AIBU : v upset as friend 'forgot' to invite me to another friend's supper party

[Gonetothebeach]

I have a group of very old friends, going back years. I included another friend in this group (let's call her Sarah) & she has enjoyed lots of wonderful social gatherings thanks to me being a kind, inclusive friend. A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from one of the group asking why I hadn't gone to Karen's supper get together... I discovered Karen had seen Sarah and asked her to invite me and Sarah 'forgot'. AIBU to think you actually don't forget to issue an invitation to a friend?? AUBU to think when Sarah pulled up on Karen's drive she didn't think 'omg I've forgotten to invite my lovely friend to this lovely supper. I must call her now !!' I was so upset . I'm thinking it's calculated and she's actually jealous . She said she 'forgot' as she's so 'busy' . How would you guys feel ???

" enjoyed lots of wonderful social gatherings thanks to me being a kind, inclusive friend."
Do people really talk like this?

I think you're being wendied too. It's happened to me as well, just like Pictish describes. It's horrible and it appears to anyone else that a friendship group HSS just 'moved on'. But it's more deliberate than that. It's orchestrated, but if you question it the Wendy will make it look like you are paranoid and like a schoolgirl.

Luckily in my situation, another member if the group clicked what was happening. We are still good friends, we don't speak to the wendy.

HSS? Has

I must admit I am totally getting the Wendy vibe from this as well. It's just a wee creeping knowing feeling I have. I would love to be wrong though.
Wish the OP would come back.

Er Hello??? No wonder...You have dissapeared, perhaps Karen couldn't find you either.
Did you actually read your replies?
Hellooo?

Why didn't Karen invite the Op directly?

Why didn't Sarah remember she hadn't asked the Op when she was getting ready to go to Karen's?

What did Sarah say when Karen asked why Op was missing?

Why hasn't Karen phoned the Op to apologise?

Why hasn't Sarah phoned the Op to apologise?

Will the Op return to this thread?

I agree I think it's odd Karen didn't invite you herself and odd she didn't chase you up when she hadn't heard from you! Sarah may have forgotten or maybe being manipulative it's hard to say without knowing if she has form for this? There seems to be more to this that we are getting you happily write off Karen as scatty and forgetful but not Sarah? Also the way you speak about Sarah is off like she should be forever greatful to you?

It's actually quite common among one group of friends I see that invitations are not necessarily issued directly but passed around eg "Sandy's doing lunch at hers on Friday, she said to tell you, and could you also mention it to Barbara when you see her ...".
So in our group if someone forgot to pass on the invitation it could be genuine forgetfulness, or er, other.....But I've never experienced either situation in the group, even though we're all fairly old and memories are not what they were.

Several of you have asked, "Why is it ok for karen to be scatty and too busy to invite you, but not ok for sarah to forget?"

Because Karen is queen bee and it's everyone's job to serve her. Poor Sarah failed to do her job and is to be blamed. Also, since Karen didn't note the absence of OP during the party, no one dared to ask for fear of coming across as "challenging" Karen's decision to exclude OP. Hence, the phone call a few days later from another "friend" who simply could no longer hold her curiosity and also was dying to stir up some drama, so she decided to phone OP.

You are welcome, MNetters :)

Its Karens supper/ party so it's Karen who should do the inviting. Karen may be scatty and busy but she can send a text saying "Would you like to come along to Supper tonight, I asked Sarah to invite you too. Just making sure you can come."

"Can you make it tonight? Sarah just got here, can come and pick you up "

etc etc etc

Its Karens supper/ party so it's Karen who should do the inviting. Karen may be scatty and busy but she can send a text saying "Would you like to come along to Supper tonight, I asked Sarah to invite you too. Just making sure you can come."

"Can you make it tonight? Sarah just got here, can come and pick you up "

etc etc etc

What misshelena said

OP if you're still there, I would be very wary of the friend. Surely someone would have said oh where's OP? At which point either friend or host would have called/texted to ask where you were.

It's Karen's fault. If she wanted to invite you over then she should have invited you. Asking someone else to invite you is bizarre, especially if Sarah wasn't actually seeing you. I can see how you could forget to invite someone you aren't actually seeing to another friend's party.

I think the OP has 'forgotten' to come back to this thread and acknowledge posters' advice. That's not reflecting so well on her, us it?.

Forgot? Bullshit. You don't forget. Or you then realise at time and phone the person.

Gosh. I'm quite glad I'm an antisocial being who only has a few friends whom I prefer to see one at a time. This friendship group thing sounds worse than school - I had thought I was maybe missing out but maybe not !!

Willconcern, that's the most perfect way of describing it. Happened to me too, and I did manage to look like a paranoid idiot, unfortunately. Those who mattered to me fully understood and saw it, though.

I had this. A close friend forgot to invite me to a special occasion. She hasnt spoken to me since. I only found out about the event through school gossip when everyone asked if i had had a nice time at the event because they all assumed i would be invited! That hurt. Still does