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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want our Christmas present to DNs to be DN1s birthday gift

59 replies

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 08:31

Ok a quick warning here, this is pretty petty and I'm aware I'm bu, I suppose I'm more venting and wanting confirmation I'm being petty and grumpy.

Well for Christmas we got our two DNs tickets to a nearby attraction, they haven't been before and we knew they would really love it so got tickets for them. They're flexible tickets they can used any day of the year.

Sil has announced she's taking them to the attraction as DN1s birthday treat. Now I'm a bit Hmm about it as it wasn't his birthday gift it was a Christmas gift, to be used as a treat for both nephews, not so she doesnt have to plan a birthday treat for DN1. At the same time, they're still going to have a great time and enjoy the attraction regardless of when they go so in a way it makes no difference whatsoever when they go.

So really aibu to be a bit unimpressed sil is using DNs Christmas gift this way?

OP posts:
BIgBagofJelly · 09/01/2017 09:01

I would probably feel the same way as you - as DN1 has missed out on a birthday treat, it's a bit like SiL is using your gift as a gift to herself (saving herself the cost of the tickets). On the other hand if she's hard up or had planned to go anyway for DN1's birthday, or perhaps she didn't want DN1's birthday treat to be overshadowed by your gift so combined the two? Either way I understand your annoyance but wouldn't do anything about it.

sirfredfredgeorge · 09/01/2017 09:01

"I'm really struggling with money at the moment, can't afford anything fun to do with DS on his birthday, DB bought us a family ticket to local attraction, can I use that to give the kid a fun birthday?"

YABU.

Original poster
CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 09:05

I'm glad a few people understand how I'm feeling. It's one of those things, nothing you can do about it, but a bit annoying. I feel so much better getting it off my chest I can put it to bed now!

OP posts:
Imbroglio · 09/01/2017 09:09

My advice would be to offer to take your nephews yourself if you decide to give them tickets to anything again. Then there is no doubt.

I acknowledge that I hate anything which involves rollercoasters and when my children were small would have preferred them to be taken by someone who actually enjoys these things.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 09/01/2017 09:09

dn2 won't realise he's sort of missing out
will DN2 be going or not? If not YANBU!

MatildaTheCat · 09/01/2017 09:09

I'd be a bit fed up but to be fair you gave the whole family a present so it is up to them when it gets used. Maybe another time you could take DN out for a special day trip for his present and it's less likely to be confused?

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2017 09:12

Perhaps next time get them stuff. It doesn't have to be toys, maybe clothes, games or crafting. Or now that they're getting older, you could take them to a show. Once we were school age, my aunt used to take my brother and I into central London at Christmas to see a west end show. She paid a friend to drive the 25 miles, who had a black cab so it was pretty special.

GreenTureen · 09/01/2017 09:13

We've done this before op (what your SIL did Shock - similar anyway) so i'l tell you our situation.

A couple of years ago, my sister bought us a two night glamping package, for the four of us, for Xmas. Amazing gift - we go camping regularly but the dc had wanted to go glamping for ages so they were thrilled.

So, we decided to go spring/summer when the weather would be nice. Ds2's birthday is in April and always falls over the 2 week Easter break. He generally has his party on the nearest weekend and then we do 'something' on his birthday day. Due to extra bank holiday days, both dh and I had four days off over ds2's birthday, so we used the tickets on his birthday.

It never even occurred to me for that to be wrong - we didn't tell the dc it was 'ds's birthday treat', just 'you know the glamping tickets Auntie X got us - we're going next Tuesday, we'll glamp on ds2's birthday' which they were thrilled with. My sister seemed fine too.

IF they know it's from you and just happens to be being used on a family birthday, I don't really see the issue. If however, they're effectively stealing the gift by making out that that's their treat day out, i'd have the hump with that.

Original poster
CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 09:14

I'd love to take the dns out for the day(or two or three), but sil isn't keen! I think she'd let us take dn1 now though, but not dn2.

Truth be told we couldn't afford to take our kids and hers though, it took us long enough to save for the family ticket and we dont have anyone to take our kids for the day either.

OP posts:
Imbroglio · 09/01/2017 09:15

ps I do think trips out are a great idea. No clutter.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2017 09:19

Upthread I said about my aunt taking us out. She used to leave my uncle at home with their children, who were a lot older and wouldn't have wanted to come. And it doesn't have to be mega costly. Going to the local panto with a trip to McDonald's or Pizza Hut. Would that be doable? You may have to wait till dn2 is older.

Notso · 09/01/2017 09:26

I wouldn't be paying for another family to have a day out if I couldn't afford it for my own children.

It's wrong of them to not acknowledge the tickets are from you if that's what they have done but fine to use them whenever they want.

Maybe get them stuff next year.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/01/2017 09:27

Is it more that they have effectively missed out on a gift from you if SIL will take the credit for the day out? That it appears to the children that you have got them nothing for Christmas - when in fact you went out of your way to get them a thoughtful gift.

VinoTime · 09/01/2017 09:27

Don't understand at all, I'm afraid. I think I'd simply be tickled that DN's were going to have an awesome, memorable birthday using a gift I'd bought them. That's part of the fun of gift giving surely? Getting that thrill from knowing the gift was enjoyed and well received?

I would secretly be hoping for a message to be sent through on FB/Whatsapp/Messenger with a picture of them there though - titled 'Thanks for the fabulous gift Auntie! We're having THE BEST time!' Wink

hiccupgirl · 09/01/2017 09:31

I don't see the issue with your SIL doing this tbh. It's got to be better than them not using the passes or struggling to find something else to do in January.

But if it's really bothered you then I would take them somewhere yourself next year and then you can make sure both DNs get the treat you planned.

shovetheholly · 09/01/2017 09:38

It sounds as though what is really bothering you is that you feel your SIL might be claiming your gift as her gift? I think that would bother me as well. It's a slightly different issue from when the family choose to go to the attraction you've so kindly purchased the tickets for.

I'm not sure there's much you can do about it, though. If the kids were older you could ask them when you see them whether they enjoyed your treat, but it sounds as though they may be a little too young for this to work?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 09/01/2017 09:38

There is no issue here, you are being ridiculously petty

TheNiffler · 09/01/2017 09:40

I get it, they're effectively losing your gift, as it will become part of the birthday, rather than a separate 'thing'. I'd be pissed too.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 09/01/2017 09:42

You should have said "Here is a lovely gift for your family but make sure I get credit on the day you go too not just today and make sure you don't use it on another occasion as it's unfair if you get to save the money you would have had to spend for that"

You got thanked for the gift, if you bought the kids a game would you expect to be thanked every time they played it? No, your nephew's will have a nice day, don't be a mean petty joy sucker about it

mydietstartsmonday · 09/01/2017 09:49

I would be too concerned about it. It is nice they think it is special enough to save for a birthday. Both boys will enjoy the day and it is something to look forward to and for them to do as a family.

mydietstartsmonday · 09/01/2017 09:49

*wouldn't

DailyFail1 · 09/01/2017 09:52

I personally think it's cheeky. Especially if she won't acknowledge the gift is from you and is excluding the younger son.

NavyandWhite · 09/01/2017 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CuppaSarah · 09/01/2017 09:56

NoCabbage you have just inspired something magical! A bluetooth button on games that Whatsapps the present giver every time it's used! That way I can keep track of who is the most grateful and for how long, then next year I can distribute gifts accordingly! Grin

Sorry dsis, didn't get many alerts from your monopoly so nothing for you this year!

I'm happy I'm bu but not entirely u, which is better than I imagined.

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 09/01/2017 10:01

Well if it's a success CuppaSarah I'll be after you for a share 😂 Stranger things have taken off