WIBU to not take my son to church??

[deelli]

DS is 11 and has decided he wants to start going to church. WIBU to say I won't go? I'm an atheist and wouldn't want to 'support' a particular religion.

Yes, yes you should definitely encourage him. Faith is personal, so even if you don't believe, you must never stop him from participating. Take him a couple of times and then let him go on his own?

I see many children going to the Sunday school in church whose parents are not there - make sure they know though. You would just drop the, at the start/collect at end. Obviously find somewhere with enough children attending to have a Sunday school for his age range.

Most churches now will have some kind of youth worker or coordinator and likely an age appropriate programme for him. Look at a couple of local churches, find one that seems to have good indications of being in touch with young people and their needs and drop them an email to see what's on for him.

I think your local church will snap him up! Maybe you could research which church has a suitable age Sunday school or youth section. When I was a child my parents sent my sister and me to Sunday sch despite never ever once going to church themselves, apart from for weddings and funerals. I think it was Mum's way of getting us out of the house for the morning for very little cost - 2p each for the collection bag. We'd walk by ourselves from the age of 4 (!) and return two or three hours later clutching glittery religious pictures we had made.

I would research a few of the local churches with him, and choose one that has provision for kids his age to go to first.

There are lots of different strands of Christianity, and each church is only the sum of its members, so make sure you guide him towards a place where you think he will be cared for and allowed to explore his faith rather than have someone else's version thrust down his throat as the One Way. Many (by no means all!) evangelical churches can be very prescriptive, and that could be difficult for him with an atheist parent. Maybe he could start at a youth club?

Please, please, if he wants to then let him go. He's old enough to make the decision. If this was the reverse and there was a strong religious believer dragging their 11 year old to church and forcing them to worship and to "believe" in God then I'm sure you'd be outraged. It's no different the other way round. YABVVVU. Give him the choice - most churches will be fine with him on his own as long as someone is there to take and collect and he isn't causing a racket. He could even go with a friend/family friend?

I would determine source of recent interest to see which sort of church he is envisaging. Then I'd take him without judgemental comments. Learning about the belief and practices of others can only be a good thing. We are Christian but we have been to services in a Gurdwara and a Mosque with friends. Muslim friends have been to church with us too.
We are traditional but visit and join friends at their 'happy clappy' services. It's all about learning and finding where he feels comfortable.

I would research local churches. Then take him along to a couple you think he might like.

Church websites are a good start.
Or does he have friends locally who are Christian he could go where they go?

My 5 year old wants to go to church. I will be taking him along even though I don't believe in it myself.

Maybe look at Evangelical alliance or Assemblies of God websites for churches in your local area, or ask on a local Facebook group. There may be some that have some good youth groups where he could make friends etc and be more age appropriate if you see what I mean.

My dh is an Elder at our church and is also involved in the youth and schools work there. Together we run the youth group and participate in the Sunday school (dh is in charge I'm just the general skivvy lol).

Is your son mature enough to sit in the service without you? Both in terms of behaviour and confidence (my 14 year old Dd who has been in the church her whole life would struggle to sit in a service without us as she is painfully shy).

If the answer is yes than I can only echo what previous posters have alresdy suggested. Do some online research. A lot of church's do have great youth programs now and church does not have to be boring, it is about finding something that suits your style of worship and meets your needs and somewhere where you can feel included and valued.

Our youth group is split into 2 parts. The first is a social for anyone regardless of faith or no faith. The second part we run Youth Alpha which is a really great program for any young people who have questions and want to find out more about the Christian faith.
We have had young people come from youth group to church without their parents and have been more than happy to facilitate this if needed. We would normally like to chat with the parent/s first to check they are happy with their child attending but I can't imagine why it would be a problem for any church's too be honest.

All I would say is don't give up straight away if your son finds the first church is not for him as a previous poster suggested.
I didn't become a Christian until early adulthood and the first church I went too bored me stiff too. I just didnt connect with it all and it was almost painful.
We then found the church we are in now and it was completely different and it we knew it was for us. We have been there ever since.

So no I don't think you would be unreasonable to not take him yourself but if he really is interested in finding out more then I really think you ought to try and facilitate this for him.

its unreasonable not to take him but its reasonable to not stay yourself and just pick him up afterwards. Its reasonable to express your opinion and reasons but its not reasonable to stop him from looking into it himself.

I'd go with him a few times at least- it can be really daunting going places when you're new.

'I would take him to a psychologist to work out why he's like this.'

I'm an atheist and find this attitude surprisingly. People are free to believe in what they want and I would never bring up a child who couldn't discuss exploring their own faith with me.

I would take him a few times to make sure he is happy with the one he has chosen. He may want to try a few as some may be more suited to his age. I think it would be a good idea for you to make contact with the youth leader / vicar or similar. Then you can support him in his choice and he can go by himself when he's ready.

I think he could go by himself

Has his school got a Christian union? There might be some other pupils he could go with or at least recommend somewhere to go that's youth friendly.

Don't take him! You don't believe it - why is it ok to foster his belief? Would you support a belief in fairies, aliens etc if you didn't believe in them yourself? He can go by himself when he's old enough if he still wants to.

What if the op was a Christian with an eleven year old son who didn't want to go to church? Wouldn't you support his right not to go? Why is it wrong to allow him to go if he wants to? At what age can he make his own decisions about this?

I wanted to go at around the same age and my parents arranged for neighbours to take me. Can you find a way to make it work?

I agree with purpledasies

I don't believe personally, but I totally respect those that do. If my DC or DSC wanted at some point to, I would take then.

If God wants him to go, he'll go, whatever the OP does. Why does she have to take him?