to think that this won't be a "holiday"?

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I'm completely prepared to be told that IABU as I'm really torn about this and I probably am being completely unreasonable. I just need some honest opinions (hence braving AIBU) to decide what to do.

Right, my country of birth is in Asia. I have lived there for 13yrs and I have lived in England for nearly 24yrs.
I have 2 DCs 8 and 6. I have never taken them to my birth country. My parents live here and have been for the last 24yrs. My aunt and uncle and my cousins also live here and so I only have a few relatives left in that country.
Last time I went there was 12 years ago after I got married (DH is English).
My parents are in their 70s now and I'm their only child. They want me to take the kids to this country for a holiday and show them off to their extended families and friends and also show them the country.

Now under normal circumstances this wouldn't be a problem but my concerns are that..

1. No direct flight there unless we travel down to Heathrow which would add on a few extra hours to the already long flight.
2. Cost would be nearly £4K for just the flights for four of us, but my parents offered to pay half, but it's not about the money really, we do have the money.
3. DH is not keen (but would go if I insist) as he spend much of his time there on his previous visit with a tummy bug and was pretty ill and he worries the kids will suffer from it.
4. There is no proper place to stay. My parents have a small house, but it needs to be cleaned and prepared for all of us staying (my parents idea of clean is different to mine..that's a whole other thread), even then there might not be enough room. Otherwise we will have to pay for accommodation, adding to the costs.
5. We would have to hire a driver for our entire stay. The public transport is very basic and nothing much to do by just walking, and driving ourselves is out of the question as the roads are very chaotic. Kids car seats might be not available as nobody uses them there...(the last time I went, might be different now).
6. It is HOT there. The kids complain on a hot day up here in the North and it will be nearly 40degs there. Even I would find it completely exhausting. You just can't DO anything in that heat.
7. I don't want to go round visiting relatives.
8. Holidaying with my parents is hard work. I can just about manage a weekend away.
9. Kids like the idea of going of course, but in reality they will take little interest in my relatives and friends of my parents, and I don't think they'd be that interest in ancient ruins, religious architecture, and lush forests (ok maybe that bit) and there would be a lot of travelling (they get bad travel sickness...bit better with the pills, but still not that great) involved to see these things. It would be monsoon season in the summer and most beaches are not safe.

If it was a 2 week break in that country, staying in a lovely hotel by the beach, half board, just the 4 of us that's a different thing (but it would cost a LOT and there are many other places I'd rather visit that I've never been to), but going on holiday with my parents and negotiating their needs and the kids needs would be difficult and that's what's mainly putting me off.
I would take my DCs to visit the country, but not now, in a few years time when they are able to get more out of it and not be so vulnerable in case of food poisoning etc. But my parents think they would soon be too frail to go around with them if we leave it much later and they keep asking me to make a decision.

So please, am I being previous and cold hearted towards my elderly parents who just want to take their DGC to show off their country? I think I am being unreasonable, but this is not a holiday I am looking forward to in the least.
Thanks for reading the mammoth post!

Just to clarify we went to Sri, had a driver and guide as we travelled about. Not fun with a toddler! Not my idea to go but the kids 8 plus years loved it. No one got sick

I think you should only do what you are comfortable with. To many people feel beholden to relatives and parade children round people they don't know as some kind of reverse zoo. Or like a travelling circus.

I'd wait until DCs are a bit older and you have an opportunity to get accommodation that suits your needs as a family.

It really depends how important your parents feelings about this are to you.

I can see both sides tbh but if it was my parents I would make the effort. It's only once and it means a lot to your DP's.

I don't really get the wanting a nanny etc, as you would be looking after your kids at home anyway I presume. If you look at it as not a holiday then surely you can cope with your kids as well as having your DH with you to help.

Could you hire a cleaner for a deep clean before you go to make life a bit easier?

I definitely don't want to stay with my parents in a shared house.

Could you stay every night (or 2) in different hotels? Esp to justify by the fact that the country has not been so open for travel for decades, so you could experience parts of Sri Lanka that you - and possibly they - have never seen.

Easy not 'esp'

Without trying to sound mean, do these other relatives actually want to meet your DC or are they not fussed and its what your parents want?
We are expats and live in a very inaccessible place, and not the sort of place most people would like a holiday in. My cousin decided to bring her husband and children out to meet us, along with my aunt and uncle. We don't really keep in contact so it was very out of the blue.
They then moaned bitterly the whole time and blamed us all the time for living in a "godforsaken hellhole" . They turned up with completely impractical clothes despite knowing what its like here and then wanted DH and I to pay for suitable clothes for them. They had a horrible time, we had a horrible time, it was a complete waste of their money.

So, on that note, is it with finding out if there are any family members who want to meet your DC and using the money to fly them to you instead? I appreciate it wouldn't let your parents show their country, but could be a halfway house, at least until your children are a bit older.

Sri Lanka is lovely in December. My brother got married there a few years ago and the whole family went, kids and all. No major tummy bugs, because we mostly ate in the hotels. In fact the only ill person was me, because I ate food from the roadside. I just fasted for 48 hours and was fine. Dioralite helped too, which I took with me as I'm like your DH.

Book decent hotels, and a car/bus with a/c for the whole trip. Cars/buses are ridiculously cheap. You'll be fine. Think of it as an adventure.

Meant to say that in your shoes if my parents asked that of me I would say no, but as others have said you have to do what you are comfortable with.

I think you should do it, but on your terms and not your parents. Travel separately if need be, book a hotel for the whole stay and try to make sure your children see their heritage in a really positive way. If you are paying a lot of money, then it needs to be something you all really enjoy.

I think your children are actually a good age for such an 'adventure' - you're right, it's not going to be a 'holiday', but it could be a good experience. Yes, you know what it's like there but you'll get to see the country through your children's eyes which will be intersting in itself. A week of duty, then a few days in a nice hotel or somewhere more like a hotel - the kids will go along with it. Mine had a holiday abroad for the first time this year, slightly younger pair, and found everything amazing and new, even in Europe.

And parents in their 70s could decline at any time, at least to the point of not being up for tiring long-haul travel. If they are willing to make it much more affordable, I think you will all remember it mostly fondly after.

I'm hoping to travel to family this year or next (USA, but not the bits tourists go to...), having not been there for 10 years, and my kids are definitely old enough. My main worry is actually the emotions of seeing aunts etc who I'm likely never to see again before they die. One made it here recently on the trip of a lifetime for her, and knowing that I may well never see her again made it very bittersweet. Though if you have never really been close to your overseas family, that wouldn't be such an issue.

My mum is from another country, though it's a developed country, and we went every year as children (this was 1970s). I remember it very well, and it helped me to gain a sense of her culture. My DCs are adopted from overseas and my mum's efforts to help us appreciate our culture have helped me see how important it is to keep them in contact with theirs. But there was a lot of boring visiting relatives (where friends who went on holiday had the trip of a lifetime), staying in dives if we wanted to travel as the flights were so expensive.

I would say go now AND again when they are older, when you can afford it again. Combine staying with family (or better in a small guest house nearby) with a beach trip, and go e.g. at Easter when the climate is less horrible. Don't make this a one off, make it as much a part of their childhood as you can.

Children grow up there (like you did) and yes they may get tummy bugs but ultimately they will be fine.

Family members in SL definitely not fussed about seeing my DCs! There's no one there that I'm close to. It's my parents wanting to show them off...and I do understand it.

Yes I think I will regret not going with my parents, even if I'm not intending to stay with them, I would like to make them happy and if this is what it takes then I guess I'll do it.

No it's not a holiday, it's a pilgrimage of sorts and a very important trip. You need to find the best compromise between your children being old enough and your parents being too old. Maybe 2-3 years from now?
I think it's important you go. For your parents and your children. Could you do a week of this then a week beach holiday after to recover :)

It's not a holiday but it'd be a great experience for your DC.

Sri Lanka is at the top of my places to visit list so i've been looking into it and indirect flights from regional airport can often beat the Heathrow ones (i have a good friend who flew there with Emirates recently).

My DF had been putting off a trip 'back home' for the last few years and now he's got to the stage where he can no longer make the journey. He missed his sibling's funeral last year. I will take my DC to their grandfather's birth country when the political situation is better.

I would go but is there somewhere near whenever your parents live that is more of a resort? A nearby beach area or anything like that within a reasonable travel distance to your parents ? Could you go there for the holiday and then make a trip to see your parents and book a hotel near them for a few nights?

Can your parents come over to the UK?

My DF had been putting off a trip 'back home' for the last few years and now he's got to the stage where he can no longer make the journey.

^ this. My MIL is in the same position.

At 79 OP your DF may be thinking the same way. He may not be able to make the trip in 3 years time.

I would not have taken my children to an Asian country at that age. When I have been as an adult, even though I'm in good health and we stayed in good accommodation, I got a nasty stomach bug, Young children will not have a properly developed immune system, and will be exposed to bugs etc that their bodies are just not used to. It would have made me too anxious. I am not saying don't go. If people feel ok about it, absolutely fine. It's just I can understand why you wouldn't want to at this point. Just because you have some family there doesn't change that.

it'll probably mean a lot to your DC too when they look back on it, by next year they'll be that crucial bit older and they can talk about it with your P for the years they have left. I always love that Frasier where Daphne is torn between a trip home to see her mum, and a sunny vacation and in the end Frasier gives her an extra week so she can do both. There's wisdom there I feel :)

I think the kids are too young. I'd take them when they might remember it, eg in 4-5 years' time. We went to Australia when ds was nearly 7 and he hardly remembers it at all.

And I'd insist on staying in decent hotels when I do go.

I think it's too big an ask by your parents to be honest. Not everyone is cut out for trips to exotic, hot and stomach-bug-inducing places. I would much rather use my precious holiday time going somewhere I know we'd all enjoy. And where we (probably) won't get ill.

I'd take them when they might remember it, eg in 4-5 years' time.

When her DParents may not be able to travel themselves by then.

You made a 9 point check list of reasons not to go. Don't go, you don't want to. If you do, it will be out of duty to your parents.

Send them an iPad and face time them as they show off DCs to relatives. I know I'm being flippant. My mum is in this county but not close enough to visit regularly. She likes to show off DS so I make sure she gets lots of pictures, not just of him but stuff he's done/made/certificates from school etc. Give them something to show off but don't go there if you really don't want to.

We recently took the kids to Sri Lanka at the age of 1.5 and 4, during April. They had the most amazing time and enjoyed every minute - there is so much to see there and standards have improved massively over the last 10 years (the roads and general infrastructure in particular - DH and I had been before and the difference was very noticeable). No tummy bugs in sight and we all loved the food.

It doesn't need to be hard unless you make it BUT I'd say it's worth paying the extra to have your own accommodation. There are loads of options in SL - it doesn't have to be hotels, you can hire houses (some have a chef included) and they don't need to cost the earth, particularly if you have relatives who can book locally. SL residents usually benefit from significantly lower prices than tourists.

Carseats - take your own as they aren't really done there (7 kids in a tuktuk or on the back of a motorbike isn't an uncommon site). It isn't particularly expensive to hire a car and driver ime but we loved getting out and about by tuktuk (just close your eyes at hairy moments).

Definitely prioritise your extension over this "holiday".

If your parents want to show off their GC, they should pay for your holiday, not just half the cost of flights.

I think waiting 4 or 5 years when your parents are increasingly frail and in their late 70s would be crazy if a large part of the purpose of the trip would be to please them. Christmas 2017 sounds like it could work, though. And yes, negotiate the details (accommodation, visiting, activities etc) to make it work for you.