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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about mates rates/favours for friends?

111 replies

Blinkybell · 06/01/2017 20:53

A bit of background - I like sewing, knitting, etc and in recent years I've really got into quilting.

I had a load of unfinished projects floating about, so about 18 months ago I started finishing them off and sold them on Etsy, over time I've made them for friends as gifts, for friends of friends, etc and have now sold quite a few and I have a few orders on the go at the moment

I also have a full time job, kids, dog, normal family stuff

Anyway, to cut a long story short, a friend has asked me to make a quilt as a present for her mum. She texted a few days ago to ask me if I'd do her a favour and make a "little something" and she'd "provide all the material" for her mums birthday at the end of the month, I replied that it depended on what the 'little something' was as I was pretty busy at the moment. She asked if she could come over and show me.

Turns out that she wants me to make a pretty complicated double bed size quilt, from shirts that belonged to her late father. It's lovely, but there's nothing 'little' about it.

I apologised and explained that I just didn't have time, I had work and some paid for orders that had to take priority. I said she could leave it with me and I'd do it over the next few weeks, suggested some simpler designs, a smaller quilt or cushion covers maybe, but she wanted to stick with her original idea, so I had to say, sorry but no can do.

She got really huffy and passive aggressive and has been bad mouthing me to a couple of mutual friends.

I'm really pissed off with her, I'd really like to cut down my hours at work and sell more of my stuff so I feel that it have to prioritise prior, paying orders over favours.

I'm happy to make her the quilt, but it will be as and when and will go to the back of the queue whenever I get a paid for order

OP posts:
SallyInSweden · 07/01/2017 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/01/2017 08:40

I think you need to definitely put the amount of time it would take... And spread this info..

I know these things take ages... No idea how long... Say it would take you

40 hours x15£ph...£ 600 not including materials...

She is essentially asking you to give her th his amount of money isn't she? And there's the opportunity cost... (the other paid work you're not doing...)

DollyPlastic · 07/01/2017 08:40

Text her and say that you're dirty to hear she's been bad mouthing you as you hoped she'd understood why you couldn't do it.

Shame her.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/01/2017 08:43

Op did try to explain to her, but the 'friend' was not having it, and badmouthed her, even the other friends tried to tell her. I am a non crafting person, even I know how much time it would take and that materials cost.

Helbelle75 · 07/01/2017 09:38

People are generally ignorant about how much time things take. I'very been asked to do things before, which is fine as I do it as a hobby, but I think people assume you just magically run the fabric through a sewing machine and it turns into a beautiful quilt/ cushion cover/ table runner. They don'the see the hours of preparation and the skill involved.
I'm glad to your other friends understand and tried to put her right.
Maybe suggest to her that she might like a project and do it herself?

Thinkingblonde · 07/01/2017 10:01

I am a dressmaker and used to make wedding dresses and made one as a wedding present for a friend, I provided everything for it, materials of her choosing, Ivory silk satin and of course the labour. It was a strapless bodice with a fishtail skirt, she also wanted a stole made out of the fabric left over.
There was enough fabric off cuts left over to make little cushioned ring bearers which I sold on eBay to recoup some of my costs.
I heard from friends that she'd been saying that she should get the money from the sales of the ring bearers as it was 'her wedding dress material'.
So ever since then whenever I am asked to 'Run something up' I tell them I charge £xx.

ChuckSnowballs · 07/01/2017 10:04

I am not a believer in Mates Rates. Why should your time be worth less just because you know them? If they value your skills, then why should they have them for free? If they think it is so easy, then crack on.

Also, then to badmouth you. Not a friend.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/01/2017 10:06

Thinkingblond what an ungrateful arse she is. Your probably nicer than me, but I wod have sent her an invoice of the material, time to make the dress and the stole and ditched her as a friend.

Original poster
Blinkybell · 07/01/2017 10:11

Thanks all!

Sorry for not coming back sooner, fell asleep on the sofa last night

I definitely won't be doing anymore mates rates/favours - I don't mind turning up a pair of trousers, but that's that

If I see my 'friend' I will be having words with her about the bad mouthing but I'm not going to hunt her out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blinkybell · 07/01/2017 10:13

Thinkingblonde that's awful. My mum used to make wedding dresses when I was a child - so much work and the materials are expensive

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 07/01/2017 10:24

Point out to her that your gift was the dress and stole, not material, she hasent paid for it, so it's yours to do with what you wish! Cheeky mare!

LunaLoveg00d · 07/01/2017 10:29

I think people who don't knit/quilt/crochet themselves have just no idea of how long these things take to do.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/01/2017 11:07

Luna I am not a craft needlework person myself, my granny was, she was a seamstress and used to make dresses, crochet, knitting. She used to spend hours doing it. I have some idea that it takes a lot of time. Also I am not a piss taker, I would never expect anything for nothing, if I could not afford the going rate, I would not have it done.

KoalaDownUnder · 07/01/2017 11:12

I don't do any crafts but I expect to pay people for their time and skill. It's that simple!

Thinkingblonde · 07/01/2017 11:17

Thank you, she was only a friend because we are good friends of her now ex DH. He told her to stop being so greedy. He told me after they'd divorced, thinking back, it was an early sign of things to come.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/01/2017 11:30

Yes Thinking, its always those sorts of people who take the piss. I would have offered you money for the dress and stole too, whatever you wanted, or paid for your material or something, not expect it for free.

Allergictoironing · 07/01/2017 12:09

My cousin is a skilled woodworker, so when 2 people I am close to had babies last year I asked her to make a couple of baby mobiles for them (making it clear that I would pay for them). When they arrived they were beautiful. I called her to ask how much I owed her, and the price she quoted me was just the materials and postage - I made sure that there was a significant amount MORE in the bank transfer I did to her account as payment. We are very close and I'm actually her closest living relative, but I know that this is part of her income and I would never expect her to make something I'd commissioned without me paying for the labour!

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 07/01/2017 12:27

These threads (and they do seems to come up surprisingly often - PPs mentioned the recent cake one) make me so Angry.

I'm terrible at all things sewing and crafty but I appreciate how long they take. A handmade bespoke double quilt sounds utterly reasonable at £150 even with all materials provided and without the fiddly difficult bits you explained and I didn't understand - non-square patch shapes, different types of materials for patches...

If she hadn't bad-mouthed you to friends, I would have said that, maybe yoy could suggest a professional who could do it for her in the timescale she wanted. As it is, I'd have nothing more to do with the bitch.

Friends do favours for friends, obviously. It's always good to pool our skills. I'm always happy to provide a bit of IT support or proofreading. But in my experience, these are jobs which only take a couple of hours at most, and CRUCIALLY it's always, always OK to say "No, sorry" with no explanation needed.

Getting the hump because someone wouldn't do hundreds of hours work for you (and pay for the privilege) at the expense of paid work, is mind-boggling.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 07/01/2017 12:41

Text her and say that you're dirty to hear she's been bad mouthing you

Sorry, Dolly, that autocorrect made me laugh. It sounds like bizarre porn. "Ooh, yeah, you bad-mouthing me makes me feel so dirty. Grin

DollyPlastic · 07/01/2017 12:51

I did notice after I posted but I hoped no-one would notice Grin

PopGoesTheFuckingWeasel · 07/01/2017 13:16

Gah!! This boils my piss!

I had a friend of a friend ask me to make this

www.lookatwhatimade.net/crafts/yarn/crochet/sophies-universe-cal-2015/sophies-universe-cal-2015-information/

And she told me she'd"bung me a tenner".

She'd seen one I'd made for the mutual friend- and it cost me nearly £150 in materials alone!

If you want to play "cheeky fucker bingo", look out for

"well, it's your hobby- you'd be doing it anyway!"

"I can get cheaper blankets, etc, in B&M"

"

Sorry about the rant...I feel your pain!

Ps...yanbu...😁

Original poster
Blinkybell · 07/01/2017 13:27

LOL! I was just about to post that I'd received a text when I saw the post about cheeky fecker bingo above

She says "sorry if I offended you. I didn't think you'd mind, I know how much you enjoy your hobby. I had seen quilts in Matalan last year for £45 so didn't realise. Sorry, won't ask again"

I haven't replied yet, I don't think I can be arsed

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 07/01/2017 13:29

Wow popgoes that is beautiful, but a £10, that's an insult! My reply woukd be, tgat you are getting a bespoke item which costs £££££ to make and many hours, in relation to yiur BM mass produced tat! So go right ahead to BM then!

PenguinsandPebbles · 07/01/2017 13:29

Nobody noticed Wink

I get so cross at these threads! I also make quilts and even basic ones with squares take forever, I've not yet timed myself (keep meaning too) but it takes hours to cut out the pieces as to use old fabric of diffferent types is painful :) I was asked to do something similar with old shirts so offered to show the person how to do it and strangely was never asked again!

I think my last quilt for a king bed, basic square quilt cost about £100 in total to make (good quality fabric and batting) then needle costs, cotton it all adds up very quickly. I reckon it took around 40 hours to make and that would be a very generous time estimation as I hand sew all my binding.

Some people just don't get it, I've lost count of the times I've been asked to make them Which I do for people as gifts as I get a lot of enjoyment out of it but someone saw one of mine and asked me to make one for them as I didn't have the time they said they would pay me... they offered £35 for a king quilt!

expatinscotland · 07/01/2017 13:30

I wouldn't bother replying to that silly cow. She knows damn well there's a huge difference between a mass-produced quilt and what she wanted. And she's a manipulative bitch with that 'I didn't think you'd mind . . . ' bit, like she's doing you a favour. She's a pisstaker. I'd cut her a wide berth and after a while, I'd block her.