Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be quite fucked off with my sister?

29 replies

Fieryfighter · 30/12/2016 23:14

I hosted Xmas and boxing day this year at my house and obviously spent a good deal on food and drinks as you do. My sister asked a couple of days before if she could bring anything and I said a bottle of gin would be good as I knew most of the family (especially her!) enjoyed a g&t and it was on my list of last minute things I planned to get.

Anyway, we did the whole event and the gin actually didn't get touched, I'd provided so many other drinks people were drinking all sorts although I definitely offered it. My sister drank prosecco, Bailey's, wine, port, sherry etc nonstop so not short of a drink.

Anyway my folks dropped the chairs and glasses I'd borrowed from my sister back to her house after the event and she asked them had I sent the gin back. To be honest I hadn't even thought about the bloody gin but I did send with them a big platter of cured meats, cheese's, crackers, mince pies etc for them to give to her.

When they told me she'd asked for the gin back we all thought it was a bit cheeky, then just thought it was typical.

Anyway today my kids and I were invited to hers for dinner so I took along a really nice bottle of wine as you do. I got offered tea or coffee when we arrived and during dinner (which I spent an hour helping with) nothing was offered at all and after dinner was only asked if I wanted tea or coffee.

Now this is a household where they pretty much always have a glass of wine in their hands from tea time onwards, I've never been round there when wine is not being consumed all evening when people are round or not and they have cases of it in the kitchen.

It just felt like she was doing a big two fingers up to me for not returning the gin! She's a cheeky fucker isn't she?

OP posts:
QueenMortificado · 30/12/2016 23:16

Yes that's cheeky

But I never understand why family and friends can't just TALK to each other

"Can I open that bottle of wine I brought? Do you want a glass?"

"Parents told me you'd asked for the gin back, that was a joke wasn't it?! I spent loads on all the food and drinks we consumed over Christmas!"

She may have said it in jest. If you asked her you'd know, rather than speculating on what she meant

Patriciathestripper1 · 30/12/2016 23:17

Yes.
Hope it was cheap lidl wine Grin

elvis86 · 30/12/2016 23:19

But I never understand why family and friends can't just TALK to each other

"Parents told me you'd asked for the gin back, that was a joke wasn't it?! I spent loads on all the food and drinks we consumed over Christmas!"

Glad it's not just me! Why on earth wouldn't you just pull her up on it?!

Original poster
Fieryfighter · 30/12/2016 23:19

She definitely didn't say it in jest, she was hungover and grumpy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fieryfighter · 30/12/2016 23:22

I didn't pull her up on it as we don't see each other that often and tbh I just shrugged it off and wasn't going to waste time thinking about it... Then today was just odd!

OP posts:
QueenMortificado · 30/12/2016 23:22

Bit off of your parents to shit stir like that and gossip about you to each other too

MoreGilmoreGirls · 30/12/2016 23:22

I would have just told her to open the wine or gone in the kitchen and opened it my self, if she said anything re the gin I'd have said I thought she must have been joking given all the food and drink she consumed.

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 23:23

Assuming she'd usually offer you wine with your dinner, then yes, it's a bit bloody cheeky not to offer you one when you'd brought the bloody bottle round.

I think if that was my sister I'd just say 'Are we opening this, then? Where do you keep your corkscrew?'

Original poster
Fieryfighter · 30/12/2016 23:25

I just kept expecting wine to appear with dinner tbh as that's what always happens, then we were eating and talking and so on. I didn't even care THAT much about it, a glad would have been nice but just feel now she was making a point

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 30/12/2016 23:27

So nobody had any drinks at all at dinner? That's unusual. I would have just said ' I'm getting a glass of wine, anyone else want one?'

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 30/12/2016 23:29

Ha my sister tried to slip my bottle of gin in my bag, I insisted she keep it for future cocktails, it's grim stuff so admittly I only had 2gins out of it before giving to my sister. Not sure if I drank the full bottle of vodka I took up.

If I couldn't avoid future events I would make sure only lambrini was taken and on offer Grin

YouTheCat · 30/12/2016 23:33

Maybe she's realised she's a bit of a problem drinker, what with being a cheeky fucker and asking for the gin, and so she's stopped?

Anyway, just drink the gin and do not feel an ounce of guilt.

PerspicaciaTick · 30/12/2016 23:42

Why didn't your parents nip all this in the bud by saying "You are joking, aren't you? Fiery must have spent a fortune on all the food and drink we got through over Christmas! You can't ask for the gin back, you daft besom".

bojorojo · 30/12/2016 23:54

Try cutting down on the booze. You may not have anything to argue about then!

FizzySweeties · 30/12/2016 23:59

Either she overlooked the wine genuinely, or:

She was miffed that you actually told her what to bring when she asked (some people are like this - they say "can I bring anything?" but don't mean it. So when you said Yes - gin, that was (possibly) in her mind the first stone cast. (I don't agree but I'm trying to see what she is/was thinking?!)

Then you didn't get around to opening the gin. Yes she had all sorts of other drinks provided by you, plus food - but you didn't open the gin. So you "tricked" her into bringing gin that you wanted to keep for yourself. (yes I know, it's very odd, but some people really do think like that. I know quite a few). So, you cast the "second" stone.

So she feels justified in not opening but also keeping your wine for now.

Ask for it back! She really cannot refuse. Even if she doesn't actually bring it back, she knows you know. You could even ask for it back in a jokey way and then say "No... keep it. It's tacky to ask for things back that you've brought as a gift".

Depends on if you can pull her leg a bit and if you want to make any kind of point Wink

TheWoodlander · 31/12/2016 00:07

I'd have given her the gin back tbh.

I do agree with you - if I was your dsis, I would never asked for it back. But as it was unopened, and she asked, I'd have given it her. It's only a bottle of gin. Seriously not worth arguing about.

PickledCauliflower · 31/12/2016 00:08

Very cheeky of her - rude really.

Is she usually quite tight?

TheWoodlander · 31/12/2016 00:09

We're the sort of family that does this sort of thing though:

  • "no you keep the gin"
  • "no, please you have it"
  • "No, no, I insist"
etc.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/12/2016 00:11

Just ask her if she's given up alcohol after Christmas. Then when she says "no, why?" say you were surprised there was no wine with dinner, and was she trying to tell you something?

Thing is, people get really weird about this sort of thing. She won't have even noticed all the alcohol she consumed at your house, but she's thought about the gin because NO ONE drank it, so it's still an unopened bottle that she paid for, as far as she's concerned. Reciprocity doesn't occur to her. Just tell her you opened it and drank some the day after - as it is no longer an intact bottle, she'll probably let it go.

Original poster
Fieryfighter · 31/12/2016 00:11

My sister NEVER overlooks wine lol! I'd never ask for it back, I think I just needed a rant I guess.

When she asked what could she bring she initially said she'd contribute some money towards all the Christmas shopping but I said it was fine, it was all sorted, then she asked if she could bring anything instead. I did offer a g&t a number of times but it was always a case of "I'm fine I've got a port/sherry/baileys"

I think I was also just quite shocked we had dinner and they weren't drinking - never happens! And they haven't given up as they're off on a bender tomorrow

OP posts:
FastWindow · 31/12/2016 00:15

It's probably all got out of hand and been over thought but - a nice way to defuse this would be saying 'hey, we never opened that gin. Get over to ours and let's make a dent in it.'

Life's too bloody short to argue with sisters.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 31/12/2016 00:24

Maybe she is having a detox? (Clutching at straws)

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/12/2016 00:55

It probably was her getting back at you, so I hope it was a £15 bottle of gin versus a £5 bottle of wine! Unless she is planning to do that every time until she is "paid back".

Suggest that she hosts next year and you will contribute a bottle of gin Wink

DailyFail1 · 31/12/2016 01:11

Did she actually ask you for the gin though via your parents? If not then I doubt the two incidences were related. She might have thought you all overindulged over christmas & going without booze would be a good idea. Only way to know for sure is talk to her.

JustSpeakSense · 31/12/2016 01:36

I'd give her the bloody gin back, she sounds pretty petty and pathetic Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread