AIBU : v upset as friend 'forgot' to invite me to another friend's supper party

[Gonetothebeach]

I have a group of very old friends, going back years. I included another friend in this group (let's call her Sarah) & she has enjoyed lots of wonderful social gatherings thanks to me being a kind, inclusive friend. A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from one of the group asking why I hadn't gone to Karen's supper get together... I discovered Karen had seen Sarah and asked her to invite me and Sarah 'forgot'. AIBU to think you actually don't forget to issue an invitation to a friend?? AUBU to think when Sarah pulled up on Karen's drive she didn't think 'omg I've forgotten to invite my lovely friend to this lovely supper. I must call her now !!' I was so upset . I'm thinking it's calculated and she's actually jealous . She said she 'forgot' as she's so 'busy' . How would you guys feel ???

Karen should've invited you surely and not relied on Sarah. Why didn't Karen then call you on the night to ask where you were?. V strange behaviour from her in my view. I'd suggest just moving on however and not dwelling on it.

This is Karens fault surely. The host does the invites. Do you know if Karen sat Sarah down and said invite Gonetothebeach? Or was it a throwaway line incidental to a conversation?

I think that, if this is the first time, you should not be worried and just tell all friends to remember to get their invites to the attendees themselves so no-one is excluded again.

I think this is Karen's fault. How easy is it to send a group text or email? Also Sarah really should have told you.

Bad form all round.

Do you have other friends too?

Can you actually drop everything at the drop of a hat and just come to a dinner?
Did you see/talk to Sarah in the time between the invitation and the party?
If she has form for this then you're being wendyed if she doesn't and it's the first and only time it happened then it can be a genuine mistake. I'm not desperately busy,but sometimes i forget to reply to texts or get in touch with people for days or even weeks.

The host is at fault, they should have asked you personally, not relied on a third party. I think your anger and hurt is misdirected. I'd be more annoyed that a supposedly close friend couldn't be bothered to invite me personally.

I think it depends how the job of inviting you fell on Sarah. If Karen asked her in passing then she could easily have forgotten. However if Karen mentioned it and Sarah said "Oh I'll see gone on x day I'll invite her" and insisted then forgot then she's either too scatty to take on jobs for other people or she's Wendying you.

Why's it ok for Karen to be scatty and busy, but not Sarah OP?

Karen's do, Karen's responsibility to invite the people she wants to be there.

Or is Karen guilty of not wanting you there and blaming Sarah for not telling you?
Why didn't Karen call you as soon as Sarah arrived without you?

You need a whatsapp group and this need not happen.

If Sarah agreed to mention it to you then she is at fault, not Karen IMO. However, surely these days most arrangements are made by group media messaging?

So the host managed to contact everyone else, saw a mutual mate in passing, not even to ask her to the dinner. Yet
She couldn't be arsed to contact you?
Bollocks.
I take it you contactable on a multitude of different ways - phone, text, email, WhatsApp and even knocking on the door/letter? She managed to operate one or more to invite others. And if she's that busy she cannot set up group chats then I also suggest she's too busy to have parties.

If Karen was that fussed about you being there she would have invited you. Sorry.

This sounds odd. The host didn't contact you at all? Not even a reminder or a message to check if you were going?
I'm assuming the host contacted the others or has the host now got Sarah to be a pa and does all this stuff for her?

Surely is must have come up in conversation as to why you weren't there? Why didn't Karen ring u when sarah revealed she hadnt told you? Why did she wait for another friend to ring and tell you after the dinner had happened. And the fact the friend asked you why weren't you there suggests it didn't come up in conversation at the dinner which is a bit bizarre.

Could sarah and Karen be in cahoots??

I would also like to know what happened on the day when everyone realized you weren't there.

Did Sarah say 'OMG, I forgot to invite her', or did she say nothing at all leaving it to Karen to think you had rudely not only failed to RSVP but dissed her supper?

I would suggest introducing your friendship group to one of the on line invitation apps that are out there so this situation doesn't recur. You can probably set up a distribution list to ensure nobody gets overlooked.

It sounds like they are deliberately excluding you, it's easy to make excuses for them because you've been friends for so long. I did the same and kept excusing my so called friends for 'forgetting me'. Get rid of this bunch of cowbags! You deserve better!!

When they all realised you weren't there, especially Karen....I would have rang you there and then and apologised....if you weren't able to come round and we weren't able to come to you....Id arrange another night. Even if Karen didn't do this....Sarah could have rang you...if not on the night then first thing the next morning

"Could sarah and Karen be in cahoots??"

Wendying is underhand and insidious and generally starts long before the victim is aware that anything untoward might be going on at all. The group of friends or friend that is being coveted by the Wendy often don't/doesn't realise that a wedge is being very subtly but deliberately inserted between them and the victim. Wendies tend to be extremely charming and plausible and it all plays out like a natural course of events.

It could be that OP is wrong about how much her friends like her of course, but equally it may be that Sarah has already laid the groundwork in taking OP's place in the group.

OP you'll have to come back and provide more details.

poor you OP, its like being at school again.

Bantanddec - but why have they started excluding her? What's changed? What's different or new within the group?
Sarah?

I'm sorry but how is anyone too busy to send a 30 text "supper at mine on Wednesday?" But not too busy to actually host the supper?

This is entirely Karen's fault. You should be annoyed with her if anyone.

I could see how Sarah could forget - it wasn't her party.

I don't understand how someone can be "wendied". If your alleged friends are so quick to believe an interloper's lies and not take the time to find out the truth and keep you in the loop then they're not "friends" that I would want.

Why is it ok for Karen to have forgotten to invite you but not Sarah? It's still crap either way.

Nobody asks someone else to invite anyone unless they don't have their contact.

It's Karen's responsibility.

And even if she had asked someone else, she should have made sure to have you confirmed as a yes or no.

Magz you are absolutely right. Unfortunately sometimes we don't find out our friends are not worth having without having someone else come along to make sure you know it.

Sorry you weren't lucky with those friends pictish