To want my house guest gone...

[876TaylorMade]

This was my DH's idea....she's here for 3 months!!!
It's annoying me now.

He's also away...he'll be back tomorrow. I'm pregnant and have a toddler... Tired of hosting FFS! I keep having to bite my tongue.. but I want her gone really.

She has rearranged my kitchen ... I'm searching all over to find my things.

She saunters in and cooks what she wants... not a problem. But when making dinner I ask what she doesn't eat she says she'll eat anything. Yet still goes in and makes her own food... She never does this when my DH is here...

We all got horrendous diarrhoea when she made dinner for us all... hence the reason I don't want her food.

She never uses the dishwasher... I've asked. As I believe it saves energy & water.... We run it every two days anyway as its just the three of us normally. But I haven't been able to...and keep having to run half empty loads...as the smell gets too much.

She never uses the washing machine... or refuses to have her things washed with ours. fucking waste!

I've heard her on the phone discussing me... It was 2am, I couldn't sleep...went to the bathroom and overheard.

She torments plays with my DD... the child is always bloody screaming when she goes around her... and not a playful scream. I dont know what to say...

She seems "nice" otherwise...

@DesolateWaist.. nail on the head! but it wasn't my suggestion. and yes my DH is English ... I'm from the Caribbean.

@HecateAntaia She wont be helping with the children...just around the house. minus the cooking cleaning etc. But as PP have suggested a cleaner would be just as good.

I'm really not following this.... she is of no benefit to you in any way shape or form ... get her out of your home...

I think you're absolutely right OP. I think you need to formalise the relationship and give her some structure to her days. Just because she's being a live in domestic help that doesn't mean you need to be unfriendly (and so you won't jeapordize your husband's relationship with the lady), but you need to structure her days and ensure you get what you need from her. E.g. Show her how you want her to organise the kitchen, pack dishwasher etc....I'm part Arab and my family had live in domestic help in the Middle East. It can be tough to get used to at first, but as long as there's structure and boundaries it can work for you. I wish you all the best

So she is more of a paid lived-in help than a friend (even though she's your husband's friend), except she isn't helping.

Get rid of her before the new baby comes.

She has left her job to come help you? Bit of a drip feed op

This just sounds such a creepy set up.

Blurred lines. Easily done with employees who become family friends.

Your dh expected her to 'help out' in a professional sense - but forgot to discuss with her the 'contract' and duties
She's your dh friend, but she's a stranger to you so I can imagine how uncomfortable it must feel for her.

Although she's being paid, she's not been given any 'jobs' to do and doesn't know quite what her role is.

I think she's trying to give you space by staying in her room - considering it's too hot for days out
Re the cooking/washing, maybe that's her way of not making extra work for you?
Or maybe she's just trying to find some boundaries in the blurred lines?
Given her previous exp of working for other families i'm sure she's more than aware of respecting others space/home etc
Or maybe she doesn't want to be perceived as 'stepping on your toes' if she just takes over the ironing etc before the two of you have discussed it?

You need to be able to feel comfortable with having her in your personal space, now and later once the baby's born.
So maybe next time you could look at her staying in alternative accommodation for 3 months? Bedsit/studio flat?

Or hire local help?

You and dh need to decide what sort of help you'd like from her - childcare/shopping/cooking/washing/ironing/helping clean etc, and then discuss it with her.

I feel sorry for the women in this, you're both tiptoeing around each other to avoid offense.

If shes Jamaican then the washing clothes separately and not using dishwasher sound normal to me. Guessing Jamaican from your username op.

Hi Op,

l had two 16 months apart in another country, my DH was away working a lot, and l had 2 c-sections, so l understand your dilemma.

l think getting a cleaner who is efficient and you like is essential. Then can you afford a night nanny? l was so very ill after my 2nd c-section l had a night nanny for several weeks...it was fairly inexpensive where l was living...

It was a lifesaver and helped enormously, 10pm till 6am. l wrote down exactly how l wanted things done and it worked great. Also l didn't want someone at home in the day, as l could just about cope.

She brought the youngest to me 3 times to feed then just took him away burped ,changed and settled him back to sleep. Being in lots of pain not having to do those things all night, really helped me recover. And kept me sane. Days with 2 are much easier if you know help and sleep are coming at the end...
If you are worried about PND, you do need some support in place that YOU are in charge of, rather than the lady you have now.

I batch cooked and froze enough meals for 6 weeks, and set up deliveries for the fresh things and nappies.... as l was so ill it was a godsend....could you do this?

Get rid of her. Use hidden cameras to catch her out if you have to.

Do you have a shed? If so invite a few friends and their partners over dressed in latex costumes holding whips, handcuffs etc. Make a point of all walking through the house and into the shed for a few hours and order a takeaway with wine. She will hopefully leave the following day.