U to make son's girlfriend cook?

[WearyM]

I have my ds and his gf staying at the moment, they've been here nearly a week, and we have another week to go...they'e both 25 by the way. I'm a nurse, and work shifts and I am flipping tired. Am I unreasonable in asking her and ds to make the meals for the rest of the time they are here?

Ask them both to cook. They should have offered by now anyway.

Just tell him you won't be cooking, but that they shouldn't feel shy about using the kitchen etc.

But by the same token, I don't think you can feel peeved at them for sitting on the sofa.

Reasonable to ask them to cook between them. Unreasonable to expect girlfriend to cook while son gets waited on. Ovens can be operated by either sex.

Yes it's always close relatives who appreciate been helped out and coming home to a clean House

Ask them both to cook?

yanbu

OP is getting an unfair time about how well her son cooks...
My son has forgotten how to cook, little turd.

Presumably they are able to feed themselves when not with you?

Agree with PPs. It's massively sexist to ask her to cook on the basis that she is female and must therefore be better at cooking. Agree that they should both be asked to cook some meals. I sincerely hope he doesn't make her do all the cooking at home.

Also, sorry to say it, but you need to take some blame for his lack of cooking skills. I could cook family meals by the time I was 10 and was baking by myself at age 7. All children should be encouraged to learn to cook and help out with meals from a young age. It's one of the most vital skills you can learn and both boys and girls should learn it.

Surely if you think that it's a woman's place to cook, you need to give up your little job and take care of your son properly?

This is all you need;

"Hey guys, That would be great if you could sort out the dinner in the evenings & as I am on shifts & fucking knackered.... let me know if you need ideas/ info on where to find utensils....Google is your friend...."

It would be absolutely outrageous to ask your adult son's girlfriend to cook rather than asking him or asking both of them. My DH cooked this evening and at no point did he have to ask me to come and stir the food with my vagina. Regardless of his actual cooking ability your son is presumably physically capable of preparing a meal?
However, I wouldn't think it was at all rude for my MIL to ask DH and I to cook in the circumstances you have given, and think it is cheeky of them not to have offered!

Yanbu

Buy them a belated cook book and tell them when you are expected home for tea. .

Stuff whether he should be able to cook ( it is irrelevant since you are asking for food not a dissertation on the feminism of baking) - they should definitely be making you reasonable meals between the two of them. If he can't cook, she can teach him and kill two birds with one stone.

Wording of thread title was v stupid, in retrospect..

You need to tell your son to cook. Whether or not she wants to muck in is her business.

Fine to ask your ds to cook for you, and his gf can help him.

Not ok to ask her to cook while he helps her.

Your ds should be helping out with some basic chores while you are at work too (quick vacuum round, put in and hang up a washing, keep dishwasher loaded/unload, kitchen clear). If he has a car, he can pick up groceries for you if you leave him a list. If his gf wants to help him then again ok

Don't take out your tiredness and your ds's laziness on the gf

I suggest you leave a note saying:

Dear DS and GF

I am off out at work doing a 10 hour shift.

The following needs to be done in the house so please can you do that while I am out.

Cook a meal.
Tidy
Hoover
Washing

Thank you.

Mum

In all seriousness, I think asking them both to cook is fine but i would be wary of the suggestions to point them in the direction of a cookbook. I would have felt really patronised if my MIL (or anyone) presumed I couldn't cook!

Yes to mycat's post.

i think you can legitimately ask them to cook a few meals this week. i don't think you can ask her tho. if my mil asked me to cook in her house i'd feel quite uncomfortable that she wouldn't ask her son, but i would probably say 'oh do u want me to let dh know that you'd like him to cook this week?' but it would make me feel unwelcome and like i was expected to wait on her son, would make be feel a bit guarded, like my mil was a 1950s throw back who expected me to be the good little housewife...
depends on the relationship you want with what could be the future mother of ur grandchildren...

You're awfully wound up about your DS & his GF staying for a fortnight. Why? & why are they staying?

Why isn't your son better in the kitchen? Didn't you think it was important?

Absolutely fine to ask them both to cook, not just her.

I'd be ashamed if my DS had got to 25 and couldn't cook.

Both could do basic meals by 13. (Chilli, bolognaise, curries).

I don't think you are unreasonable to ask them to help out. I stayed with my bfs parents over new year and we helped out with the cooking one night and his sister and her bf cooked one night and we helped make breakfast one morning etc.

I think it's unreasonable to ask her to cook, even combined with him. He's your son, she's the guest. Ask him. If he asks her to help, then fine, but I wouldn't involve her.