Smacking as discipline

[aintnobodygottimefodat]

Posting here for traffic.

My next door neighbour has a just turned 2 yr old toddler. Our houses are semi's with only us attached iyswim. Now, as expected with toddlers and children, we hear a lot of crying. Their DC is left with dad a lot as mum works full time and he does evening work.
I've noticed a pattern over the last year or so; their DC cries a lot more when left with dad. On occasion, I've heard dad shout and scream when DC cries, fair enough, not the way I would handle it, but it can be very testing. I've also heard very clear, unmistakable smacks sometimes 4/5 in a row. Not a "tap on the hand".
This is fairly distressing to hear. Their DC cries even harder after this and it literally turns my stomach and makes my blood run cold.
I heard this again a few nights ago, after the mum had also been shouting and screaming at him. So she was definitely present when this last incident happened.
It (the smacking) has happened maybe 10 times in the past year.
Whenever we see the neighbours we always give a friendly hello, but we're not overly friendly. I don't think they would take kindly to us approaching them about it, or even offering a cuppa and a chat.
Their child is not neglected from what I can see, and we often hear him laughing and playing.
So my question is what would you do? Have a word with health visitor? Ask for advice from nspcc? Or just leave it?
If we reported it would be obvious it was us, as we're the only ones attached, and no way other neighbours could hear.
Ugh, bit of a moral dilemma here.
Thanks for reading.

Hitting a child is child abuse. Doesn't matter what the reason, doesn't matter how old they are. It's abuse. Anyone that hits a child for whatever the reason should have their children removed from them. A helpless child that looks to you for help and love and care. And they get hit. It's disgusting.

In the Netherlands pysical or emotional violence against children is against the law. Very unlikely that a child would be removed though. A case worker and support team are assigned to work with the whole family - parenting classes, anger management, psychological support for the children, whatever it takes.

After living in countries where smacking is legal I can't explain how nice it is to live in a place where any stranger would feel completely comfortable intervening if a tired/stressed parent was screaming at or hitting a child.

I feel sick for that poor baby.

*physical not pysical

Trifleorbust

Actually, the legality is hazy:

It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except where this amounts to 'reasonable punishment'. This defence is laid down in section 58 of the Children Act 2004, but it is not defined in this legislation.

Smacking a toddler is unreasonable and completely unnecessary. They reach out for a hot pan? You grab them and move them away with a sharp, 'No! Hot!'. They start to walk out onto a busy road? You pull them back with a sharp, 'No! Stop!'

You don't smack them FFS. Cruel and pointless.

Report, report, report,

My neighbour smacked her baby every time he bit her whilst breastfeeding, on the face, it was awful. We reported her.

Children need discipline, and this normally means an occasional smack. Some children need to be smacked harder and more often than others.

One day your children are going to grow up, and with any luck they'll beat the shit out of you.

OP will you let us know what the nspcc says. From your description it sounds like abuse, no doubt about it

I don't even know why smacking your kids isn't illegal.

There's a time and a place for an occasional smack

If your partner said that about you I bet you'd disagree.

I would phone the police every time I heard violence from your neighbours.

I have done the same.

If it helps, imagine you are hearing a woman being slapped, or an elderly person, or a dog even, and do what you would do then.

I just don't understand why people still do this shit. I manage to raise 5 children without smacking them, ever. I discipline them, but that does not involve hurting or humiliating them. Smacking is a lazy way to try and exert control, at best. At worst it is simply a way to vent your frustration on a person smaller and weaker than you.

There is no excuse for it. I look at my 16 yr old, 6ft boy and think I couldn't hurt a hair on his head. How anyone can do it to a 2 year old, without regret and guilt, is beyond me.

I think some people do use smacking as a last resort.
Whilst I don't agree particularly in smacking, I do feel they might be frustrated and need help, so in reporting they might get help.

I don't think it's always as simple as well I don't smack and have managed to bring up children. Sometimes other methods of discipline don't work well at all for some children yet well for others.

People smack their kids because they literally havnt got the intelligence to discipline in other effective ways.

Beating them in to submission is not intelligent parenting. One day when kids stop being at the bottom of the pile it will be made illegal. Just like its illigal to hit a elderly person or woman

I'm not suggesting you should do this, as it could backfire.

But if it was me, and if I knew the neighbours were not completely antisocial, I would be very tempted to ring their doorbell long and hard every time I heard this sort of thing happening. And then if they came to the door, look them straight in the eye and ask if everything was ok.

I can completely believe that a HV would not report this sort of thing - their knowledge can be really dated and patchy. My HV recommended I let my newborn cry it out, for example.

Even reporting it, I feel like this kind of thing could really easily fall through the cracks and nothing would ever come of it.

So, provided that I knew the neighbours were fairly reasonable people (the smacking excepted) I would just remind them that "people can hear what you're doing and we don't think it's ok" without actually saying the words aloud. They will get the idea.

Any update OP?

The nspcc should forward thhe information to local children's services. They should not give any further information to the op regarding future actions.

Why do people always want to report things anonymously - if you're concerned wouldn't you want to know the outcome?

Oops, forgot to update...apologies.

nine I wanted to report anonymously as my husband works away for weeks at a time and being alone with the children, I was/am concerned
about any kind of retaliation.

So after a call to the nspcc, they more or less outlined the law re smacking (allowed to smack but not leave marks or cause emotional upset etc), asked me if I thought this was the case for neighbours, to which I obviously said yes. They told me everything would be kept anonymous, they would contact local duty social worker, discuss if they'd been involved with SS previously. Who would then likely contact health visitor, ask about any concerns, and possibly do a home visit. Told me to call back if any further concerns.

Credit to NSPCC; great job they do.

However, a couple of nights ago, I heard the awful shouting and smacking again (shouting came from both parents). Thought fuck this, and called 101. They were lovely, understood I wanted to remain anonymous, and said they'd send someone out. Not sure what happened, didn't look out for police car or hear any commotion. The call operator said they would pass the incident details on to NSPCC and also Local Children's Services, but I called them myself the next day just to be sure.

I just hope the poor little mite (and his arsehole parents) get the help they need.

There are some self righteous pricks on this thread.

Good job OP you did the right thing.

Well done OP on being brave and doing the right thing for that poor child. You are a good person and hopefully that is an end to it

Well done OP, was relieved to see your update. Hope that the child gets the protection he needs.

Well done OP. Hideous situation. Report each time.

Do you think the shock of police turning up will give them the shake they need to realise what they're doing is wrong? I certainly hope so.

I'm so worried about them confronting me. As I said in my OP it will be obvious that the complaint has come from us. I suppose I just need to cross that bridge when/if I come to it.

I only wish I had done something sooner

Thanks for the advice and for making me see sense and grow a pair!

Please report it to social services yourself and the very next time you hear it happening phone the police. Poor child.

As for the pp suggesting you best be certain before reporting - it is far better to be wrong and report than ignore and have been right that the child is being abused.

And as for the poster who claimed some children need smacking harder than others - you make me sick - I hope you do not have children because with that attitude you do not deserve them.

Sorry just seen your updates (hadn't read through the thread fully) glad you reported Op, hopefully poor little baby will get the help he needs.

Well done for reporting it OP and hopefully you have made things better for the little-one next door x