Smacking as discipline

[aintnobodygottimefodat]

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My next door neighbour has a just turned 2 yr old toddler. Our houses are semi's with only us attached iyswim. Now, as expected with toddlers and children, we hear a lot of crying. Their DC is left with dad a lot as mum works full time and he does evening work.
I've noticed a pattern over the last year or so; their DC cries a lot more when left with dad. On occasion, I've heard dad shout and scream when DC cries, fair enough, not the way I would handle it, but it can be very testing. I've also heard very clear, unmistakable smacks sometimes 4/5 in a row. Not a "tap on the hand".
This is fairly distressing to hear. Their DC cries even harder after this and it literally turns my stomach and makes my blood run cold.
I heard this again a few nights ago, after the mum had also been shouting and screaming at him. So she was definitely present when this last incident happened.
It (the smacking) has happened maybe 10 times in the past year.
Whenever we see the neighbours we always give a friendly hello, but we're not overly friendly. I don't think they would take kindly to us approaching them about it, or even offering a cuppa and a chat.
Their child is not neglected from what I can see, and we often hear him laughing and playing.
So my question is what would you do? Have a word with health visitor? Ask for advice from nspcc? Or just leave it?
If we reported it would be obvious it was us, as we're the only ones attached, and no way other neighbours could hear.
Ugh, bit of a moral dilemma here.
Thanks for reading.

OP I hope it does make them see the error of their ways but if it were me I'd be keeping an eye on the wee boy just in case and definitely report any further incidents of shouting, smacking, unusual noises etc. I don't think they will confront you, but if they do, try not to engage and keep it short. If they become abusive in any way towards you, call the police.

You've done something now, be proud of yourself, that's more than anyone else has done!

So delighted to read your update. Bloody we done you for speaking up. I really, really hope that this is the beginning of a brighter time for that little baby. Good on you

Do people think the health visitor decided to do nothing about my concerns? It got me thinking... the fact she was so blasé and the smacking happening again. It's made me think that nothing has been said to the parents. Or is it too soon? I've no experience in this kind of thing so unsure about prodedures.

Surely the HV has a duty of care and if there were any concerns there would be something done? Quite worrying really.

matildathecat my mum and dad are in their sixties and I was smacked as a child. When they come to visit they often jovially say 'come on get your jamas on or I'll smack yer bum!' to my 4 year old daughter.

I've told them to stop saying it, as it will never happen, and they say 'oh don't be silly you know we don't mean it' so I ask why they say it then? It's because that was the method they used to get things done when I was a child, except the voice they used wasn't jovial, it was serious.

My daughter isn't affected, because what they say doesn't correlate with what actually happens, but I know what it means and it brings back unpleasant memories so I continue to ask them not to say it despite the awkwardness which follows when they realise they're actually being pulled up over the way they treated me as a child. I'm hoping they'll learn to bite their tongue.

As an aside, me raising a child of my own without using physical discipline has made my father open up about how he feels about my upbringing and he says he has many regrets.

That 'it didn't do me any harm' stuff is rubbish in my case. It made me distrustful of adults, scared of authority and I learned to tell lies or keep my mouth shut to avoid physical pain.

If your child is abused by someone else and are made to believe it's their fault, do you think they'll come to you if they think you will hit them as a punishment?

Zero tolerance and I will not hesitate to report anyone I think who is hitting their children.

If you can hear it through the walls that is more than a smacked bum and I would be worried. I'm not anti smacking as such but there is a world of difference between a sharp swat on a clothed bum and repeated, heavy smacks. I would report it and I say that as a parent who does sometimes smack and as someone who has occasionally lost my shit and yelled at them.

You've done the right thing! I have a 2 year old and the thought of him being screamed at and hit is just sickening.

I used to work within a Health Visiting team and once I was visiting one family and she disclosed to me she had concerns about how her neighbours were treating their children, shouting at them and hitting them etc and asked me to help. I went back to my base and rang Social Services and asked for their advice and they said that in order for action to be taken the neighbour would have to contact them herself as they can't act on second hand information, I.e me telling them what someone else had said. I phoned back the woman I had initially visited, related this to her and thankfully she then called SS herself which then triggered investigations. So it may not have been that your HV didn't act on it but more likely there wasn't anything she personally couldn't do although she should have informed you of that if it was the case.

I think social services will get involved and you did the right thing, keep doing it. I also don't think it will be obvious it came from you. Because there is probably others that know about them. Keep reporting it if you hear it again.

i find it hard to believe you would hear a smack or hitting on top of someones clothes through a wall and over and above the day to day noise in your own house. if someone is being hit through their clothes I would very much doubt there will be any bruising so sounds like nothing illegal is going on.

you seem quite invested in your neighbours behaviours...

peggy

Okay then 🙄

peggy - When it comes to keeping children safe then people should be invested in other people's behaviours.

Peggy Is it not better to report it and it be nothing than stay quiet and it be something, the sounds coupled by the shouting are bound to cause concern, particularly given the childs age, not that the age should matter. I'd be invested in my neighbours behaviours if I heard something like that

Peggy Is it not better to report it and it be nothing than stay quiet and it be something, the sounds coupled by the shouting are bound to cause concern, particularly given the childs age, not that the age should matter. I'd be invested in my neighbours behaviours if I heard something like that

I was smacked as a kid, mum slapped my face on a couple of occasions.

I think the world of my mum and dad. They are intelligent people who I respect. I would never for a second feel that I was abused as a child.

If a neighbor had reported them at the time, they would have been devistated, and so would I, I would have done everything I could to defend them.

I was later bullied at school and my mum and dad were amazing and supportive.

I am not saying that beating 7 shades out of a kid is acceptable. Just wanted to add my experience.

*i find it hard to believe you would hear a smack or hitting on top of someones clothes through a wall and over and above the day to day noise in your own house. if someone is being hit through their clothes I would very much doubt there will be any bruising so sounds like nothing illegal is going on.

you seem quite invested in your neighbours behaviours...*

Well as long as it's not illegal that's alright then eh? 25 years ago it wasn't illegal for a man to force himself on his wife. Was that ok too?

Reporte it please, report it without a second thought.

OP I hope the HV didn't ignore it, but it's possible. Child safety is everyone's responsibility Peggy

Surely Peggy the fact she can hear it would mean the kid is being hit hard and not over their clothes, by your own logic, if she can hear it, it's bad,

OP why don't you ring SS direct and see what they say?