WIBU to not take my son to church??

[deelli]

DS is 11 and has decided he wants to start going to church. WIBU to say I won't go? I'm an atheist and wouldn't want to 'support' a particular religion.

I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation, and I hope I never have to think about it. I'm in a Roman Catholic country, where the church has caused unspeakable damage and hurt to many in our country. Where they have inserted themselves into the law of our land, and control women through their wombs. So while I'd like to be the kind of parent that respects and supports my childs possible beliefs, I'm not sure I could stomach them attending mass at a Roman Catholic Church.

I'd be more likely to approach a local CofE vicar than anyone from the RCC.

Does not have to be a RC church, can be CofE or Baptist or methodist. No I totally do not agree with RC doctorin, I was not raised a RC, we used to go to the local Baptist church with my parents.

Yes children are entitled to their own views, and to look at and explore different faiths.

You should probably let them try to be honest. I'd tell a parent here to stop taking their kids at that age so it would be hypocritical if I didnt do it the other way round. But try the Unitarians - I am a humanist but have enjoyed a couple of their services. Also, as above, the Quakers.

But make sure that you read up on the church you take them to and maybe meet the minister if you can. Problem is that children can be taught that their parents will burn in hell for not believing at that is pretty unwelcome and insulting to non-believers. And distressing for the children.

Did he say why he wants to go and what has spurred his interest. If DP and I had kids then they would be taken to Church as DP is Christian but then I would also teach them about humanism and rational thinking.

I went to church on my own as a child, my parents are not religious at all though they did have me baptised as it was the 'done' thing. Joined up with the sunday school by myself and attended church services with Brownies and Guides as I got older. The church was at the other end of the village so I just used to walk there and back alone! Mum and Dad never discouraged it and I stopped attending at about 13 as I decided I didn't want to get confirmed, it never hurt me.

I'm very much an atheist, and a secular humanist, to the point that I go into schools to give talks to students on humanism, and how people without a religion or faith might/do live their lives, think about things, etc., because I think it's incredibly important that children are able to hear about different perspectives and make their own free choices. I don't try to convert anybody (otherwise they'd never let me in, and they'd be right). I have lots of reservations about religion and would be wary of having my children unsupervised around people with some of the more aggressively evangelical or extreme faiths, yes, but I think it's incredibly important that people make their own free and fully-informed choices, with freedom of and from religion, and would do what needed to be done to allow that.

Agree with others that there are two separate issues here.

Firstly writing pages and pages and saying you wouldn't understand is a worry. It may simply be philosophical musings, it might not be. I'd want to get to the bottom of that.

Secondly going to church. I do think you should facilitate, but also understand your discomfort. I find religious weddings/christenings/funerals uncomfortable, but go because it's not about me.

I would agree with seeing if there are local youth churches/groups he could go to without you - these might not even be on a Sunday. I would probably still try to go along at the start to et a feel for the particular ethos, as churches can vary a lot.