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AIBU?

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Original poster

**Trigger Warning** Why has she stood by him?

105 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 07/01/2017 22:10

www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/dad-who-fancies-little-girls-9581445

AIBU too find this lady utterly crazy, and words fail me on how to describe him.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/01/2017 14:47

WTF passed him as a foster carer.

StealthPolarBear · 08/01/2017 14:49

Chilling article. Teacher, foster parent, parent. He's surrounded himself by children.

ageingrunner · 08/01/2017 14:53

I don't get how it must be a hard life for people who want to abuse children but don't act on it?

RedHelenB · 08/01/2017 14:56

Stealth - I'm not sure of the statistics but it is often the case.My Dad worked within prisons with sex offenders.

RedHelenB · 08/01/2017 14:58

ageing runner - I think that's the problem "normal" people don't get it because there is no way of putting yourself in their shoes, it's so abhorrent.

StealthPolarBear · 08/01/2017 15:01

I can accept that the majority of abusers were themselves abused.
I don't accept tbe opposite.

Olympiathequeen · 08/01/2017 15:02

I do have sympathy for paedophiles who never act on their feelings and avoid paedophile websites. They can't help their feelings anymore than a gay man can switch off his homosexuality. Really good tv program a while back exploring this btw.

The man in the article I don't think falls into this category and I could never stand by him. Watching him and my children 24/7. Is that a life for anyone involved.

klassy · 08/01/2017 15:03

Aging, you don't get how full of self-hatred and terror someone could be, stuck in a body with horrible desires which they can't alter any more than you or I could alter ours? Especially when some of these are due to childhood abuse issues? Confused

I hope I express this correctly and don't offend too many people, but as someone who was abused as a child myself and ended up in police investigations etc, I still have some sympathy for people with this inclination. It's a horrible one and absolutely not one I'd like to have, so I wish there was a way to fix it for their sake too.

(More sympathy in general though for their victims and I agree that this guy and his wife sound creepy and deluded. I hope his victims and kids are being taken care of during these publicity stunts.)

dustarr73 · 08/01/2017 15:06

It's coming across to me as he's trying to get his story out first.Plus I bet you ask his daughter and there will be questionable behaviours towards her.

He's trying to villify the foster daughter and in this case there is definitely no smoke without fire.

HeCantBeSerious · 08/01/2017 15:07

Stealth - I'm not sure of the statistics but it is often the case.

I think your statement was clumsy. Most abusers have been abused themselves, but not all (or even most of) abuse victims become abusers themselves.

StealthPolarBear · 08/01/2017 15:07

Not to mention the awful thought of a website full of self confessed paedophiles 'supporting' each other

BBCNewsRave · 08/01/2017 15:10

He was living as a virtual hermit, refusing to leave the house or go on the Internet etc etc because he didn't want to have these feelings and he 100% did not want to offend

Why is it so hard though? I mean, I'm attracted to men, and I manage not to jump on them or look up porn online. It's not even "manage", I just don't do it. I'm also not overwhelmingly attracted to every single man.

I wonder if the way society treats men's desires as something they have a right to act on is part of it?
Or is it because they desires themselves disgust him so much he doesn't want to risk feeling them?
So much we don't know.

Re. women sticking by dreadful men - happens all the time. Women in genuine need just get dumped though.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 08/01/2017 15:11

hollin was it the programme about trying to "normalise" sex offenders in prison so they was ready for the outside world? Because there was a young lad on that, he was sent down because he viewed indecent images. He had urges but claimed he had never acted upon them. And he was sobbing say he didn't want too leave because he didn't trust himself and he didn't want to ruin an innocent childs life, because he didn't know how to get rid of his urges. He actually did something inside so his sentence would be longer.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 08/01/2017 15:12

In fairness, I am heterosexual. If I was attracted to a man that was forbidden in some way, fil for example, then I think it'd play on my mind and it'd be a bigger deal than some guy at work.
Is that a fair analogy? Can't decide

ageingrunner · 08/01/2017 15:13

We all have desires/feelings/wishes etc that we don't act on because it'd be shut for society/other people. Why is it different or harder for paedophiles?

hollinhurst84 · 08/01/2017 15:13

BBCNews - because he hated himself for having those feelings

KungFu -might have been, it was a long time ago I saw it but it just stuck with me

Queenie04 · 08/01/2017 15:14

This society is so crazy right now. That I thing that a time is coming being a paedophile will no longer be illegal. People like this are getting shorter and shorter sentences when found guilty of child porn possession and sex acts against children. Increasingly they get suspended sentences. In addition to this when e.g. teachers are caught have relationships with their pupils they get a slap on the wrist Honestly we are living in sick times Sad

Queenie04 · 08/01/2017 15:14

I have no sympathy at all for adults who are attracted to children.

BBCNewsRave · 08/01/2017 15:15

ps. meant to add, I do feel for people with these desires who don't act on them, and think there needs to be a way to get them help. Therapy to deal with own experiences of abuse, if relevant, and is there some kind of libido-destroying medication? (it seems to be a side effect of a lot of medicines...)

hollinhurst84 · 08/01/2017 15:17

ageing - because that's their only attraction, they will never have a "normal" relationship. He couldn't risk seeing children because he didn't want to have the feelings he did. I guess like if I saw a good looking man and did a bit of a "oof he's fit" but for him that feeling was for pre pubescent children
I'm trying to think of an example but I can't

Aeroflotgirl · 08/01/2017 15:17

Wtf what an excuse he is using! If he us genuine, he would be as far away from children as possible, not pursue positions that allow him in contact with children. What's this false memories rubbish, how is he an expert to say such a thing, say the child is lying 😟

hollinhurst84 · 08/01/2017 15:19

BBCNews yep - and who would you go to? Not many would be happy to go the GP and say how they felt. Because they would likely have their house bricked/burnt down if anyone found out even if they had never offended in their life

ageingrunner · 08/01/2017 15:19

I might quite like to have sex with a 20 something good looking man, but being fat and in my 40s, it's unlikely that the feeling would be reciprocated. My sex drive is the same as anyone else's I imagine, can be very strong at times, but not by any means something that makes me lose control of my own actions. I don't find it difficult to not have sex with someone who doesn't want sex with me. Why is paedophilia different? Because they know that they can manipulate and overpower the child.

slithytove · 08/01/2017 15:19

I think it's hard because we can't control what arouses us, and if something arouses us which we and society find abhorrent, that must be hard to live with. Assuming there is literally no acting on that 'preference', I feel sorry for those people as the self-loathing must be enormous.

RedHelenB · 08/01/2017 15:19

Apologise for the clumsiness - yes most abusers have been abused themselves.