To not go to their wedding?

[glitterglitters]

Long story short.... friends are getting married this year. We've recently found out we're expecting a new (surprise) baby who will be a couple of months old at the time. It's a child free wedding and no babes in arms.

Our eldest dc was ebf and would never take a bottle. She also went through a huge sleep regression and separation anxiety at this age, and whilst I know every baby is different based on our past experience we doubt it'll be feasible to leave the new baby at this point.

The groom has kicked off and saying that we are being unreasonable and that my husband should at least go and leave me alone with the baby and toddler. Husband has said no, we come as a package and it's too far anyway to leave straightaway after.

The stag is also booked for my due date. Please tell me that we are totally within our rights! We're not asking for special treatment and respect their wishes

I don't think that Op's husband is getting a slating.

It does sound as if these are people that he's not bothered about though & perhaps the groom has only just realised!

We go to about 1 wedding in every 5 we are invited to. We just say no. same with stag and hen dos (we never go to those unlss they are quiet affairs). We are just boring and don't like it all.Waste of money as well.

YANBU. If you're husband doesn't want to go, tough for them.

YANBU, I would certainly not go to a cf wedding in these circumstances. In fact, I don't think I'd go to a cf wedding now as I'd rather use my mum's freebie babysitting on more fun things than that. My mum and dad never attended cf weddings on principle lol.

I think for me it would depend on how good friends they are and what the distances involved are.

Everyone is different but if they're close to you and local then it seems a bit precious that DH won't go on his own.

If they're not really good friends and it's some distance then fair enough.

W

Mrshathaway "Personally I'd send DH to the wedding on his own - but I had a sneeze birth with my DC2 and was waving DH on overseas work trips by "a couple of months old"

Sorry to derail but is a "sneeze birth" one where you blow your nose and the baby comes out?

In fact, I don't think I'd go to a cf wedding now as I'd rather use my mum's freebie babysitting on more fun things than that.

This is fine and your choice, but I (and I suspect most people) would stop counting as a friend if that was the reasoning for your decision!

Well I was in your exact situation when my DD2 was 2 months old. My husband didn't go to the stag do (coincided with birth), but went to the wedding alone - in France. He was gone for 3 days.
I was fine about this, but I did have an easy birth and an easy second baby. AND, the groom was one of my DH's best friends from school.

Is your DH particularly good fiends with the groom? How far away is the wedding? These two questions would determine for me if your DH should go - even if just for a couple of hours.

Your response 'we come as a package' would have annoyed me. In your position, I would have accepted the invitation for DH, with the condition that he might have to pull out last minute if there are any major problems. Nobody could reasonably argue with that approach. It says you are willing, rather than your response which was to anticipate problems before they have materialised.

But perhaps I'm being harsh on you - I don't know the full picture...

Yanbu. They are perfectly within their rights to have whatever kind of wedding they want - with or without children. However that means that some guests who might have previously come would then not attend.

Anyone who thinks a man should attend a stag do on their partners due date is a twat.

Their reply should have been , 'oh that's a shame but totally understandable- good luck with the baby and let's catch up after?'

The issue here isn't the couple setting their own guest list but the groom's unwillingness to accept that may mean some people can't make it.

This.

It is perfectly OK to have a childfree wedding. It is perfectly fine to decide not to go to a wedding (for any reason really). What is not OK is for a host to demand someone attend their event and get stroppy if a guest can't or won't accept an invitation.

I don't see that it is up to the OP to 'send' her DH anywhere. If he would prefer to stay at home to help her with the children then why shouldn't he? Based on the groom's behavior I can quite see why her DH may not feel particularly interested in going to his wedding. He sounds like a pain.

The groom's being v unreasonable; is he a brother or something?

I am going to presume that the Groom doesn't have any kids. We had a child free wedding and this meant that some of my family didn't come and some friends left early, but that was okay because we didn't have children running round during the speeches and other parents could enjoy a kid free event.

It is totally okay that they said this and totally okay you aren't going. Your husband sounds great.

The groom is being a knob.

The groom is a friend but considers them family (complicated scenario).

Groom has a tendency to not turn up and flake out for important moments in our life and tends to get in touch when he wants something. Think husband has always tolerated it to a degree, being very old friend but but this behaviour has made dh put his foot down this time.

Dh's argument is with a wedding, when cost and space is always a premium why is it fair to take a spot when there's a high chance we won't be able to make it. He has said to the groom he'd rather he was able to invite someone who can definitely make it than us who may flake out at the last minute.

Also groom is getting annoyed as other friends and family are getting married next year. One is not child free and one is but our children are the exception to the rule (this is my direct family). Groom thinks that we shouldn't be attending these if we aren't attending his. We haven't even said we're going to one of them yet!

And yes, dh is awesome. He always puts up first and he's been brilliant at dealing with this (it's only getting to me because I've been getting calls from other people about it )

Groom is entitled anc slightly bonkers yanbu at all!

Groomzilla!

Groom needs to get over himself.

So groom is being a twat then. Shame. Catch more flies with honey and all that.

Sorry to derail but is a "sneeze birth" one where you blow your nose and the baby comes out?

That's the one! Under an hour start to finish and lucky not to have him in a layby en route to hospital. Two pushes for the head and one for the body. Made up for DC1 who took three and a half days ...

Firstly it is not the groom's business what other occasions you are attending. Not. His. Business.

Secondly, he doesn't get to demand who comes to his wedding. There will be other people who will decline for all sorts of reasons. He'll have to get over it.

YANBU

I'm guessing the bride and groom don't have children?

It doesn't work for you because you cannot take your babe in arms with you. The other weddings work for you because you can.

Such a shame kid free weddings. My cousin got married in France last summer and they were 40 children present from week old babies to 10 year old. Nothing was spoilt by all the children. She organised some local babysitters to entertain the older children, had packed children's lunches made and a bouncy castle. In the evening there were A large number of prams with sleeping babies dotted around the marquee as parents enjoyed the wedding. During the church service most children were in the church but a few that were noisy were taken out discreetly by their parents and nothing was ruined.

Fine to decline any invite, saying you come as a package is a little OTT though and likely to get people's backs up.

No reason your DH can't go alone, he's an adult.

"Groom thinks that we shouldn't be attending these if we aren't attending his."

Oh my, now that really is funny.

Odd enough to think it-let alone voice it!