To not go to their wedding?

[glitterglitters]

Long story short.... friends are getting married this year. We've recently found out we're expecting a new (surprise) baby who will be a couple of months old at the time. It's a child free wedding and no babes in arms.

Our eldest dc was ebf and would never take a bottle. She also went through a huge sleep regression and separation anxiety at this age, and whilst I know every baby is different based on our past experience we doubt it'll be feasible to leave the new baby at this point.

The groom has kicked off and saying that we are being unreasonable and that my husband should at least go and leave me alone with the baby and toddler. Husband has said no, we come as a package and it's too far anyway to leave straightaway after.

The stag is also booked for my due date. Please tell me that we are totally within our rights! We're not asking for special treatment and respect their wishes

You say that your first baby wouldn't take a bottle and that's why you can't leave the second as you anticipate it will be a similar outcome. I wonder who you would have left them with if you did leave them? If it's a grandparent, could they not come and stay with you for the weekend to help with the kids and let dh go? I also think 'we come as a package' is a bit odd. You wouldn't take children on a night out or similar. And people are entitled to child free weddings

Groom is no Chris Froome.

I wouldn't even send a gift, as he is a flake on your special days. A card will suffice.

DoJo - but the father will regularly leave his baby for a similar amount of time to go to work. According to the OP he works long hours. Most parents are not both on maternity or paternity leave at 8 weeks.

Even more reason why he would want to spend his free time with his baby! Plus, my point was that the bride and groom have chosen a child-free wedding knowing that it would mean those with babies and small children couldn't come. The OP's husband isn't the only one prioritising other things over his attendance at the wedding.

The groom's a twat.

YANBU.

Yanbu, and your H was not U to decline on grounds that his priority at that time will be parenting and supporting you, but your H was being U to use the dreadful phrase "we come as a package".

I think YABU to be honest as I would just send DH on his own. Surely you can manage for one day/night? Although now that the groom has 'kicked off' then I guess I wouldn't be inclined to do that anymore, but I can see why they are confused/hurt given that there's absolutely no reason DH can't go. I don't understand couples who can't bear to be apart from each other for even a night . But obviously YANBU about yourself not going.

I think yOur DH is being a bit mean not going on his own to the wedding; he's with you all the time (apart from when he's at work -totally normal) so why not help a friend celebrate a once in a lifetime (hopefully) special day.

What are the events of yours that your friend has flaked out on? Why does friend consider DH 'family'?
Is your DH taking any parental leave?

I think based on the groom's behaviour alone, neither myself or my partner would be going. He is acting like a child. He has a right to invite you and you have the right to decline. You have a good reason, you will have a young baby, which is no doubt going to be more important to you than his wedding or stag night. Tell him again politely that you won't be attending.

For all those saying that I should let dh go alone I have actively told him to do so and he's said no. He wants to give me a break as much as possible and even though he works (as do I albeit from home with my own business) he considers looking after the kids equal responsibility. I've not stopped him from going etc.

Groom has missed out our daughters first birthday (and then invited all our guests over to his house to watch football whilst at said birthday party) every single birthday celebrations for 7 years, husbands stag do, husband's brothers wedding (similar relationship/friendship there), and also nearly didn't come to our wedding because his gf at the time decided she didn't like any of his friends. So it's not a stretch to say husband is apprehensive to go out of his way for him when the logistics are against us.

No grandparents/family members can come help as they are either dead, infirm, at the wedding or wouldn't be comfortable with a newborn. X