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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

**Trigger Warning** Why has she stood by him?

105 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 07/01/2017 22:10

www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/dad-who-fancies-little-girls-9581445

AIBU too find this lady utterly crazy, and words fail me on how to describe him.

OP posts:
Chartreuse45 · 07/01/2017 23:25

This man comes across as insincere. I do not believe for one moment that he is innocent in any definition of the word. Had children knowing he would be sexually attracted to them, was a teacher, a foster parent!? I have read (admittedly anonymous) accounts of teenagers who have discovered they have these feelings and they do everything to keep from offending. Up to now I felt this was a positive thing, admitting to themselves and their families, working with trained professionals and getting support from others. Now I wonder if in these groups people like this man help them to fly under the radar or encourage them to block their guilt should they actually act on their feelings "because they are made this way".

onlyslightlyinterested · 07/01/2017 23:26

I can't open the link for some reason, but clearly it's an emotional subject. Peadophila is repugnant, but by definition it is a mental disorder

NightTerrier · 07/01/2017 23:47

What I don't understand is why someone like him would announce all of this to the nation. Surely he's going to get 'PEDP' sprayed on his car now and won't be allowed to foster kids or work around them now.

Mind you, I'd rather know how these people are as people can then keep kids away from them.

NightTerrier · 07/01/2017 23:47

I meat he'll get "PEDO" spray painted on his car.

Graphista · 08/01/2017 00:06

He's in America this is in a British newspaper (she's British) highly unlikely to be noticed by other Americans.

Andro · 08/01/2017 00:22

Mental health condition my arse

It is recognised as a psychiatric disorder.

Graphista · 08/01/2017 00:25

"It is recognised as a psychiatric disorder."

Doesn't mean it should be

spooniestudent · 08/01/2017 00:26

I think that there should be more support for non offending pedophiles, but this guy clearly isnt 'never penetrated' and 'false memories' Angry.
To echo pps this thread really does need some kind of trigger warning op

DJBaggySmalls · 08/01/2017 00:29

Is it possible to develop false memories out of nowhere?

Graphista · 08/01/2017 00:30

The false memory theory is pretty much debunked. The few people hanging onto it have a vested interest in doing so (in my opinion)

Andro · 08/01/2017 00:45

Doesn't mean it should be

True; homosexuality was also considered to be a psychiatric disorder and was only (rightly) removed in 1973, mistakes are made. Whether listing paedophilia as a psychiatric disorder is correct or not is still debatable - but I don't see it changing any time soon.

lottieandmia · 08/01/2017 00:46

Utterly horrible. I agree with others. He doesn't sound virtuous to me.

zen1 · 08/01/2017 00:53

So, he's had these feelings all of his adult life, yet still went into teaching and fosteringHmm. He can he claim to be 'virtuous' after admitting to doing "some things I shouldn't have"? Makes me sick.

zen1 · 08/01/2017 00:54

*How not He

NightTerrier · 08/01/2017 00:54

Ah, I couldn't read the article as it would have made me feel queasy. If he's an American in a British newspaper that makes more sense. Still, it's the world wide web and I'm still shocked that he'd be happy to tell all and sundry about his proclivities. Even if it is in Britain.

timelytess · 08/01/2017 00:56

Just nasty.

Didactylos · 08/01/2017 01:04

The whole article strikes me as a manipulative and pre-emptive defence against accusation - he's admitting 'something' in a way that allows him to set and control the narrative. His comments - 'I never acted on it/then maybe I did things I shouldn't have/but never penetrated' are a complete reversal of his claims of non offending: he basically admits he 'did things he shouldn't have' and dives in to defend himself against one very specific accusation, that I doubt has been asked directly by the paper but it seems odd as a self proclaimed non offender he would want to dwell on this particular aspect in an interview.

Then there's the question of his choices over the years eg teaching, foster care that have brought him into close contact with children: and the fact his wife was unaware of his impulses at the time of having children and fostering with him. A late damascene conversion that he's now ready to be honest and reveal his true nature as a non offending paedophile, following a rape accusation dismissed as coincidental 'false memories' is amazingly convenient timing - almost as though he wants to get his account out there first. Also the phrase 'out and proud' as an attempt to ape or echo the position of other marginalised groups in expressing their sexuality as something natural or reasonable. (there cannot be a comparison between consensual homosexual relationships between adults and a coercive/exploitational relationship between an adult and a child below the age of maturity or consent)

Not buying any of it - reads like pure manipulation by an abuser seeking to frame himself in some sort of victim/minority role while gaining plaudits for his 'honesty' and 'bravery'

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 08/01/2017 01:06

So he describes himself as a comfortably out paedophile

He failed to mentioned that when fostering vulnerable young girls and he doesn't think some of those girls were not aware and felt terribly uncomfortable and I don't beleive the false memories at all. The hugs that last for too long, the looks that imply something a child doesn't understand, the tickling that happens too often I guess he would think all that was harmless and innocent too

I do believe that there needs to be more support for adults that do feel attraction towards children but never can they work with children and certainly not be foster careers this all makes it sound as if it an insignificant fetish he has its not

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 08/01/2017 01:09

I agree he is manipulating those around him as he has done all his adult life.

Why choose to be a teacher if you live in constant fear of how your feel Confused

HeCantBeSerious · 08/01/2017 01:15

"The former nurse, who met her spouse via a Christian singles dating site in 2004, said: "Paedophilia doesn’t mean that your a child molester.""

Hmm
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 08/01/2017 09:00

Sorry for not putting a warning! I can see it being picked up in America and I can't imagine people who live close by being happy. I just find it bizarre how she could stand by him. He didn't admit it until somebody came forward with a "false memory"

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 08/01/2017 14:30

As abused children often go onto be abusers themselves I think the input needs to be as early as possible, Something needs to be done to break the vicious cycle but I don't think there are any easy answers.

Jellybean83 · 08/01/2017 14:40

Ah, so someone who describes himself as a pedophile fostered a young girl who just happened to have false memories of him raping her? Righto, that sounds totally plausible. Hmm

StealthPolarBear · 08/01/2017 14:46

" As abused children often go onto be abusers themselves"
Thay isn't an accurate or fair statement

hollinhurst84 · 08/01/2017 14:47

Yeah it doesn't read right at all that
I do remember seeing a TV programme and there was a fairly young (maybe mid 20s) man in it, he was attracted to children and he was absolutely torn - I mean full on would rather kill himself than be like that
He was living as a virtual hermit, refusing to leave the house or go on the Internet etc etc because he didn't want to have these feelings and he 100% did not want to offend
I'm not v good at articulating but it does make me wonder if that's just who he is - like my friend who is a dominant, or my other friend who is a sub, both of them never have "vanilla" sex as such, and going away from that would just mean they would rather not have sex
I'm not justifying it in any terms but there must be people out there who are attracted to children, hate it and have never offended?

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