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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you have learned about yourself by being on Mumsnet?

135 replies

LauderSyme · 09/01/2017 00:22

I've learned that

  • I am a gullible fool (or if being kind, I always want to see the best in people Wink)
  • I am a lot more authoritarian than I thought. I always believed I was pretty liberal, but have realised that I put a lot of faith in rules and think people should abide by them and reap the consequences if they don't.

Am sure there's more but these are the two things that have struck me most. How about you?

OP posts:
chickenowner · 10/01/2017 19:55

How lucky I am to have had a happy childhood, and no major trauma or difficulties in my life.

That I made the right decision not to have children.

I am currently finding that MN is helping me to become better at saying no, with no explanation needed, and to stop apologizing when I don't need to!

Oblivia · 10/01/2017 19:56

I have learned that i have a lovely husband who would do anything for me

My life is easy compared to many on here

I am definitely not a feminist

MissJSays · 10/01/2017 20:19

Wow the people who have realised they could be autistic! That's really interesting.

I think I've learnt that I don't know quite as much about stuff as I thought I did. It's been quite grounding really.

Ohyesiam · 10/01/2017 20:47

I've learnt that in a lot less judgemental than some, and that I have lots fewer "rules" than some. For example I have no views on what a ' proper' wedding should consist of, and am amazed at the outrage caused by couples who err from average at all.
I've always thought I'm quite anxious, but when I see so many people getting worked up about things that could never matter to me, I am beginning to wonder if I am quoetly laid back.
I have also learned that I am much less black and white than some, I always notice that ltb seems to be the main relationship advice that is offered. There seems to be little belief that people can change, or heal their psychological wounds. (But I've experienced therapy working, and partners changing, and mellowing out, learning to deal with their behaviour, so out of all my examples, I do understand this more rigid thinking the most).

Ohyesiam · 10/01/2017 20:51

And also I fear that reading between the lines ,people are much better at housework and home organisation than me. I try, my house is clean, but of could be cleaner. I never seen to know about fantastic lakeland products that do the job for you, or steam cleaners that do the grout. Actually ive been meaning to do a thread search about steam cleaners.....

scottishdiem · 10/01/2017 21:12

That the decision DP and I made not to have children has been backed up by so many threads.

That so many people seem to live by a vast array of unwritten rules. That so many people seem to think others have to live by those rules as well (regardless if they know them).

That so many men are complete bastards.

That so many men and so many women cannot seem to communicate with each other.

That so many women have no idea that men and women argue differently and that if you argue with a man in the same way as a woman then its very annoying and doesnt work.

That I need to be available for my DP, communicate with my DP and remind my DP daily with hugs, kisses and little touches that are not a prelude to sex but a reminder of my love.

That I am so right on that I got a halo. (this was an act of sarcasm by the giver but I would wear it pride).

BipBippadotta · 10/01/2017 21:24

I have learned that the more anxious I am about situations in my own life, the more irritating I become on other people's threads. I am never more of an opinionated, sanctimonious twat than when I'm desperately trying not to think about something upsetting.

(I wonder if that's what's often behind vexatious goading / trolling - people in anxious or desperate circumstances whose fear finds an outlet in anonymous aggression or bizarrely stridently held opinions about random things.)

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 10/01/2017 21:33

I have been quite judgemental (MN has made me less so), as was my adored DM. I also used to be a bit entitled in my assumptions about free childcare from the GPs but DM soon put me straight on that anyway. That I'm OK as a mum even when I think I'm shit (I'll never be great though). I can be harsh on my DH in a PA way. He's great really, just irritates me sometimes.

holidaysaregreat · 10/01/2017 21:57

That I am more laid back than I thought I was - some people seem to get really wound up about things that I couldn't care less about.
That people hate getting toiletry gift sets - never buying another one!
That people seem to dislike teachers - honestly hadn't realized some people were so pissed off.
That a moderately OKish salary is peanuts compared to what some people earn on here - and that we can't afford many things people on here take for granted.
That I get less time to relax than other people.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 11/01/2017 19:22

Oh yes - earnings. I can't get over what so many people get. I'm an ex teacher now earning less than half what I used to but even my former earnings are absolute peanuts in comparison.

Laska5772 · 12/01/2017 19:24

Im pretty sure a lot of reported earnings cant be true.. especially those who say they earn loads for P/T .. I am a well qualified ( masters degree level) person working in the public sector ( so yes it will be less), but I am F/T with lots of years in and in a semi professional capacity and I only get about the national average wage ..

JaxingJump · 12/01/2017 20:18

Laska I have to disagree. I know a lot of people who earn well over £100k. Bankers, lawyers, company heads and entrepreneurs. So I wouldn't assume people are lying at all.

Laska5772 · 12/01/2017 20:24

sorry, I didnt mean to imply lying .. but I do wonder when i see such high reported earnings ( unless I really only know a lot od very badly paid people) .. or just that my contemporaries and uni friends just didnt do that well !!

JaxingJump · 12/01/2017 20:29

It's an interesting question Laska! I'm 35 and DH 42. We lived and worked abroad so mixed with a huge amount of expats who earned a lot. I don't think people under 30 even get sent out to be expats much anymore. So if you are under 30, I would not be surprised if your peers aren't earning what mine were 10yrs ago. It's all gone horribly wrong.

crunched · 12/01/2017 20:31

That I should be ashamed to ever read the Daily Mail and it is really the Daily Fail.
That I should use a moon cup or similar rather than use tampons.

Laska5772 · 12/01/2017 20:36

i'm 59!! Jaxing [grin!] but slightly older than a lot of my uni friends , but most of them would be in their 40s now.. We were obviously doing the wrong degrees..

However if you count total household income we have all done pretty well.. well enought for most of us to have our own home etc.. its swings and roundabouts .. I'm not complaining .. we have paid off house , built up pension , raised the kids .. I am lucky I know ,, (and that is something that MN has taught me..)

Oblomov16 · 12/01/2017 20:36

That I'm more rigid than I realised.
But that I don't mind if people have completely opposing views, say political.

I've learnt that I haven't learnt anything about myself. In the last decade. I was staggered by people before and I still am. I was puzzled that I was so weird and odd, and couldn't understand why people did what they did. Now that's got worse. What motivates some people is beyond my comprehension.

I'm still as puzzled as I was. I've learnt nothing. I find that scarey and depressing.

Dutch1e · 12/01/2017 20:48

That I needed an instant pot pressure cooker in my life. That I would let an amazon delivery man use my loo

^This!

Also that I need a stern editor because my posts go on for an entire screen. I am in awe of the posters who say what they need to say in 10 words or less.

this is my shortest reply ever and I have a billion more things to add so I should stop now

ineedmorelemonpledge · 12/01/2017 20:54

That I'm a complete pervert. BlushGrinGrinGrin

LumelaMme · 12/01/2017 21:20

That my father was a narcissist: that was a moment of total revelation, and explained many things I had not previously understood (and yes, I know you shouldn't diagnose in absentia when not qualified etc etc but if you had MET him...!)

That I am more of a feminist than I thought I was.

That I am not anti-trans but can see a lot of problems cropping up now and in future with whole gender business, and am worried women will lose out.

I find MN is a good place for testing what I think about some issues: if someone starts to shout at you, you can close the thread for a bit, whereas if your SIL starts to shout at you, the fallout will last a decade.

Patsy99 · 12/01/2017 21:40

Just how much I dislike confrontation, I back away from a debate on a thead which is getting heated.

That despite being opinionated In RL I don't wade in on a thread unless I think I can add something useful or illuminating - I like that about myself.

Brentlicious · 12/01/2017 21:55

I have leaned that when I used, on MN, a pejorative term ( an anagram of GALS ) to describe someone whose behaviour had been appalling, I was flamed, berated, vilified and generally treated like the spawn of the devil.
I've heard this word used countless times on TV and not necessarily after the watershed, and whilst it's probably not a favourite in polite society it's not as unacceptable as, say, cunt, and several others which are frequently in use on MN. My thread was deleted by the sensitivity police. I have not yet, however, learned what their standards are.

lljkk · 12/01/2017 21:56

I'm pretty weird. In my work life I forget about it, but omg on MN I don't get to. I am so happy about my general laid back attitudes.

I make decisions with my head, not my heart... most people are the opposite.

I don't agree with most of you on most things... you don't agree with most the world (all I have to do is read comments on news articles or listen to radio phone-ins to verify that).

TulipsInAJug · 12/01/2017 22:15

That I'm a feminist.
That DH is one in a million.
That we earn a pittance compared to many people.
That I'm not as clever, and certainly not as articulate, as I'd thought.
That I have more time to relax and more time to myself than most mums.
That not joining Facebook was the right decision.
That I'm not obsessed by class and find the class fixation on MN utterly bizarre.
The danger of transactivism and the fragility of women's rights.

SnowmaggedonAgain · 12/01/2017 22:33

That I am conservative with a small c.

Really I haven't learned about me but I have learned more about others reasoning. I am talking about mundanities like the school gate though. Nothing deep!