to think that this won't be a "holiday"?

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I'm completely prepared to be told that IABU as I'm really torn about this and I probably am being completely unreasonable. I just need some honest opinions (hence braving AIBU) to decide what to do.

Right, my country of birth is in Asia. I have lived there for 13yrs and I have lived in England for nearly 24yrs.
I have 2 DCs 8 and 6. I have never taken them to my birth country. My parents live here and have been for the last 24yrs. My aunt and uncle and my cousins also live here and so I only have a few relatives left in that country.
Last time I went there was 12 years ago after I got married (DH is English).
My parents are in their 70s now and I'm their only child. They want me to take the kids to this country for a holiday and show them off to their extended families and friends and also show them the country.

Now under normal circumstances this wouldn't be a problem but my concerns are that..

1. No direct flight there unless we travel down to Heathrow which would add on a few extra hours to the already long flight.
2. Cost would be nearly £4K for just the flights for four of us, but my parents offered to pay half, but it's not about the money really, we do have the money.
3. DH is not keen (but would go if I insist) as he spend much of his time there on his previous visit with a tummy bug and was pretty ill and he worries the kids will suffer from it.
4. There is no proper place to stay. My parents have a small house, but it needs to be cleaned and prepared for all of us staying (my parents idea of clean is different to mine..that's a whole other thread), even then there might not be enough room. Otherwise we will have to pay for accommodation, adding to the costs.
5. We would have to hire a driver for our entire stay. The public transport is very basic and nothing much to do by just walking, and driving ourselves is out of the question as the roads are very chaotic. Kids car seats might be not available as nobody uses them there...(the last time I went, might be different now).
6. It is HOT there. The kids complain on a hot day up here in the North and it will be nearly 40degs there. Even I would find it completely exhausting. You just can't DO anything in that heat.
7. I don't want to go round visiting relatives.
8. Holidaying with my parents is hard work. I can just about manage a weekend away.
9. Kids like the idea of going of course, but in reality they will take little interest in my relatives and friends of my parents, and I don't think they'd be that interest in ancient ruins, religious architecture, and lush forests (ok maybe that bit) and there would be a lot of travelling (they get bad travel sickness...bit better with the pills, but still not that great) involved to see these things. It would be monsoon season in the summer and most beaches are not safe.

If it was a 2 week break in that country, staying in a lovely hotel by the beach, half board, just the 4 of us that's a different thing (but it would cost a LOT and there are many other places I'd rather visit that I've never been to), but going on holiday with my parents and negotiating their needs and the kids needs would be difficult and that's what's mainly putting me off.
I would take my DCs to visit the country, but not now, in a few years time when they are able to get more out of it and not be so vulnerable in case of food poisoning etc. But my parents think they would soon be too frail to go around with them if we leave it much later and they keep asking me to make a decision.

So please, am I being previous and cold hearted towards my elderly parents who just want to take their DGC to show off their country? I think I am being unreasonable, but this is not a holiday I am looking forward to in the least.
Thanks for reading the mammoth post!

I'm not from the UK and I travel home every year (it is much, much closer than Sri Lanka). I bloody hate doing it and I don't get on very well with my parents but I think it's important for my children to have experience of my home country and to have time with my parents while my parents are well enough to enjoy it. Once my parents are no longer around I probably won't go back much at all.

I get where you're coming from - it is a massive hassle and expense, but I think you should do it. They may not remember it very clearly but there will be photos. It will be worth it I think.

It might not be a traditional holiday, but important for your kids to see your heritage.

It would be monsoon season

Monsoon season can be dangerous, particularly for children

Request a rain check

it's an adventure not a holiday. Either tack on a few days in one of the many seriously luxurious (clean & spacious) hotels there, or treat it as a different type of trip. Kids can get tummy upsets in the UK, it's no reason not to travel. Take your own car seats if you think there won't be any available (unlikely in itself). Do it.

BTW I don't see trips home as a holiday at all - they're a duty. Seeing as I'm not in the same country as my parents it's like all my duty visits combined into one week :)

Can you pick a time when the weather is cooler?

I really would look on this as a great opportunity for your children and for your parents and if I could afford it I'd try my best to make it work. It's a learning experience for everyone.

It reads very much like you are anxious of your parents cluttered and disordered lives and I don't blame you at all but if you could make it work I'd go for it.

Could you compromise on a week with your parents to visit various relatives and then a week doing your own thing?

Admittedly I've never been to Asia but I think your kids at those ages will cope better than you expect.

TBH I would be inclined to suck it up for the sake of your parents as it obviously means a lot of them, especially if they're willing to help out financially.

As someone born "between cultures" I think it's really sad that you are not keener to share this part of their heritage with the. Yes there are lots of potential problems but none of them are insurmountable. Certainly I'm glad my parents made the effort.

PS My kids complain about the heat, flies, dirt etc in the UK too but still massively enjoyed 3 weeks travelling in Borneo last summer (nothing to do with my heritage unfortunately). They may surprise you.

.. with ^your kids....

My own two are just turning 6 and 8, and we are dying to start visiting far flung places again soon, and our feeling is that when they're 7/8 and 9/10, it's going to be GREAT. They'll be more robust and can walk better etc.

I would be inclined to see if you can push this trip back to 2018, but whether you go this year or next year, GO. Ignore dreary husband worrying about getting a tummy bug and just be super careful. Runny tummies are part and parcel of budget travel in Asia and not a good enough reason not to go back.

Totally take your parents up on the offer of a contribution though and put that towards improving the standard of your accommodation - you may even find that there is Airbnb near where you need to be! If you found a roomy 4 bedroom house with air conditioning and a decent kitchen that you could all go in on, and a bit of budget for a housekeeper a couple of hours a day, that would put a very different complexion on it.

Last time I went on a big family holiday (DH's parents and brother, my father and brother, and us) I organised a huge rural house and for a cleaning lady to come in for two hours every morning to blitz the place and sort the kitchen out. Damned if I was going to get lumbered with that crap on holiday.

Would it be possible to fly your parents to you instead ... if you're not fussed for the other relatives they could maybe visit your children here and stay in a small hotel if cost not a problem?

I think you should go but plan it very carefully.

You say money isn't an issue so spend to make it more comfortable. Your parents are aging so don't delay, go while they still can. I think it is a one off and in years to come when you look back you will be glad you did.

Have some beach days between the visiting days. Sri Lanka is beautiful.

Can't the relatives come to you?

It seems to me waiting until they are 8 and 10 would make a massive difference to 6 and 8. As you say I can't see a 6 year old being very interested in the old palaces and fortresses and tanks etc. whereas to an 8 or 10 year old hopefully that stuff would all be pretty interesting. Plus elephants, monkeys, beaches etc. all good at any age?

I've only ever been to Sri Lanka for a wedding and although it was great it was very hot and we tried to do activities at the start and end of the day as much as possible. On the other hand, at least it isn't too huge so you could see a lot without having to change hotel/base every day. And FWIW none of my party got sick (staying and eating in hotels other than a couple of visits to private homes in Colombo). Couldn't you go for 2 weeks, choose 2 or 3 hotels to base yourself in close to wherever your relatives are and then do early morning or late afternoon trips out from those bases - and your rellies could join you on the day trips, or come to see you for lunch and a swim at your hotel (and your parents could make extra trips out to see relatives without you, which would give you a bit of space)? It would still be expensive, but as a one off, and if your parents are offering to contribute, should be doable?

But unless you have reason to think it's likely that your parents won't be up to the trip in 2 years I'd offer to do it then rather than now.

In Sri Lanka, hire somewhere for the whole time and then it can be a holiday.

Serialweightwatcher I think the OPs parents live over here too, so it is a question of them wanting to go over with the OP , to visit the wider family in SL.

I like the idea of postponing until 2018. Gives plenty of time to plan it and make sure that it's as comfortable as you can make it.

You don't have to slum it just because other family members think that you have to do that to fit in. Book the nice hotels, villa plus housekeeper. Whatever makes it more relaxing and enjoyable for you all.

You have a couple of excuses for postponing - monsoon season, ages of the DC and time to plan.

I think you should definitely all go - show the DC their heritage - but make it into a holiday not a chore.

"they had no memory of it at all. A couple of the older ones vaguely remembered, and the eldest (when asked later) could remember more, but he was 13 when we went."

Really? My kids remember holidays we had when they were 5 / 6 and talk about them often.

A 13yo couldn't remember a holiday? I find that very strange

Look OP you don't want to go so just say so rather than using the kids as an excuse

If it's any consolation, I visited Sri Lanka a few years ago with dc and getting a 'safe car' with car seats was not too hard. The car fairly obviously marked us out as rich foreigners, but our looks did too so wasn't a problem really.

You sound like me and like me I think you should go, for the sake of your children more so than your parents. It's important from a heritage point of view, for them to know where they're history lies. It's very easy to be comfortable and forget about. It will be harder for them to find out the longer you leave it.

I think children are a lot more robust than adults so I wouldn't worry about them so much, but like Lovelybangers says, leave it a year or so, build up enough cache so that you can enjoy it properly. Otherwise like Jamaica is for me, Sri Lanka is more than just a chore (it becomes bloody hard work).

My dad is 79 and my mum is 73. They aren't ill as such, but have those minor health issues...bad backs, painful knees..occasionally, that age brings. So I can't really predict what they will be like in 2yrs time.

My parents live over here Serialweightwatcher otherwise I would certainly have been before to visit them with the kids.

hmm.....I'm thinking like you say another year or so would make some difference. Also we are moving house this spring hopefully, and saving up for an extension, so spending thousands on a holiday is not very convinient....perhaps next year would be doable.

To be honest you or your DH don't have the right attitude for a holiday like this. I lived in Asia for many years and many of my friends and their families did travel like this with similar aged kids and had an amazing time. If you don't like spending time with your parents I can understand that kind of ruining the trip but all the other issues are part of the fun and adventure of this type of travel. But it sounds like it's not a suitable trip for your family and the characters involved.

I think it would be fantastic for dc but when they're older do promise dps that you'll plan for it in 5 years time so dc remember the experience.

That sounded meaner than intended! I just mean that there's no point doing this kind of travel if it's not the kind of thing you like! For some people (my DH and I included) it sounds like an amazing trip.

None of the points that you have raised would concern me really. T my eyes, they very much sound like excuses. (Im saying this as someone in a similar situation than you btw).

You issue is basically that you have no relationship with what your home country anymore. You arent interested at all with going there and I suspect you have not made any effort to transmit your original culture to your dcs either.

So the only reason to go is make your parents happy so they can go back to their home country one last time with their own dgc. So they can go and see relatives that are dear to THEM.

The question is, can you make that effort for your parents?