"Heartbreakingly pretty"

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

Watching ITN news right now. Tragic awful story about the death of a young girl. Teenager helping with enquiries I think. Anyhow the point at which I thought FFS was when a picture was shown of the young girl whose death was described as "all the more tragic" because she was "heartbreakingly pretty". It would be sad whatever , not because of how she looks. It's a terrible story but what a comment by the reporter?
AIBU?

Bit crass of them to say it but google 'ideal victim'. The media have given more attention to pretty, white middle class girls who don't indulge in deviant behaviour for a long time. It's nothing new.

YDNBU. What a fucking stupid thing to say. So had this little Angel not been genetically blessed. What happened would have been not as bad.

Seeing/hearing words like "heartbreaking" (and "stunning") used to describe a child's appearance gives me the creeps.

Very inappropriate comment, a child is a child, however they look.

Their life is worth not more or less because of their looks etc.

Offs, think its clearv reporter got lost in what he was saying. Do you seriously think anyone watching thought after, oh yes, the death of a child only matters if the child is pretty?

Think ur moving towards the permanently offended and ignoring the main issue, the absolute tragedy.

It is indicative of a wider view of how girls and women are valued. I can't imagine at all a little boy being described in this way, it probably would be a comment about his schoolwork or sporting achievements or personality.

I don't blame the reporter, it was a slip, but it does reveal a truth.

Reporters are put in a position of saying anything to fill time because we all want the details - but there is nothing to say. These stories are hashed and rehashed. The murder is terrible beyond belief for the family and friends and something that at a later stage we should reflect on as a society. But in order for it to have a place on the front pages or have a slot on the 6 o'clock news we have to have details. That's when all the old school or wedding pictures surface, all the people who knew them make a comment and all the inane descriptions about how wonderful they were, how beautiful, how good at sport or academic they were. Pretty is just one of the things they say. (And it is not the reporter who thinks she is pretty but someone who knows here has supplied the description and in the world of instant news he has "reported" it unfiltered.)

Horrible yes indeed as it makes it worse for everyone

It was crass of the reporter, and I am sure that he regretted saying it. But it was part of his mental filing cabinet of things to say about girls-he would not have said anything similar about a boy.

And I think that's important to think about.

It is indicative of a wider view of how girls and women are valued. I can't imagine at all a little boy being described in this way, it probably would be a comment about his schoolwork or sporting achievements or personality.

Yes, this. Although "they were popular" is said a lot about deceased children, I've noticed and that's also fairly shallow and not about intrinsic qualities. Maybe it's partly that society doesn't see children as full humans.

Girls get the double whammy of not being adults and NOT being male.

Really, as a society, we should move away from the need to judge everything, but we just seem to be getting ever worse.

What I mean is someone has died in tragic circumstances, in some ways we shouldn't need any more details.

I think reporting probably was simpler in the past?

I guess though that giving some details of the person's life may be of some comfort to the family and friends. This should be the reporters guiding principle in choosing their words.

This thread is a disgrace and horrid of the poor mother reads it. Why has it not been deleted?

Potnoodle- because it doesn't need to be deleted.

I understand why some people think the thread is inappropriate but I hope if any family member was to read it they'd see some compassion here.

Having experienced some family tragedy ourselves I really don't think this thread would make this devastating loss any worse for this family.

That's why people have posted here, and it seems like on balance MNHQ agrees.

I gather there is another thread where perhaps people have more fully expressed their condolences

Dame in sure her family and mother would disagree.

A poor child has been brutally murdered and people are discussing how pretty she really was and the reporters use of language around it. It's nasty.

Potnoodle- you're missing the point.

Saucy maybe you should get your unfortunate comment deleted?

No. I'm not missing the point at all. The 'point' does not need to made at this time and using the death of this poor girl to get it across. It's seriously in bad taste. The post of jack is truley wretched. The fact a little girl has been murdered is actually a side issue on this thread so folk can push their own agendas.

Can you imagine if your child has been murdered and you came across a bunch of women saying shit like this about her/him?

unfortunate ?? No. Nasty more like

This is a tragic , tragic event .

I saw the news and the reporter also mentioned that it was an affluent area , with nice well kept houses - as if that makes a difference. Not a good choice of words but like a pp said these reporters have no script and have to fill the time with minimal facts .

Not being funny but I very much doubt the mother would be on Mumsnet right now !!

Potnoodle - as far as I can see only one poster has commented on whether the girl actually was pretty or not as being in any way relevant. That's the point - it's not relevant. Her loss in such a way is tragic and my heart goes out to her family. The reporter slipped up but the way he slipped up is indicative of a wider point about how and why women and girls are valued and talked about in a different way from men and boys. Personally I agree that's worth discussion. You don't know how her family would feel reading this and neither do I - you think they'd be offended but I think they'd see that everyone here is shocked and horrified by their loss and believes in the inherent value of their child.

Well why would she?

We're just a collection of psychopaths sitting around stroking our agendas waiting for tragedies to happen so we can cynically air our pet causes.