Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to babysit

47 replies

Papaya90 · 11/01/2017 07:22

My sister (with her DS) and I live in different countries. Recently she bought tickets to a concert in the UK and asked me to look after her DS while she's at it. The problem is it requires me and my DH (no way I would do this on my own) to take 2 days off work and spend about £500 for flights and hotel to travel to another part of the country. AIBU to refuse? I didn't give her an answer yet and she seems annoyed that I am not very keen to do it but I think the request is a bit excessive. I am struggling to say no as I love her DS very much and she has no one else to look after him really but I honestly don't think I can afford it.

OP posts:
Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 11/01/2017 07:23

Why can't she bring her DS directly to you?

HardofCleaning · 11/01/2017 07:26

Just be honest - "I'd love to look after DS, I really miss but I don't think I can afford the travel or hotel". Then she might be able to come up with a solution or if not she'll understand why you haven't done it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/01/2017 07:28

She hasn't really thought it through, has she.

"That doesn't work for me/us" is the phrase that comes to mind.

YellowDinosaur · 11/01/2017 07:39

“I'd love to look after him, we really love spending time with him! What day will you be bringing him to us? Make a few days of it if you'd like, it would be lovely to catch up with you too”

As though it wouldn't even cross your mind that she doesn't mean this. Because who the fuck expects someone to spend 2 days and £500 to do them a favour?

7SunshineSeven7 · 11/01/2017 07:40

''Yes of course, when are you coming to drop him off? Do you want me to get the train/plane times and ticket price info for you?''

If she wants to do she can bring him to you, bet she'll soon change her tune when she realises the expense.

Penfold007 · 11/01/2017 07:42

If she wants you to travel to the UK, stay in a hotel and babysit she needs to pay for travel, accommodation and food. Wouldn't it be easier if you went to her house and babysat there? She'd still need to fund your travel.

TheMaddHugger · 11/01/2017 07:44

Is She Daft Shock

Gaelach · 11/01/2017 07:45

"I'd love to mind your DS, will you be dropping him of the morning or afternoon of the concert?"

Is she aware of the distance and cost involved if you were to go to her to babysit?

DeathStare · 11/01/2017 07:46

Just tell her that you are happy to babysit if she drop him off with you.

icelollycraving · 11/01/2017 07:46

Just tell her you're happy to have him in your home but you won't be travelling somewhere to babysit that'll cost you money.

Gaelach · 11/01/2017 07:46

*off

Inertia · 11/01/2017 07:53

Presumably you would still need to take time off work even if she dropped him off?

Original poster
Papaya90 · 11/01/2017 08:01

I would assume she's aware of the cost.

Yes, I would still need to take time off even if she would drop him off

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 11/01/2017 08:04

Come on, she is being ridiculous. Just tell her how much you would love to if you had the money, but you don't.

lalaloopyhead · 11/01/2017 08:13

I think if I had enough holiday days and was able to get the days off work I would do it in order to spend time with a DN, that I assume you don't get to see much.

I would however not be traveling miles and paying for hotels, if it is easier for you to be where she is staying then she pays for sure!

HecateAntaia · 11/01/2017 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoggieMaeEverso · 11/01/2017 08:16

Would you do it if she paid the £500 and compensated you for lost wages?

You say you assume she's aware of the cost, I don't see why you'd assume that, normal people wouldn't ask such a thing! Just clarify with her what she's asking for and tell her how much it will cost her.

HecateAntaia · 11/01/2017 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FurryLittleTwerp · 11/01/2017 08:35

Is she completely crazy? Shock Confused Hmm

ChinUpChestOut · 11/01/2017 08:40

"Sorry, DSis, but even after you've brought him to me, I'd still have to take time off work to look after him, and that just isn't possible right now. Pity, because you know how I love seeing him. Oh, I know, why don't you sell the tickets you just bought, and get some other ones for the weekend? You can bring him on the Friday evening, and then I can do it!!".

Give her an alternative ridiculous suggestion, so that she can see she's really not thought this shit through. Good God.

Mrsglitterfairy · 11/01/2017 08:46

Did she actually say you would have to travel to her or is this an assumption? What's the harm in checking the plans and then deciding?

user1470997562 · 11/01/2017 08:49

She needs to change her plans - that's really unreasonable of her in the first place. If I needed my dsis to take my dc I'd deliver them to the door (they live 3.5 hours away) and ensure she's not working that day. Maybe she hasn't realised what's involved.

scottishdiem · 11/01/2017 08:57

Who in the hell thinks that internationally baby sitting is a thing? If she pays you then flight and for time then consider it but tell her its a lot of money and she'd be better finding a local babysitter as it would be cheaper than bringing you over.

FinallyHere · 11/01/2017 08:57

On the face of it, this seems to be an extraordinary request. Has she perhaps explained why she is asking this massive favour of you, and suggested that it is all her birthday presents and Christmas presents from now on for ever rolled in to one. And asked where it would best for you, for the child to be dropped off? And made sure that she has provided funds to cover any out of pocket expenses?

She hasn't? I see.

Miserylovescompany2 · 11/01/2017 08:59

Surely you'd arrange childcare prior to booking tickets, or even run it by the person first to see if its viable? Not just presume someone will rearrange their life around you at a considerable financial cost to themselves?? It's VERY one sided...