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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ignore this woman? Child's birthday party related

41 replies

RockingChairRockingChair · 08/01/2017 11:53

It's my DD's 6th birthday party next Saturday. Invites went out end of Nov. Just before Christmas holidays, 20 people had confirmed they were coming. Over the holidays I sorted out all the party bags. Four more children (their parents rather) had not confirmed whether or not they were coming. So on Monday I texted the parents to tell them I will be confirming final numbers on Tuesday and making payment and could they let me know asap if their children are coming. Two confirmed immediately. One didn't. I confirmed and paid on Tuesday assuming the non-responder's 2 children were not coming. On Friday she texts me saying please can I add her 2 boys. WIBU to ignore her? I don't think the venue would have a problem adding two more children but I can't be bothered to do this as I think she has been a bit rude not responding to the initial invite and subsequent reminder. I might end up doing it though because her boys are lovely, sweet children who are good friends with DD.

What do you all think? Should I do it for the sake of the boys?

OP posts:
ConvincingLiar · 08/01/2017 11:55

I certainly wouldn't ignore her. Ywnbu to reply and say you're sorry but it's too late.

Oldraver · 08/01/2017 11:57

End of November was way too early. I would add them

NataliaOsipova · 08/01/2017 11:57

Don't ignore. If you want to make a point either say "Sorry, too late" or "Gosh - as I didn't hear from you. I assumed you weren't coming. I'll have to check with the venue if it's doable" and then go back and say you've been able to add them. It's a bit passive aggressive, but sort of makes the point that she's put you out a bit.

Ilovecaindingle · 08/01/2017 11:58

Unless you want playground daggers to deal with and possibly your dd snubbed from their party - and any other parents she bitches about you to - I would suck it up and add the boys!!

SheldonCRules · 08/01/2017 11:59

End of November was way too early to send out invites, most go out about two weeks before, Ignoring her is petty and unless you put an RSVP cut off date she's done nothing wrong in replying now.

pasturesgreen · 08/01/2017 11:59

Her boys are lovely, sweet children who are good friends with DD

^ I think you have your answer right there. I understand the mild annoyance, but seems mean to leave them out if the venue is fine with it.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 08/01/2017 11:59

Definitely don't ignore her! That's rude.

Send Natalia's message.

dustarr73 · 08/01/2017 12:01

I wouldn't ignore her in case she turns up to the party,.Just text her its too late.And any looks or bitchy comments just ignore.Its her own fault,she left it too late.

edwinbear · 08/01/2017 12:05

I'd also reply saying oh gosh, I'm not sure, I've confirmed and paid assuming you weren't coming so I will need to ask the venue if they can accommodate, then make her sweat it out for a few days.

StandardNameHere · 08/01/2017 12:06

I would be miffed but wouldn't take it out on the 2 boys and leave them out.. Maybe reply with a 'I will need to contact the venue to add them to the list' just so the mum is aware that you had already booked, but that's about it - she may be forgetful or might have a lot going on

Emmageddon · 08/01/2017 12:07

Oh, add them, you don't know what's going on in her life, I doubt she forgot to let you know in time without good reason. You could text back with NataliaOsipova's text, but if there isn't a problem with the venue and her boys are sweet, just let them come along. Life's too short to hold a grudge for a late RSVP especially for a child's party.

Robinkitty · 08/01/2017 12:10

I would just add the two boys, unless you are happy to upset them ( which it will) to spite their mother for inconveniencing you slightly.

Original poster
RockingChairRockingChair · 08/01/2017 12:11

I don't think end of Nov was too early as our school closed second week of Dec. We are all on a Whatsapp group so before Christmas I did mention the party on there. Plus I reminded her on Monday and she chose to ignore my message until Friday. I take on board what you say. I will ring the venue tomorrow to see if I can add the boys. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Lunar1 · 08/01/2017 12:11

Just add them in and let her know. She could have anything going on right now. If it's possible to be kind, then that's the way to go.

lunchboxtroubles · 08/01/2017 12:12

November perfectly reasonable. All invites at out school go out 6-8w in advance. Weekends are ao busy that no one would ever get to parties otherwise!

Floggingmolly · 08/01/2017 12:13

Why would you ignore her? Either let the boys come or tell her she's too late; but ignoring her as a punishment for her ignoring your invitation is a bit ironic, don't you think?

Jinglebells99 · 08/01/2017 12:14

I would add them to party. She's given you over a week's notice. They are nice children. You can still add them. Not really sure why you wouldn't?! I had one child tell my dd he wasn't coming and then turn up. His mother said her plans had changed 🙄 But she didn't bother to contact me and let me know . I thought that was rude.

Ameliablue · 08/01/2017 12:14

It isn't the boys fault and if they are good friends then add them as it will be your child friendship that might suffer otherwise.

mambono5 · 08/01/2017 12:15

Natalia's answer definitively.

I don't think end of Nov is too early either, I would rather receive an invitation then, book the day than being told with barely a week notice when the kids go back to school. By that time, we already have other plans and it's a pain to reschedule what can be, or tell the kids they have to miss the party because we are going to lunch to their great-aunt and it's not THAT fun for them

WanderingTrolley1 · 08/01/2017 12:16

Add them.

BIgBagofJelly · 08/01/2017 12:19

I would probably say something like "oh I'll have to check with the venue" (just to passive aggressively let them know they were being a hassle) but then add then anyway. Yes they were rude to reply late but it's always better to take the high ground.

originalmavis · 08/01/2017 12:20

If you have confirmation for 22 kids and paid for 22 kids, my money is on 17-18 of these actually attending. Will you get any leeway from the facility on numbers?

golfbuggy · 08/01/2017 12:30

don't ignore here.
Either text her to tell her it's too late or that the DC can still come. Up to you which.

If you ignore her she'll have no idea whether they are still invited or not, and having them turn up unexpectedly is the worst possible outcome!

VladmirsPoutine · 08/01/2017 12:32

You seem a reasonable person OP Smile

melj1213 · 08/01/2017 12:35

I reminded her on Monday and she chose to ignore my message until Friday.

It's not always them ignoring you if they're anything like me - perhaps they read the message on Monday but couldn't reply straight away for some reason (or wanted to double check their schedule first) so put "reply to text" on a mental to-do list for later in the day ... fast forward to the Friday when they check their messages and horror of horror they realise that they totally forgot to reply to your message so replied asap but also kind of acknowledge it's late so are willing to accept they might be shit out of luck.

But I also don't think realitatiory rudeness really helps anything anyway - she was rude to message you late and ask if you could accommodate her forgetfulness/dis-organization but it would be just as rude to ignore her message and leave her hanging and not know whether her sons would be left out of an activity because she texted back late. At least if you told her "so sorry, too late" she could organize to do something else.

I would probably go down the route of messaging her asap to say "So sorry, since I didn't hear from you I paid the party deposit on the assumption that your boys couldn't attend so there isn't a place reserved for them, but I'll call the venue and see if there's a way to add them to the party reservation now and get back to you when I have confirmed with them." It would be one thing if it was a huge drama to add to a reservation or it was a specialised activity where they had to have a specific staff:child ratio or something but calling the venue and saying "Hi, DD's party next Saturday was originally booked for 25, is it possible to make it 27 and pay the extra on the day? Thanks" is hardly a huge effort.