is this really living?

[QueenyLaverne]

Im in my early thirties and moved back home with my parents 18 months ago due to financial hardship. Basically i got myself in a big mess and the only way to sort it out was to move home.
Since then my relationship has broken down, we were living together for a few years.
But i am an adult. I am so sick of living to everyone elses rules. I know people will say well, buck up, move out on your own, but its the furthest thing from possibility right now.
My elderly parents do a wonderful job with me, they help me, lend me money when i need it but im sick to DEATH of not feeling free.
Free to make my own decisions, to slob around in my pj's all day if i want to, to not go to work without explaining myself if im sick, to watch what i'd like on the TV for once.
I sound extremely ungrateful which to be honest, i am and i feel like the worst human being in the world, but im not being ME.
Im generally nice, grateful, kind but living in this way just brings out the worst in me, well not me, its someone i dont recognise and someone who i dont like very much.
I just want a rant and a cry and to declare to the world that im old enough to be ME but im not free to do so. Its driving me crazy. I feel like half a human being and a really crappy version at that....:(
The work i do just doesnt command very much money. Due to health implications im not up to much job wise and have to pick jobs carefully so i know ill be capable. It bloody sucks with a capital S.
I feel that now im single im even further away from ever being my own person again with a life to call my own.....

Dear Queenielaverne, I wish you all the best for 2017 - you sound depressed - obviously, in your situation, anybody would be depressed - so I only mention the obvious because in the situation you are in, things will seem all the worst - especially when your health is compromised and you seem to feel trapped; I also remember being in financial difficulties when I was young and was a student nurse at the time with a ridiculously low salary and I felt desperate; some of the posts have offered helpful ideas like seeing your GP for help with your low mood - getting out of the house and perhaps trying a hobby/new class/joining a book club; the problem is that if one is trapped in a low mood state, the last thing many people will want to do is precisely to socialise - which requires some kind of spark of effort and you might not feel you have the energy for this right now; so as one poster suggested, seeing your GP can help you access help in terms of managing your low mood and maybe accessing helpful therapies like counselling; you are not a bad person, like most of us, your are probably OK most of the time! you are in a rut and your post reflects how bad you feel about yourself; with the support of your parents (as a safety net I mean), please seek help to talk things through in a safe confidential place; I wish you all the best and things will get better in time, even if you do not believe this now. As one one person suggested - you perhaps need support to see the wood from the trees - tackling the issues you have in small bites/chunks, making a plan - it doesn't have to be grand or explosive - just a plan, a small manageable plan.
Take care, I wish you the best.

please forgive me QueenyLaverne - I spelt your name incorrectly - sorry

I too found myself back at my parents in my early thirties when my world seemed to crumble around me. I was depressed. With support I found myself slowly rebuilding my life. Small baby steps that felt like such humongous effort at the time. Slowly things began to change and I started to feel happier. It was as if I was rewiring myself or something! My life is beyond recognition now. Husband, daughter, job etc. lovely friends. Please seek support - counselling etc. Do something, as suggested, like a book club, park- run, anything that takes you out of yourself and is social it makes all the difference. Wishing you a positive 2017

OP, having briefly lived back with my parents in my early twenties, I truly feel your pain. It's vv difficult to have privacy and autonomy, the two things that generally keep you going as an adult.

I admire the steps you are taking to get back on track - for that you should feel very proud of yourself. Mentally fast forward two years and imagine the new start you'll have made, and the new life you are building. You will get there, it will happen.

Good luck!

Hi I've recently been diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis and having continuous flare ups. I have carried on working full time on my feet all day until I collapsed and ended up in hospital. Im sure it's been brought on by stress at work. It doesn't help when your work colleagues slag you off by texting each other and found out when they've text me by mistake. They are not very sympathetic towards people that are ill. I'm off work at the minute with a nasty flare up in my hands, knees,hips and neck. I feel so down. Does anyone else or know someone who has RA. When does the pain get better. I'm so down. I've been like this for 6 months and only now seeing a rheumatologist after numerous visits to my GP who just kept on giving me pain relief meds which didn't work.

@gailyb57 - I suspect you posted here by accident. Start a new thread of your own. I'm really sorry to hear about your RA.

Sorry you're right. My head is up my bum.

My daughter is coming back to live with me to go back to uni to, hopefully, start a new career. She feels she is going backwards. I feel it's a great opportunity and comforting she has a safety net. Can't you have a TV in your room. You are young and although it's not what you want at the moment. You have time on your side. Join meetup groups. They are everywhere. Do most things from social drinking to walks. I hope this helps.