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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would have dealt with this tantrum?

123 replies

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 31/12/2016 17:30

Feel like we are failing miserably Sad

DD has just turned two. She's generally fab, but is going through a very wilful phase right now. Fighting for independence, doesn't like us doing anything for her, tantrums when she doesn't get her way, and some general mischief like chucking her toys around (and laughing when told not to). We are trying to be firm with her but to be honest, she gives zero fucks.

This morning she would not let us get her dressed. We lay her down to put on her socks and she was kicking and screaming, rolling and crawling away. Absolutely refused to co operate. We tried to just continually lie her back down and put her clothes on, but she was having none of it. Kicking, screaming, crying, going rigid on DH's knee. She was getting herself into a state. I told DH, who was trying to be firm with her, to just stop (he thinks I'm far too soft and that I'm doing her no favours by pandering to her).

Eventually she got so worked up that we just let her run around in her nappy for another ten mins, and tried again when she was calmer. She still made it difficult but we managed. This was fine as we weren't in a hurry today, but generally we don't have a spare half hour just to put on her clothes in the morning. We're in charge and she needs to know that but she doesn't care. Aside from physically pinning her down and forcing her legs into her trousers etc, what were we meant to do??

I'm just not sure what we should have done. I have no idea, in fact. Can you tell me how you'd have dealt with it?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2016 17:43

Not second post - fourth!

Beth2511 · 31/12/2016 17:43

sorry to hijack but how do i do time out with my two year old who has juat hit a horrendous stage pf hitting, pinching, throwing what not. not had to do it before

cherrycrumblecustard · 31/12/2016 17:43

I wasn't implying that for a moment. Just wondered what he did and if it worked.

ClockKeeper · 31/12/2016 17:44

I have a wilful, just turned two year old also.

She's my second child and I just adopt the view that 'everything is a stage' and getting stressed and cross just makes the parent feel bad. Child couldn't care less!

I'd have let her run around too, so I think you did the right thing.

Original poster
JoyfulAndTriumphant · 31/12/2016 17:45

We tried that arethereanyleft she just ignored us

OP posts:
HeyRoly · 31/12/2016 17:46

You did the right thing. She's only just two; she's a baby.

If you try to escalate the situation, so will they. You and they just get more stressed and more furious. Pick your battles.

They give zero fucks at this age and can start fights in empty rooms.

Unfortunately, it lasts until they're about four Wine

sdaisy26 · 31/12/2016 17:46

I've got a 2.5yo who has always been so easy going but suddenly wants to let us know he has opinions. He's a nightmare!

I give him choices wherever I can so eg 'these trousers or these ones?' (Not loads, just a choice between 2 options) but make it clear that he must choose 1. Sometimes that means I have to hold him on my lap & be quite firm, but I explain why eg we have to go out/ otherwise we can't do x,y,z. H & I try to use natural consequences wherever possible. But ultimately 5 days a week he has to be dressed for work / school / preschool etc so has to know that if I say it, I mean it. (Going along with this means only saying something if I really mean it / need it to happen.)

Also, pretty much the only thing getting me through sometimes is that I also have a 4yo who was difficult herself as a toddler & is now generally very lovely. So have the faith to hang in there!

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2016 17:47

Fine - so then you didn't go?

missymayhemsmum · 31/12/2016 17:48

We-ell, you could try letting her know you'll be getting dressed in a minute, who's getting dressed first, you or me or teddy? offering choices- pants or vest first, which socks shall we choose today, opportunities for independence- clever girl you pulled your own trousers up! distraction, (blowing raspberries, pulling faces, singing a song), bribery- once you are dressed we can go out and have fun/ play a game/ or if all else fails just force her into clothes so she learns that getting dressed is not optional and that you are in charge.
But it sounds like you handled it fine, to be honest. When you are two everything is a battle.

isthistoonosy · 31/12/2016 17:49

Timeout - for both toddlers I.stop.the game remove the offending items and make them say sorry (stroke or hug the other person if they cant talk) and then let them carry on playing. If they are being really violent, they like wrestling and sometimes get carried away they are split up and distracted with other games normally something physical like dancing or moving wood for the log burner.

Crumbs1 · 31/12/2016 17:49

How hard can it be? They all throw paddies and wriggle. As an adult it is t that hard to hold leg and put into clothes, one at a time. Fine to pander to tantrums with plenty of time but if you need to get out then I am afraid they need to be dressed in a timely way. They wriggling soon passes when they learn you mean business. Two year olds cannot negotiate.

Greenfingeredfun · 31/12/2016 17:49

I would have said 'do you want to go out on your scooter? Then you need to get dressed'.

Original poster
JoyfulAndTriumphant · 31/12/2016 17:50

No we did go. She did eventually get dressed. I wanted her to get some fresh air. She would sit and play with her Peppa house all day every day.

My mum keeps saying to me, you need to start being firmer and setting boundaries because when the new baby comes (I'm pregnant with DC2) you'll be in for a world of pain if she's running riot. But how do you do that when they don't give a fuck about being told off?

OP posts:
YoScienceBitch · 31/12/2016 17:51

Maybe make your punishments harsher? If she doesn't give a fuck then they're obviously not effective .

Original poster
JoyfulAndTriumphant · 31/12/2016 17:52

Some really great things to try here - thanks. I like the idea of giving her options I think she would respond well to that

OP posts:
missyB1 · 31/12/2016 17:52

There are various strategies worth trying
the fun stuff - races against a timer, singing silly songs etc..
Limited choices about clothes - which outfit would you like today?
Or of course "I know you really wanted to go on your scooter but we cant go now because you wont get dressed"

Im afraid I was always mean mum - do it or have a time out in your bedroom!

Original poster
JoyfulAndTriumphant · 31/12/2016 17:52

How do you punish a baby though?

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 31/12/2016 17:53

Yo, she's just turned two , what punishment would you suggest?

YoScienceBitch · 31/12/2016 17:53

2 year olds are not babies. They understand a lot more than you give them credit for.

GraciesMansion · 31/12/2016 17:54

I had this 2 yr old. I learned to start everything v early to give us plenty of time for her to do it herself. She learned quickly how to get herself dressed and if she wasn't then she was picked up to go out to the car without everything on. She would let me help then when she realised how cold it was! I also didn't make a point of forcing things that didn't really matter, it wasn't worth a battle. Choices helped. I never dared ask if she needed help, just the words would set her off so we learned to phrase things very carefully.

If it's any consolation, she's now a very independent and delightful 9yr old and not a sign of the tantrums or 'disobedience'.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2016 17:55

If I was going to go anyway, I would never have said 'if you don't get dressed we don't go' as it would have been an empty threat, which I think is a bad idea, as you're teaching them they can do what they like regardless. I think if you're issuing an ultimatum, you have to issue one you will follow through on.

HeCantBeSerious · 31/12/2016 17:55

The word "behave", however it's said, means nothing to a 2 year old. Need to be more specific.

Original poster
JoyfulAndTriumphant · 31/12/2016 17:55

So what would you suggest?

OP posts:
PberryT · 31/12/2016 17:55

Your error is trying to tell her off. 2yos don't really understand telling offs. They need clear consequences. Eg not getting dressed means bed. Or not getting dressed means no more peppa house. Your mum is right. You'll find this a lot harder with 2.

isthistoonosy · 31/12/2016 17:56

From what you say I assume a peppa pig ban would be as affective as it is for my little ones. Its amazing what you have to do if you want to see peppa in the evenings in our house Grin
And I agree with the pp two yr olds understand a lot more that you realise, even if they aren't talkers yet.