Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you refer to your DD's vulva?

295 replies

Lalunya85 · 08/01/2017 20:43

I'm not sure if this has been done a million times before but here's my dilemma:

We speak three languages at home (including English, but it's neither my DH nor my mother tongue). In all of those languages, there are plenty of nice/cute/child appropriate ways to refer to ours son's penis.

Now my DD (15 months) has begun to show an interest in her genitals. But she is pointing at them and then uses the word that we use for our son's penis. I want to offer her a nice name that is neither technical, nor has been sexualised or turned into an insult.

None if our languages offers a solution.

Any ideas??

OP posts:
angeldelightedme · 08/01/2017 22:07

The use of 'vulva' by a small child is cringey.It conjures up pictures of the family having very earnest discussions about genitalia.We don't call other parts of the body by their anatomical name - so why make is this any different?

OohhItsNotHoxton · 08/01/2017 22:07

Yes slithytove
Tootsies is toes.
I did once have a SIL who translated tootsies hurt as toothache. Each to our own innit Xmas Smile

MitzyLeFrouf · 08/01/2017 22:08

Waffles I'm confused as to why you're so against cutsie terms but are completely fine with the equally 'wrong' term of 'front bottom'. Not very consistent.

Waffles80 · 08/01/2017 22:08

Incidentally, I imagine many of you bass your "it's not important" views on your own experiences or those of your children.

I teach English and also do a lot of PSHE.

When this matters is when you're trying to teach sex Ed to 15-year-old girls who are crippled with embarrassment, have no common langauge, don't know there are three holes and are ashamed to have a vulva / vagina.

slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:09

Willy the woodland creature 😂

WaitrosePigeon · 08/01/2017 22:09

We use fanny.

BikeRunSki · 08/01/2017 22:09

Wilma, but she (and her 8 year old brother) know "vulva" too.

Waffles80 · 08/01/2017 22:09

I didn't say I was "completely fine", actually, Mitzi. I said it was more acceptable.

I wouldn't use it because the right words are vulva / vagina.

slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:10

You can call it a more colloquial name and still avoid all that waffles.

I know all the bits of my genitals and use the terms where appropriate
Not embarrassed
Still call it a foof or fanny

1horatio · 08/01/2017 22:10

I mean, if penis become peeped organically then that's it. I just wouldn't actively teach it,

But front bottom? You obviously can't call it dick and fanny. But seriously, from bottom? That's just nearly as bad in my personal opinion.

kelj2 · 08/01/2017 22:11

We call it wee wee. We too will teach the proper terminology when she's older

1horatio · 08/01/2017 22:11

*front bottom. Not from bottom.

MitzyLeFrouf · 08/01/2017 22:11

But why is it more acceptable?

MotherofA · 08/01/2017 22:11

Well said waffles sadly it is old shame being passed down generations . I felt strange when I was first teaching my daughter "vagina" etc but knew it was the right way and it forced me to overcome the embarrassment I had grown up with .

MitzyLeFrouf · 08/01/2017 22:13

If front bottom is acceptable maybe we should start calling our nose our 'upper mouth'. It's about as logical.

Waffles80 · 08/01/2017 22:13

Because it isn't twee as fuck.

dollydaydream114 · 08/01/2017 22:15

The whole 'embarrassment at the proper words thing' is really because, as a society, we find female genitals embarrassing. Why?

But it's not even remotely specific to female genitals. It's anything related to 'private' bodily functions.

Lots of people don't use (in normal conversation with people they're familiar with) the proper words for penises, testicles, anuses, buttocks, faeces, defecation, urination or flatulence either. Lots of people don't use the words 'intercourse', 'fellatio' or 'cunnilingus' in the bedroom.

It's not remotely related to gender. People who call their daughter's vulva a minnie or a fanny rarely use the medical terms for their son's genitals either.

You've already said you think some colloquialisms are OK, so it's weird to place arbitrary value judgements on others just because they're not the ones you happen to be used to using.

In fact, this even applies beyond body parts and functions - in language generally, people often use formal terms in some situations and informal ones in others - for example, in the office I'd say 'Anyone want a cuppa?' but in a cafe I'd say 'I'd like a pot of tea.' Using the term 'minnie' at home and 'vulva' at the doctor's is the same linguistic principle.

MitzyLeFrouf · 08/01/2017 22:15

Okay, twee is very bad indeed, incorrect is acceptable. Makes sense...

Waffles80 · 08/01/2017 22:17

Right, so, front bottom is at least more practical. The labia look like more like a bottom, and the labia are at the front.

So while it is a metaphor, it's not one which has the twee / secretive / cute connotations of Minnie / minkie / twinkle / twinkie / foof.

Waffles80 · 08/01/2017 22:17

^ but I'm not saying it's ok to use it, because vagina / vulva are the proper terms.

crje · 08/01/2017 22:18

We use bummy

Her poo comes from her bum

slithytove · 08/01/2017 22:18

Maybe we should be calling our bottoms 'back Labia' instead

This is bonkers

dollydaydream114 · 08/01/2017 22:19

don't know there are three holes

If they've got to 15 without ever covering this in biology at school, the problem is not the fact that their mum called it a foof instead of a vulva.

dollydaydream114 · 08/01/2017 22:20

the labia look like more like a bottom

Speak for yourself...

Waffles80 · 08/01/2017 22:21

So much constructive debate...Hmm