To not go to their wedding?

[glitterglitters]

Long story short.... friends are getting married this year. We've recently found out we're expecting a new (surprise) baby who will be a couple of months old at the time. It's a child free wedding and no babes in arms.

Our eldest dc was ebf and would never take a bottle. She also went through a huge sleep regression and separation anxiety at this age, and whilst I know every baby is different based on our past experience we doubt it'll be feasible to leave the new baby at this point.

The groom has kicked off and saying that we are being unreasonable and that my husband should at least go and leave me alone with the baby and toddler. Husband has said no, we come as a package and it's too far anyway to leave straightaway after.

The stag is also booked for my due date. Please tell me that we are totally within our rights! We're not asking for special treatment and respect their wishes

Thanks for all the replies. Just for those asking I did tell dh to go without me but he's said no. He works long hours and away a lot so if he has free time he said he wants to be with us, he also said he remembers when dd was this age and wouldn't want to leave me to "go off on a jolly".

He won't be going to the stag he said and I'm kind of relieved.

Baby will be no more than 8 weeks old and possible as young as 4.

Maybe he wants to spend his weekend (assuming he works) with his family and his young baby?

I'd agree with that except they seemed perfectly happy to go leaving their older child.

*Of course you are totally within your rights to say no - you don't even have to give a reason.

However - "we come as a package" is a bit wanky tbh.*

100% agreed on all fronts.

Is there anyone who could help you wrangle the children so that DH can go? That's assuming he wants to, which he may not! Are they his friends or yours?

I do think if there is a no babes in arms rule, then the happy couple need to understand that the parents of those babies are not likely to attend. Sounds like they are being pretty intransigent, would put me off therm tbh, inflexibility is not an attractive trait.

'waah! You aren't coming to my wedding! waah!'

unbelievable.

BTW OP has at least one other child. Stag do on due date not feasible (as realised) because childcare needed while OP in labour.

Just seen your update, DH sounds great!

There's no way I'd even attempt to go myself but I'd send my husband to the wedding (and have done, when babynumber three was two weeks old) but I'd be less inclined as the groom sounds like a bit of an arsehole

Also dh didn't want to go prior to finding out about new baby but it was more feasible.

The "come as a package" thing was said to me not to anybody else. Agree it sounds wanky.

I think that the "come as a package" was a bit unnecessary-it's not as if Op was excluded & you can't always expect kids to be invited.

If he'd prefer to stay with Op, toddler & new baby, just say so!

But in general, go, don't go -B&G should accept the decision that their guests make-they'll still be married at the end of the day!

Wow the groom sounds horrible
I am about as far from child friendly as it gets but he cannot complain that a dad with a new baby might not want to go to a wedding a way away
It's not like popping out to the pub for a drink with a mate, it's a journey etc and I guess so is the stag?

Out of interest what would you have done if you weren't expecting?

"We come as a package" is totally rude. It's fine to say 'Sorry it won't be feasible with a new baby', but what you've actually said is that you have the arse on that your whole family isn't invited. Which is rude really.

come as a package

FFS why do people come on a thread and look for things to complain about. The OP was summerising - I knew that before she had to come on and explain.

Hang on. If a dh said, yeah, be fine, I'm coming alone-he'd get slated. He supports his dw and gets slated. Personally I think, good for him. (Because it sounds like the royal couple are being knobs. It's the expectation that he'll go alone that would wind me up.

YANBU

If couples exclude babies and children from their weddings, they have to accept that some parents won't come, or that half the couple will come but shoot off home asap to get back to the family.

Yanbu

While you may feel ok letting DH go when it comes to it, it would be unfair to assume this will be the case and then end up not going and letting down the bride and groom

You will have a very young baby and a toddler, your DH will presumably be at work, it's reasonable to want to be together as a family and have his support.

And your dhs a good egg.

YANBU the groom sounds awful and I could not be friends with someone prepared to be such a dick.

Following your updates, YANB at all U but it feels a bit as though DH is using the newborn timing as an excuse to skip something he's not arsed about. Is it possible that's the vibe the groom is getting? That would explain the overreaction.

I love weddings. All these weddings people don't want to go to. I'll hire myself out as a proxy and be very enthusiastic on every occasion.
Seriously there is no point to these threads.
OP: AIBU to not attend this wedding
Everyone: Of course not. They have a cheek even asking you to go
The end.

I can understand why someone might be offended by their parents or siblings not going to their wedding ... but not a friend. How, exactly, is the non-presence of one pair of friends going to wreck the big day? Most couples barely get to speak to most of their wedding guests for more than a few minutes on the day.

YANBU by saying you don't want to go, and the happy couple shouldn't be getting precious about it. Yes, your DH could go without you if he wanted to, but it's absolutely fine if he'd rather not - he, after all, is also going to be having sleepless nights with a new baby and if he's also working during the week he might just feel he'd prefer to spend the weekend with his exhausted wife and his new baby. Basically, unless your DH is the best man, I don't see why he's causing offence by saying he's sorry but he can't go.

My dd is having a child free wedding but all babes in arms are allowed. I think there will be 4! which I'm very excited about

I do think this couple are being ridiculous not allowing babies. You'll just have to not go.

Thanks guys. Yes this is very summarised and not "verbatim" when it comes to the wording. I was genuinely upset we couldn't go but would never try and make them accommodate us.

Without the new baby we would have got dh's dad to watch dd but he wouldn't be comfortable watching a newborn and we wouldn't have anybody who would (my mum is deceased, his mum has health issues, family live far away etc)

I would probably send hubby on his own if it were me but you're in no way being unreasonable if that's not what you want to do. If they chose a child free wedding, which they're not being unreasonable. They are being unreasonable however to not expect some guests to pull out because of it

bakeoffbiscuits

No, they're not being ridiculous. What your DD is doing is irrelevant to what this couple have decided.

The issue here isn't the couple setting their own guest list but the groom's unwillingness to accept that may mean some people can't make it.