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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you refer to your DD's vulva?

295 replies

Lalunya85 · 08/01/2017 20:43

I'm not sure if this has been done a million times before but here's my dilemma:

We speak three languages at home (including English, but it's neither my DH nor my mother tongue). In all of those languages, there are plenty of nice/cute/child appropriate ways to refer to ours son's penis.

Now my DD (15 months) has begun to show an interest in her genitals. But she is pointing at them and then uses the word that we use for our son's penis. I want to offer her a nice name that is neither technical, nor has been sexualised or turned into an insult.

None if our languages offers a solution.

Any ideas??

OP posts:
slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:21

And why teach vulva and vagina, but not the rest.

Why do they need to know vagina (internal) and not for instance, intestine or appendix?

Am referring to my toddlers here not a secondary schooler

slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:22

Can't even call it pudenda due to the Latin meaning

blowmybarnacles · 08/01/2017 22:23

Venus.

MitzyLeFrouf · 08/01/2017 22:24

I think if you're going to be an anti foof vulva warrior it's helpful if you're consistent. That's all!

slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:26

My 2 year old knows she has 3 holes. She knows she has a wee hole, a 'butthole' (taught by her husband and said with much merriment) and a lady hole.

She knows she can call the whole front area her bits, privates or foof. When she is school age I will start teaching her medical terms. It's not about being ashamed, it's about being relateable and gleaning understanding for a very young child.

Yes, I KNOW it's a urethral hole, but she can't say or understand that. Pee hole she understands.

Waffles80 · 08/01/2017 22:26

Warrior, gosh.

You've not quite articulated your objection to vulva. Someone upthread said it was 'cringey' but that wasn't massively illuminating.

Flingmoo · 08/01/2017 22:28

I agree with dollydaydream114 - talking about the vulva and penis feels a bit like saying to your husband "Fancy having some intercourse? I'm sure you're in the mood for fellatio..." Or going into work with a blocked nose and saying "Sorry, I'm just suffering from a bit of nasal congestion"

It just doesn't feel right and that's not because of shame or gender politics or squeamishness - it's just sounds pompously formal and medical sounding.

Puppymouse · 08/01/2017 22:28

Fluffy pigs I just tried to read your comment out to DH and started choking I was laughing so much. Love it.

I hold my hand up and say I grew up saying front bottom and still say it now. And DH and I both refer to it as that with DD. I really would have liked to see my DGM who I adored and sadly died last year hear DD say "my vulva hurts!" It's just anatomy but that doesn't mean everyone's comfy saying it. That's just life.

slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:29

Her dad / my husband.
My 2 year old does not have a husband

MitzyLeFrouf · 08/01/2017 22:30

I have no objection whatsoever to the word 'vulva'. Never said I did. 'Front bottom' is the term that makes me cringe. So prudish.

olderthanyouthink · 08/01/2017 22:30
Grin

I used minnie when I was little, growing up I think everyone around me knew what I meant. But I had a Dutch BF and he had no idea what it meant (we were comparing childish words).

My parents still use Dinkle for my brother... he's 17 (and has SN so is mentally much younger) but I can't bring myself to call it a Dinkle to tell him off he is fiddling with it in front of people so I call it a Penis and he knows exactly what I mean.

Waffles80 · 08/01/2017 22:32

My two year olds could definitely understand "that's where your wee comes out, it's called a urethra". They'd try to say urethra, and get it a bit wrong, and we'd just keep saying the right word.

Like calling Grandad "gan-gan". They couldn't say "Grandad" at first, now they can.

Enough Vula warrioring Hmm for one night.
Incidentally, I can't help but think people use the warrior metaphor as a pejorative when they've run out of snippy points to make.

Anyway, I'm off to sleep. Said two year olds can cope with complex vocabulary but the concept of sleeping through the night is beyond them.

slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:36

Well, my 2 year old can't. Nor can she say grandad, or her brothers name.

MitzyLeFrouf · 08/01/2017 22:36

Waffles I was merely pointing out the glaring inconsistencies in your argument. And you've clearly taken umbrage at that. Your decision.

whattheactualflump · 08/01/2017 22:37

Front bottom makes me cringe. I'm a willy and fanny girl myself, which became 'vanny' when my youngest was small, which was fine but caused much hilarity when DH came home every night in his van or 'vanny' (which is what we still call it many years later!). Fine with foofs, minnies, and woos. Penelope made me laugh.

Have never referred to my 'vulva' in my life & am a strong independent sexually confident woman, just don't like the word. Luckily have not had to refer to it in a doctors surgery and in any other scenario would just call it a cunt Grin

sonlypuppyfat · 08/01/2017 22:38

Milly here, but awkward if you meet a milly!

Lolly86 · 08/01/2017 22:38

DD is 3 and calls it her bottom front or back

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 08/01/2017 22:38

I didn't meant to imply in any way that we shouldn't use proper words for male and female genitalia.

But my daughter is really young and needs something she can easily pronounce.

Besides, they are kids. It's of or them to use simplified or cute words for things, right? No adult would refer to their shit as "poo" or the pee as "wee wee". To me, it's on the same level.

I do think it's sad if grown women have never heard or uses the word vulva though. Or what a vaginally is. That is something we need to change, which is why my kids will know the real terms for their genitals as soon as they are old enough to pronounce them. They will still be allowed to say "Willie" and "foofoo/nookie..." for as long as they choose to.

OP posts:
slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:40

Nookie is a twee word for intercourse Wink

Cosmicglitterpug · 08/01/2017 22:45

Wee hole
Vagina (gina)
Bum hole

Sara107 · 08/01/2017 22:47

Wee bottom and poo bottom. Suppose I should be teaching her correct names at this stage....She has continence problems and knows lots of other proper terms like bladder and bowel, so we just need to extend that to the outside! I did have to take the cat to the vet with a sore ...realised I had no idea what you call a cats 'parts' so had to ask the vet. A vulva apparently.

zukiecat · 08/01/2017 22:48

Laluny

I hate the word "shit"

I think it sounds nasty and to swear it's a really bad swear word, I don't say "poo" either, I have never felt the need to discuss it with anyone other than a doctor and then I would use the correct words.

When my DC were growing up, we used the words "bits"

I don't like hearing young children saying "vagina" or "vulva" either

Whycantibetangy · 08/01/2017 22:49

My 2 (9 & 10) know its called a vulva, have grown up calling it a minnie, now it gets minstrel or va jay jay. It has been known to be a lady garden, nannie calls it her foof and girls at school call it a fanny.

Come to think of it, it seems to be quite a topic of conversation in our house 😂😳

joustermcgouster · 08/01/2017 22:50

Well I have this dilemma coming up. Growing up I never knew what to call it as there's so many words for it from different people. I still don't know how to refer to my own one really (and need to find out the proper difference between vagina and vulva) in different situations so I don't want that for my daughter. I usually say lady bits but don't want to pass on my lack of confidence in it to her. Vulva sounds strange to me as I couldn't confidently say which bit it it, but if it's the correct term id rather that than wrongly using vagina.

Oh, and I have breasts, not boobs or chebs or anything else.

voldemortsnose · 08/01/2017 22:50

Every time we get one of these threads I get the same rage with the 'correct termers' who can't even get that it's a vulva not a vagina. I was taught vagina. It was wrong and impractical. I do not wipe my vagina. A vagina is for pushing babies out of. Your urethra ends at your vulva and at 2, weeing and pooing are your main anatomical concerns with these bits of you. Gaaah!!! My brother had a willy. That worked so much better in RL. Wish all the cute people could agree on one thing like minnie, too. I don't like it, but it does seem to be the most common. DD's nursery recommended it to a Spanish friend in the same situation as OP. DH has just looked over my shoulder as I write this and could not be rolling his eyes more.