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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a thank you off bride and groom.

126 replies

dawnmist · 04/01/2017 11:04

I recently went to a friends wedding. Because she was already living with her partner she didn't want wedding presents but asked for money instead so they could have a nice honeymoon. I was perfectly happy to do that, but here's my aibu, shouldn't i have received a thank you letter rather than a general thanking everyone on facebook.

Am i being petty, is a facebook thank you the done thing these days. I'm happy to be told iabu, i just want to know what everyone thinks.

OP posts:

HandsomeDevil · 04/01/2017 12:28

I think if you've not had an in-person thank you (and I've get to go to a wedding where presents and cards are opened on the spot), then something is required after the event.

Cards are nicest, but I think an text/email is fine if sent personally to each guest. A group "shout out to all who came" is really lame, but I think a personal text/email saying thank you, HandsomeDevil, for being there and for the very generous XYZ which we loved is ok.

Overcooked · 04/01/2017 12:30

Seriously though, who wants a card of a picture of a bride and groom? It will be read and then binned, it's so wasteful, I really do not need a thank you card.

I wonder whether I might start writing in cards that I do not require a thank you - there must be a pithy little poem to cover it.

'I know you are thankful for this gift so please don't write to me you stupid git' - does that work?

Salmotrutta · 04/01/2017 12:31

We got married nearly 35 years ago and received gifts in the run up to the wedding.

As the gifts arrived I wrote thank you letters and sent them off ASAP because that's how it was done and my mum would have been most displeased at my lack of manners if I hadn't

I'm still waiting for mere acknowledgements that at least 3 gifts we selected and paid for off wedding lists were received by the bride and groom...From about 15 and 10 years ago
I must admit those people went right down in my estimation.

NoraDora · 04/01/2017 12:31

I've always had thanks yous from a wedding and sent them from mine (recent).

In fairness I sent photographs so waited about 6 weeks for them.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 04/01/2017 12:32

We attended a wedding late last year and received a generic thank you card along with a christmas card from the couple in late December this year - so more than a year after the wedding, which did seem a bit odd! ( had seen them both in the interim and was thanked verbally so wasn't bothered, just assumed they weren't doing cards)

badg3r · 04/01/2017 12:33

We got married very quietly in summer and a few people sent us money. It has taken me a LONG time to get the thank you card out, but almost done now. Like PPs I waited to get the photos back and like Clara I am hoping that being pregnant and exhausted will be accepted as an excuse. I have received cards anything up to 6 months after the big day though so there's still hope!

MadisonAvenue · 04/01/2017 12:34

Seriously though, who wants a card of a picture of a bride and groom? It will be read and then binned, it's so wasteful, I really do not need a thank you card.

I love anything like that and any that we get certainly aren't binned, they're kept as a reminder of the day.

Passmethecrisps · 04/01/2017 12:35

That made me laugh overlooked

"Here's your gift, no fuck off!"

That would probably do it.

Our photos were of the guest rather than of us.

OhhBetty · 04/01/2017 12:36

I'm a bit worried people will see me as rude now as I've sent out thank you cards for Christmas from my son and I but they all have the same message inside! They have a photo on the front of Christmas day though and have their names inside.

I do like to send thank you cards but I don't really mind not receiving them for weddings etc. I do think guests should be thanked at least on the day though. I went to a wedding where we were all asked prior for money for their honeymoon. No thank you was given on the day, after the weddint or after the honeymoon which was a good 9 months later! Not even a Facebook one! I agree with pp I think people are getting ruder. I am 26 and am working class btw!

PuppyMonkey · 04/01/2017 12:39

To everyone asking "when was the wedding?" Sounds like about 1951 from some of the silly outdated etiquette nonsense on this thread.

Letters are no longer a primary means of communication in this day and age imho

abbsisspartacus · 04/01/2017 12:39

they kind of dwindled out when stamps started to cost more

PuppyMonkey · 04/01/2017 12:41

Life IS too short for me to make gravy btw - can't stand the stuff.

Felinerose · 04/01/2017 12:42

We sent our thank you cards plus photos of the guest at wedding if the professional had got a good one. All sent a week after honey moon! ( yes that was straight after wedding).
Very bad mannars not too, and I know my mother cut off a very close family friends son because he didn't sent thank you card after his wedding.

Wdigin2this · 04/01/2017 12:44

When I got married, I sent out formal letters, individually thanking each guest for their kind thoughts and gifts! Not something you see these days, but it wasn't very long ago....it's just the way I like to do things!

PuppyMonkey · 04/01/2017 12:50

Felin, that's pretty bad mannered of your mum after she enjoyed their hospitality at the wedding

LouBlue1507 · 04/01/2017 12:52

Thank you cards are a bloody waste of time, money and paper! There are much more efficient ways to say thank you these days if you didn't get a chance to do it in person.

A thank message on Facebook, text, or a call is fine.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 04/01/2017 12:52

Still waiting for a verbal thanks for wedding gift 6 months ago, see them in work every day and nada.

Candlestickchick · 04/01/2017 12:56

I think it is unforgivably rude not to send a written thank you.

People who could be bothered to spend time and money attending the wedding and buying a gift deserve the courtesy of a written confirmation it was appreciated.

MatildaTheCat · 04/01/2017 13:00

Considering how much effort and planning is expended on the average wedding these days it seems extremely lame to claim sending an individual note or card is too time consuming or expensive. 'Write thankyous' should be the last item on the bride and grooms extensive list of things to do.

Agreed we aren't in the fifties but by whatever means gifts should be thanked for individually. Just manners, nothing to do with class.

Greyponcho · 04/01/2017 13:01

If someone has taken the time and effort to choose a gift & card, wrap present and write card then the b&g can take the time to write a quick yet personal thank you to that person or give them a call - same goes for cash - they took the time to earn it and chose to give it to the b&g.
We thanked people in person and by card - seems more heartfelt if you actually bother to take a bit of time to do it, but they did take a while to get sent out.

junebirthdaygirl · 04/01/2017 13:13

Have been at lots of weddings right up until recently and have received a thank you handwritten card from each one, except for one. We gave them a very generous gift and never heard a word. Never said thanks personally either. They were not family but someone my dh did a huge amount of business with and we attended the wedding. All nieces and nephews have written lovely personal messages and send photos. I appreciate getting them. I do expect to get them as it's good manners. Saying that there is usually a time lapse and that is perfectly fine. I would consider a thank you on Facebook as a casual thing but expect the cards to follow. It's the least people can do to have some manners.

TrueBlueYorkshire · 04/01/2017 13:21

We waited till we had all the photos back before we sent off cards. Then we included relevant photos in each card. Probably almost 8-12 weeks after we got married before they were sent out.

RuggerHug · 04/01/2017 13:36

It's incredibly bad form not to send thank yous. If my cash was good enough to take then it's worth the cost of a stamp. Friend of mine really went down in my estimation when there was no thank you(even a text for people who think that counts) until over a year later and they were tapping people for baby presents.

Mrsglitterfairy · 04/01/2017 14:17

We got married in June and also asked for money towards our honeymoon. All of our guests were so generous and we were extremely grateful however, most guests haven't received a thank you card. We did thank pretty much everyone on the day, thanked everyone in person/phone/text email as and when we spoke to them afterwards but just didn't get round to sending out thank you cards. We had some made and gave some out but genuinely just lost track of time and now is too late to send them out. I would think your friend is in a similar situation and really did appreciate your gift, don't take it personally.

NoraDora · 04/01/2017 14:22

Mrs glitter you really should send them no matter how late. It's basic manners to send thank you notes after a wedding.

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