To not go to their wedding?

[glitterglitters]

Long story short.... friends are getting married this year. We've recently found out we're expecting a new (surprise) baby who will be a couple of months old at the time. It's a child free wedding and no babes in arms.

Our eldest dc was ebf and would never take a bottle. She also went through a huge sleep regression and separation anxiety at this age, and whilst I know every baby is different based on our past experience we doubt it'll be feasible to leave the new baby at this point.

The groom has kicked off and saying that we are being unreasonable and that my husband should at least go and leave me alone with the baby and toddler. Husband has said no, we come as a package and it's too far anyway to leave straightaway after.

The stag is also booked for my due date. Please tell me that we are totally within our rights! We're not asking for special treatment and respect their wishes

Groom thinks that we shouldn't be attending these if we aren't attending his.
The groom needs to get over himself!

Such a shame kid free weddings. My cousin got married in France last summer and they were 40 children present from week old babies to 10 year old.

Maybe that's your idea of a good wedding, and that's fine. For a lot of people (including me) that sounds like a dreadful wedding. Can we all just agree that people differ on this, and concur that this particular groom is being unreasonable without turning the thread into a general child-free wedding hatefest?

Yanbu.

If they have said no children, then they need to accept that some people won't come.

I would decline maybe just leave out the bit about being a package.

It should be no concern of the groom what other events you are or are not attending. Take no notice and go to what suits you and decline what doesn't.

Such a shame kid free weddings.

Errrrr not a shame at all. Their wedding, their choice.

I could say 'such a shame people get married abroad, because some won't be able to afford to go or get time off'. I wouldn't though because it's not my wedding!

The groom is increasingly sounding extremely self entitled! Not his business whether or not you choose to attend weddings to which your children are invited. If they were invited to his, you would presumably be attending!

Leeds2 we would. No question about it. It's just logistically we can't make it work for us. Not that we didn't want to go

Weddings are often about a mishmash of various people who have high degrees of entitlement. Sometimes its the couple and sometimes its the guests. This time its entirely the couple.

You have no idea about what your life will be like when the new baby arrives so it is best to not plan ahead. You have been nothing but civilised and I would tell everyone who thinks you should be going to fuck off. I would also try as much as possible to attend the other ones if you can, just to spite the fecker. And its good that your husband is concerned more with your health and wellbeing than being away.

(p.s. dont get the grief the OP is getting about the package thing)

It would be him expecting DH to go without you that would annoy me. Screw your newborn baby and wife who need you, come and spend an entire day at my boring arse wedding. Me, me, me. Weddings really show some people's true colours.

He sounds like an arse! We had a kids free wedding apart from my niece who was picked up at nine and three newborns. It wasn't a massive venue, so we had to be tight on numbers. We had people refuse to come because of this and we completely understood. The only one that annoyed me was one that said that weddings are about kids and it wouldn't be a wedding without everyone's kids in attendance... She was a casual friend invited to the evening do

If a couple makes the decision to have a no kids wedding then they should accept that some people will have to decline to invitation and not get arsey about it.

So, no, YANBU.

He sounds like an arse. If you ban newborns from your wedding, there are going to be people that can't /won't attend.

YANBU!!! I'm due on my sister in laws wedding day. You can't be expected to stay home with a newborn baby and toddler if you're not comfortable or just don't want to, and hopefully your husband won't be going on the stag either!

BeingATwatItsABingThing @BeingATwatItsABingThing

I have no idea! He's isn't as far as I know through my friend! I'm so glad I was a relaxed bride to be!

annlee that attitude annoys me too, wedding are about kids - no they arent, theyre about the two people getting married

Groomzilla!
YANBU! Perfectly acceptable to decline an invitation.
If asked again, just get him to repeat "I don't want to go without glitter".
It would be different if it was a local wedding as he could pop out for part of the evening reception (or not).

Groom sounds hilariously entitled, awful for you but brilliant for writing a thread about! keep updating, makes s change from bridezilla.

The groom is being a dick!

YANBU your husband sounds lovely. Congratulations on your little surprise.

yanbu. If they think your DH leaving you alone on your due date is ok then I forsee problems for them in their marriage.

Thanks for all the lovely comments. Yes Groom is turning into a bit of a Groomzilla, DH and I have often previously joked that he is more bitchy than a teenage girl. He's been texting me last trying to get me to convince DH to go to the wedding. I have been ignoring.

His initial response to us telling him we wouldn't be able to make it was to drive to a mutual friend's house to moan about it! Kind of childish

And when at said friends house they tagged themselves AT the house with the status of "having a moan".

I don't really see why your husband doesn't go alone tbh (i'm assuming the groom is more 'his friend' for him to be so upset about his absence?)

We have a similar situation - i'm due in May and we've been invited to a wedding in June...friends of both of ours but known through dh iyswim.

I obviously can't go because i'll (hopefully) be bf but there's no reason for dh not to as they're good friends. If he doesn't want to spend a day going to their wedding, i'd say that's pretty indicative of how highly he values the friendship. Whilst the groom does sound like a dick in other ways, I can see why he's upset.

And when at said friends house they tagged themselves AT the house with the status of "having a moan".

I've heard it all now. What a twat.

I'm with them all the way on no babes in arms but you've politely declined - what more do they expect when you blatantly can't go?

It does sound as though your DH isn't particularly bothered about going, if he was not very keen even before he knew about the baby. I would probably try to cut the groom some slack if you can - he may just be disappointed that your DH is choosing a day with his family over coming to his wedding. I understand why your DH wants to do that with a new baby, but I think that for a close friend many people would make the effort to attend at least for a couple of hours (even if that involves, for example, taking a day of holiday so that your DH still gets two days in a row with his family).

I also wonder if the groom mistakenly thinks that you are the one who doesn't want your husband to attend? It may be easier for him to blame you than to realise that the friendship isn't as close as he thought. For your own sake, you may want to make sure that your DH is clear that it is his decision and not at your request.

However, I don't see how you could be considered unreasonable at all in any of this!

I would probably try to cut the groom some slack if you can - he may just be disappointed that your DH is choosing a day with his family over coming to his wedding.

But similarly, the couple are choosing a child-free wedding over the attendance of their friends. I don't think many people would expect a mother to leave her baby for a day at 8 weeks (even if she wasn't breasfeeding), so why should a father be expected to do so?

DoJo - but the father will regularly leave his baby for a similar amount of time to go to work. According to the OP he works long hours. Most parents are not both on maternity or paternity leave at 8 weeks. Ultimately I think it is the father's choice and he is not doing anything wrong, but I do understand why a close friend would still be slightly disappointed that he isn't attending the wedding in those circumstances.

I don't think many people would expect a mother to leave her baby for a day at 8 weeks (even if she wasn't breasfeeding), so why should a father be expected to do so?

The baby needs a parent. They don't need both of them there. It's an unusual view that both parents always should be around the baby. It's one day and for a good friend it's totally reasonable for one of them to go with the wedding and the other to stay home and do the childcare.

Saying that, the groom isn't behaving like a good friend, which would make me not want to go to the wedding alone.