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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want our Christmas present to DNs to be DN1s birthday gift

59 replies

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 08:31

Ok a quick warning here, this is pretty petty and I'm aware I'm bu, I suppose I'm more venting and wanting confirmation I'm being petty and grumpy.

Well for Christmas we got our two DNs tickets to a nearby attraction, they haven't been before and we knew they would really love it so got tickets for them. They're flexible tickets they can used any day of the year.

Sil has announced she's taking them to the attraction as DN1s birthday treat. Now I'm a bit about it as it wasn't his birthday gift it was a Christmas gift, to be used as a treat for both nephews, not so she doesnt have to plan a birthday treat for DN1. At the same time, they're still going to have a great time and enjoy the attraction regardless of when they go so in a way it makes no difference whatsoever when they go.

So really aibu to be a bit unimpressed sil is using DNs Christmas gift this way?

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 09/01/2017 08:34

Yanbu, I would feel the same! Nothing you can do though. Are the dns old enough to realise it was actually their Xmas present?

PaintingPolly · 09/01/2017 08:34

I can't see the problem to be honest! They are going and you are still getting the credit for buying the tickets. What does it matter when they go? I'm fact, you could look at it as increasing the importance of your present.

Ragwort · 09/01/2017 08:36

Yes, I think you are being petty - sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. .

Are you secretly thinking that your SIL is being a bit 'cheapskate' by not paying for the birthday treat herself?

How old are the nephews - do they know you gave them the tickets, did they thank you themselves, is that what is important to you? (I am really 'hot' on thank you letters but obviously if the children are very young it's unlikely that they can send their own thank you's).

Aeroflotgirl · 09/01/2017 08:36

That's very cheeky of her! Not much you can do . You coukd cheekily ask her if she's planning anything else for DN birthday, or just using the tickets YOU gave. Next year don't give them tickers, as sil will probably do it again.

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 08:37

Dn1 is, but dn2 is too young to get it. So again it's not a big thing, dn2 won't realise he's sort of missing out.

I may just stop buying days out for Christmas, or not get flexible day tickets, I prefer getting something they can go out and do rather than toys as my pils go crazy with our kids at Christmas!

OP posts:

ThisMorningWentBadly · 09/01/2017 08:39

I can't see a problem with what your SIL is doing, provided that your DN know it is a gift from you.

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 08:40

I'm glad we all generally agree, it's a little cheeky but non consequential. I'm not worried about the money saving aspect, I do think she's cheaping out on the effort side of things, as shes doing what's easiest. But to be fair I shouldn't resent that!

I'm just glad others would be a little annoiyed too, I feel less petty, but still petty!

OP posts:

MackerelOfFact · 09/01/2017 08:40

I've done the reverse and used vouchers given for a birthday to go and see a Christmassy show. I just think it makes it a bit more special than going on a random day, doesn't it?

Whatsername17 · 09/01/2017 08:40

I don't get it. They are obviously really excited by your gift so are going on a special day. Id just be pleased they were using the vouchers.

dowhatnow · 09/01/2017 08:41

Depends on how old they are and how she words it to them.

" we'll use cuppas Christmas present to you both on x's birthday as that's a great time to use it to make it a lovely day out" = ok.

"We are going to y place for x's birthday" = not ok.

Isadora2007 · 09/01/2017 08:42

Do you know their financial situation? Could it be that they aren't well off and january is a tough month?
Or is it somewhere there will be other costs? I ask this as once my dear friend kindly got tickets for us to go free to the safari park. The SP has a fairground attached to it though and it always costs quite a bit to get a full day of fun there once you factor in the rides and food and a visit to the shop. So although our entry was free the day out itself still cost us £30. I was delighted the tickets were free and we had a great day BUT it wasn't a free day out on the back of those tickets alone.

Honestly I would let it go and allow the tickets to be used as you kindly intended- for your nephews to have a good day out.

Isadora2007 · 09/01/2017 08:43

And did you get adult tickets too? It can be prohibitive going for a whole family day out sometimes so if you've bought the kids tickets now you may have made it an affordbale birthday treat that they couldn't have done at full price in January.

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 08:47

Looking at the replies I think I've found what's actually bothering me. I'm not convinced sil will let dns know it was from us and will just tell them they're going as a birthday treat. She is pretty bad at acknowledging gifts and she can be a bit thoughtless at times, not out of malice or rudeness, just forgetfulness. But they're young enough it's not too important who their gifts are from, as long as they have a lovely day out, I'm happy. I didn't give their gift to receive the credit I wanted them to have a fab day which they will have.

Plus part of me is being greedy for my nephews wanting them to go to the attraction and have a birthday treat, but that's me being totally bratty and that part of me is very ur! But I'm happy to admit that.

OP posts:

DownWithThatSort0fThing · 09/01/2017 08:49

There are a lot of 'I am perpetually offended by everything' type posts on here

BadKnee · 09/01/2017 08:50

I get it. The present was for them to enjoy a day out that they wouldn't normally have had. A wet Wednesday in January brightened up by something nice from Aunty CuppaSarah

Later they would have their birthday treats as usual.

Instead one Nephew gets a birthday treat, the other enjoys his own present but it is his brother's birthday so not quite "his" in the same way. And SiL has an easy life and a "free lunch". Whether the second child will get as exciting a day for his birthday we don't know.

I would feel the same if someone bought me voucher for dinner at a ** restaurant as a Christmas present and then arranged for it to be used on my birthday - instead of a birthday present. YANBU

picklemepopcorn · 09/01/2017 08:50

How about planning it next time so you can go too? Then you actually see them enjoying it, too?

allowlsthinkalot · 09/01/2017 08:50

The second nephew will still get to go? The boys will have a treat they wouldn't otherwise have had? They get to go to the place you thought they'd love? I don't see the problem.

allowlsthinkalot · 09/01/2017 08:52

Perhaps they couldn't have had a birthday day out without the tickets?

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 08:52

Isadora I asked sil about buying a day out and she was very clear with her criteria, as while they're not poor, they're not flush either. It's a short drive away and I sorted the entire families tickets. It's the kind of place you bring a packed lunch and can avoid the gift shop! So its just the cost of petrol for them. I made this mistake last year and got tickets to a place with higher transport costs so she was very clear she didn't want that again!

OP posts:

BadKnee · 09/01/2017 08:54

You also sound very thoughtful OP.

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 08:55

I should say they arent going till late spring, if it were January I wouldn't even question it, January is a tough month!

OP posts:

Isadora2007 · 09/01/2017 08:56

Then you are really very kind and the kids will at least have a fab day out.

Maybe as they get a little older you and your DP can buy tickets to take them out for the day with you? That was SIL can't use it in this way again but also gets a day off so she won't moan about it!!
Hope they have a great time

Evergreen17 · 09/01/2017 08:56

You have open tickets with no dates so I see no problem in them using them then, as long as the words "I thought we could use the tickets your auntie gave us for Christmas and have a lovely day out on your BDay" are spoken.

Since it was your present

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 09/01/2017 08:57

I understand your feelings.

A day out you bought for the kids is now being used in place of a birthday treat, they should be having both & your SIL should have made it clear the day out was a treat from you. Or at least in part if it cost them a lot of money on top of the entry ticket.

She's doing them out of your treat or their birthday treat.

Crumbs1 · 09/01/2017 09:01

Pathetic overreaction.

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