AIBU : v upset as friend 'forgot' to invite me to another friend's supper party

[Gonetothebeach]

I have a group of very old friends, going back years. I included another friend in this group (let's call her Sarah) & she has enjoyed lots of wonderful social gatherings thanks to me being a kind, inclusive friend. A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from one of the group asking why I hadn't gone to Karen's supper get together... I discovered Karen had seen Sarah and asked her to invite me and Sarah 'forgot'. AIBU to think you actually don't forget to issue an invitation to a friend?? AUBU to think when Sarah pulled up on Karen's drive she didn't think 'omg I've forgotten to invite my lovely friend to this lovely supper. I must call her now !!' I was so upset . I'm thinking it's calculated and she's actually jealous . She said she 'forgot' as she's so 'busy' . How would you guys feel ???

You are being Wendied!

Why didn't Karen invite you herself?

And this ^^

I was all for giving her the benefit of the doubt until I got to the very last sentence and she said she "forgot because she was so busy". Busy my arse.

Although why didn't Karen follow up and ask if you had been invited?

I'd think it's up to Karen to invite you, it probably did slip Sarah's mind as it wasn't her party.
Does she have form for spiteful behaviour towards you? If not than I'd let it go, we all make mistakes.

But YANBU if you are being Wendied

Or you might not have been invited on purpose and the original organiser's passing the buck.

Sounds a bit far fetched to have 'forgot'. Sarah should have called and offered to collect you straight away when someone asked where you were.

You think she might be deliberately stealing your friends?

Karen is a scatty, genuinely busy friend and probably thought by asking Sarah to invite me it was one less job

Exact same thought occurred to me, Crutches!

Make sure of course that you explain to Karen what has happened, and why you didn't attend.

Yes !!! Far fetched ! Exactly what I thought!

You could be being Wendied.

Or it could be a genuine mistake. Maybe she has a lot going on in her life at the moment and she genuinely forgot. Maybe Karen wasn't clear that she wanted Sarah to invite you (and Sarah is saying she forgot so as not to cause problems). I'm not clear why Karen didn't invite you herself?

Does this happen often? Was Sarah apologetic about it?

If it happened once maybe it was accidental. If it's part of a theme, then talk to the women herself.

Why is it far-fetched for Sarah to be scatty and so busy she forgot to invite you, but it's OK for Karen to be scatty and so busy she didn't invite you herself? Sorry but I think the buck stops with Karen.

I would be questioning Karen about what the response was to "where's Goneto?"

It entirely sounds possible that she forgot, a passing comment to invite you could easily be forgotten as it was not her party to invite you to. It could also be a calculated mistake to leave you out (although that relies on Karen asking her, if it was surely she would have said to Karen I will invite Gonetothebeach, rather than Karen saying could she. Perhaps ask Karen how it came about that Sarah was tasked with this that could give you the answer. An off the cuff remark from Karen to Sarah could easily be forgotten, Sarah offering to or leading the conversation sounds more calculated.

I think you also need to look at why you think that, if it were some of my friends I would assume a mistake, you didn't so you must have a feeling that she is trying to ease you out

I'd assume she was trying to Wendy me but I think like that because I was royally fucking Wendied many years ago and I'm still bitter about it.

She didn't forget - she wanted a night with your friends without you.

I would initially think it's Karens party ultimate responsibility for guest list falls to her
Has Sarah done this before?

Sarah sounds like a Wendy and I'd stop including her.

Tbf if the organiser wanted you there it was up to her to ask you - not get someone else to.

Yes you might be being wendied although your comment about being a kind inclusive friend seemed a little much.

If the organiser can't be arsed to text or email to invite you then she's the one you should be moaning at.

If she had given a toss surely she would have chased you up when she hadn't had a reply?

Of course it could have been a genuine oversight...but i doubt it.

I'd feel hurt, pissed off and excluded.
And I wouldn't by shy about telling her.
As Pic says. She didn't forget you. Forgetting is accidental. She didn't want you included.

And if you are being excluded you need to figure out why. Perhaps you have upset one of them (not necessarily deliberately).

People generally get wendied because the group isn't keen enough on them to bother maintaining the friendship if someone comes along to stir things.

I would be upset.

When Sarah got there and they realised they had forgotten.....what was stopping someone at that supper ringing you and saying....'.bloody hell Im so sorry were all here but were missing you...get dressed and get your backside over here we'll hang on for you or we'll get the drinks ready'

Whats wendied?