AIBU to stop this girl comming round after school?

[chuffinalong]

My daughter started at a special secondary school last year. She now gets a bus to school which stops outside our house. A 16 year old girl who catches the same bus, took a liking to my DD. She came up the first time with her mum and our girls played while the mum chatted to me and my DH. When the mum said that her DD would like to come and play with my DD, I said that would be lovely as they seemed to get along so well. Until then, my daughter wouldn't have friends in the house at all!
The problem is that now my DD is starting to realise that she's not very compatible with this girl, who is mentally much less able than my daughter. She enjoys very demanding, repetitive imaginary play. My daughter does enjoy the same, but on her own, following her own rules and with no one watching. The friend won't watch a film or play on the computer, so it's all quite intense for my DD.
The mum of this girl has told us that she has mental health problems and that her daughter is classed as her carer. The mum has started texting her daughter or the taxi escort lady telling them that her daughter must get off at my house as she's not well or won't be there to look after her. She doesn't even text me to let me know, or thank me for having her at all. She just assumes that it's fine for me to have her!
Now my daughter has started to say that she doesn't want her to come around anymore and asking what excuse she can make, then getting rather anxious that she'll believe her.
I've tried stopping her from getting off the bus at ours before, kind of trying to hold the bus, while saying we are going out etc, but she is very pushy and will demand to come in anyways, by saying that she just needs to drop something off, pick something up etc. She's even said 'I'll wait until you leave, then I'll go home'.
I think I must nip this in the bud, so I'm thinking of texting her mum to say that my daughter is going through a difficult time with her social anxiety and doesn't want anyone in her house after school for the time being. I'll let you know if this changes, but for now could you please make sure X knows not to get off the bus at our house. Thanks.
Do you think that's ok? Or is there a better way of letting her know? I've only met this woman twice, so I'm not at all concerned about ruining a friendship, but at the same time don't want to upset her or her daughter too much.
What would you do?

To the people saying that the escort shouldn't drop the girl at the OP's just because the mum has told them to - I can see how it can happen.

Every year I have to provide the school transport office with emergency numbers of people who can pick up my child. The form says that these people must know you are giving their number, but I don't suppose they check.

If the mum has given the OP's number as someone who is willing to pick up my child, then rings the office and says that OP is picking her up today, they would have no reason to query it.

OP, you need to make it really clear to the transport office that you do not agree to being this mum's emergency contact.

Her child, not my child. Sorry.

The difficulty may be the age of the child. Whilst our LA has strict rules about escorts passing child to a responsible adult this seems to disappear when the child hits 16. One parent I met last year was extremely frustrated that they kept dropping her son off in town rather than bringing him home and was getting nowhere with complaints I heard because of his age.

There is no reason why a 16 year old with SN could not be carer for her mother

Caring for someone with mental health issues can be extremely challenging. I don't think a child should have to have that responsibility.

My son has SN transport and the students have to be dropped at their home. You need to speak to someone in the transport office and tell them that you are not responsible for this girl and she must never be dropped at your house. And tell them they need to tell this to the escort.

Hi OP,

How did you get on yesterday? Did the girl get off the bus at your house? I definitely think you should contact the school.

Contact the school. You don't need to put up with this and neither does your daughter.

Hi op, how are things today. Absolutely contact the transport company, in writing and phone, telling them under no circumstances are they to drop this girl at yours, whatever the mum has told them, there is not arrangement. I would also contact the transport division of your local council, to complain about this, as it is unacceptable practice, they are not following correct procedure.

I would also contact whoever at the school, head of safeguarding, headteacher, teacher and tell them what you know, what dd is telling you so that they can take the necessary steps to safeguard her, and to help the family, as it sounds like a family in great needs.

Lastly, I would e mail/text the mum, stating that under no circumstance is she to tell the taxi company/school to drop her dd off to your house as your not able to look after her dd. Your dd is going through a difficult time at the moment with her anxiety, and needs space when she comes home from school. So mum knows where you stand, and you keep evidence to show the school.

Have you contacted anyone yet?

Did you manage to get into contact with SS op?

What did they say? Hopefully they will look into things for the daughter I imagine she must feel quite lonely and unwanted.
Not that it is in anyway your fault op you shouldn't be put in the position the mother has put you in.

.

Your DD had a sleepover at friends house. I guess you would have taken her to the home, especially as you don't really know the mother and never seen the father, if there is a dad around (I'm guessing?) What was the house like when you dropped your DD off OP?

My son gets a council taxi. They can only pick and drop off to the home address. If thats yr councils policy then this mum is putting the escort and everyone in a difficult position. The escort could well lose her job. Perhaps speak to the transport dept

Oops. This is why i should always read the whole thread. I posted what loads of others have said. Good luck though op, it cant be easy

Is there any update on this??

OP, this sounds like a tricky situation. Feel sorry for the girl but your first priority has to be your DD's well-being.

On a separate note I do wish people wouldn't place-mark just by putting a full stop in. It does feel rather rude; especially on the more sensitive threads where people are asking for help. Use the bookmark facility!

U could just lie and say something like"I'm going back to work so my daughter is going to be staying at her grandmas/family members after school every night" - that way your not hurting her feelings and she won't know any better. I would mention ur concerns to the school also.

Please try to be honest in your interactions. Don't pretend, just be straightforward
Speak directly to social services. Not the school.
Parents are judged on a good enough parenting standard. Unfortunately for many children when the parent slips into a longer period of mental ill health SS aren't always notified.
So whilst the family might be known to SS from a report in the past at that point the mother may have gotten into a period of better MH.
Then the case may have been, not shelved, but prioritised v differently.
Sometimes schools think SS are much more on top of things than they are, especially when there have been prior issues. This can mean that they don't report even when another concern is flagged

I feel dreadfully sorry for this child
Well done for offering her an oasis for a time at least.
Now you must inform the professionals