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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not invite this child to my DDs birthday party?

31 replies

user1482575681 · 05/01/2017 18:19

My DD is in nursery full time and in her class she was the only one not invited to a girls birthday party and she was so upset that she hadn't been invited. Not sure why as they girls are friends. Invite wasn't lost as I double checked with the nursery.

I want to invite this little girl as I dont want her feeling like my DD when she was in floods of tears but also pissed at the mum leaving my DD out - not sure if it was a number thing as DD has never done anything to this little girl. This girl only has the free 15 hours so not sure if it was a money thing?

Should I suck it up and be the bigger person?! I have hired a hall so numbers arent an issue.

Argh what to do! Never had this issue with DS.

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 05/01/2017 18:21

You suck it up and be a bigger person! Also, how old is your dd? My son is 3 and wouldn't have a clue about being excluded from a party unless I expressly told him.

wonderingsoul · 05/01/2017 18:26

I have to say i dont think a nursery child would notice or remember or even be fussed for missing a party unless they was told about it.

You need to suck it up. Its petty. The only reason i would not invite a child is if they where bullying mine.

Crumbs1 · 05/01/2017 18:29

Why would you deliberately punish a small.child for something outside their control.

Snowflakes1122 · 05/01/2017 18:30

It's not the child's fault. Take the higher ground.

SaucyJack · 05/01/2017 18:32

Don't invite her.

The girl's family have made it very clear they don't want to socialise with your family out of nursery- for whatever reason.

End of subject as far as I'm concerned.

drinkingchanelno5 · 05/01/2017 18:33

Of course you should invite her, but you know that.

yummycake123 · 05/01/2017 18:34

Just invite her!
My son is 3 and I see that sometimes he doesn't get a party invite and I don't worry about it; he's totally oblivious to it...if he doesn't get invited he doesn't know there's a party.

multivac · 05/01/2017 18:36

So you're 'pissed' at the mum, and your solution is to exclude the child? I think you know YABU. They're in nursery - your own OP makes it clear that the kids pretty much have fuck all to do with who gets invited to parties and who doesn't. Who the hell would deliberately upset a child in order to make a snidey point to an adult?

AmeliaJack · 05/01/2017 18:36

Invite her. Always take the moral high ground.

Justmuddlingalong · 05/01/2017 18:36

This girl only has the free 15 hours so not sure if it was a money thing? I have hired a hall so numbers arent an issue. Perhaps the mother doesn't mix with people who look down their noses at her.

BratFarrarsPony · 05/01/2017 18:54

Unless you actually said to your child 'oh look you are not invited to so and so's party, how terrible' I do not see why she would be 'in floods of tears'. She is 3!!
And if you did encourage her to be upset about it, there's a term for that.
Just invite the child. Even though she does only have free nursery hours....Hmm

1horatio · 05/01/2017 18:58

I understand your DD being upset. But if they get along I think you should invite her.

Your an adult. You shouldn't participate in those 'little favours' games girls (and probably also boys?) tend to have..

taytopotato · 05/01/2017 18:58

Perhaps the mum of other child had limited budget so can't invite everbody.

Madasahattersteaparty123 · 05/01/2017 19:00

The only question is does your dd want her at the party if yes invite her.

Both my dds haven't always been invited to all their friends parties. Yes it is annoying but it can be a whole host of issues. The place is limited on numbers or they have lots of other friends/family. It might be that the child doesn't view your dd as good a friend as others. They may have had a spat the day the invitations were being chosen.

Soubriquet · 05/01/2017 19:01

She invited everyone apart from your Dd

Every single child?

I can't see that happening

Could have been a mistake. I would invite her

And at 3 years old why is your Dd so upset? I have a nearly 4 year old who loves birthday parties but even she wouldn't have noticed

Original poster
user1482575681 · 05/01/2017 19:02

I dont look down on anyone - I just wondered if it was a cash/number thing.

Will invite her :-)

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 05/01/2017 19:04

They're 3, if it was genuine it was the parents fault not the child's so don't punish the child.

pipsqueak25 · 05/01/2017 19:05

just invite the child, you might come across as appearing superior to the other mother and she doesn't want any thing to do with you, but it would be very churlish not to invite her child, this is a one off after all, the situation might not arise next year.
don't be seem as one of those 'she's a snooty bitch' type mums,

SpookyPotato · 05/01/2017 19:31

My son wouldn't have a clue he was left out! Good on you for being the bigger person Smile You can feel good knowing you don't play petty games.

pipsqueak25 · 05/01/2017 19:50

it's great you are sorting this in a good way.

BIgBagofJelly · 05/01/2017 20:51

Definitely invite her. Is there no possibility the mum just lost your DD's invite? Even if it was deliberate getting an invite from you will show that you're the bigger person and it would be grossly unfair to take it out on the little girl. It was rubbish of the girl's mum to exclude only one child though, horrible thing to do even if they weren't particularly good friends.

Floggingmolly · 05/01/2017 20:55

How on earth do you know your dd was the only one not invited?? You seem to have spent an unwarranted amount of time "double checking"; and you've evidently made it a bigger deal for your dd that it needed to be as well.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/01/2017 20:55

If she is the only one not invited, you have to invite her, that is mean and nasty. If she is having a small party for a few children from nursery (half of the class), you don't have to invite her.

Witchend · 05/01/2017 20:56

When mine were at preschool with all the different times they had it would have been impossible to tell every child had/had not had been invited.
So it's probably an accident if she has been the only one, but there's a good chance she isn't.

Allthewaves · 05/01/2017 21:30

I have a 3 yr old he wouldn't notice however his friend who's a girl would immediately have noticed as girls make a big fuss of parties at their pre school, so i get why your wee one was upset.

As your doing a hall I would invite her. We hire a hall and it's more the merrier. Not the kids fault