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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends for dinner - AIBU?

116 replies

Toast3 · 30/12/2016 14:08

We had 3 couples over for dinner last night. All local people who were pretty friendly with and see regularly. We all seem to be doing different things on NYE so decided to get together for dinner last night. I said we'd host as we have the space etc... (large conservatory that doubles as a great dining space).

We all agreed to chip in and do a course each. I did the main course, one couple said they'd do the starters, another offered pud and the other ones offered cheese. We've done this, 'shared style' before and it usually works well..

The first couple arrived with the starters, all plated up and ready to serve.
Next couple arrived with a huge cheese board, grapes etc and a bottle of port to go with it.
Third coupe arrive with all the ingredients to make 2 desserts (trifle and a cheesecake.) They wanted to make it in my kitchen which was all nice n clean and ready for guests, candles lit, nibbles out etc etc..

I was really pissed off as it was very last minute and they bloody trashed the place. Cream & dishes all over the place. Did I have a blender etc etc...

I didn't say anything at the time but we were all a bit shocked but I didn't want to ruin the night so let it go.

They've hosted these types of nights before and it's not the normal to prep in the hosts home.. so it's not like they misunderstood...

I asked if they'd had a busy day and the wife of the couple says, no not really we've just been chilling out and watching tele with the kids...

Just thought it was cheeky - AIBU of am I just being a grumpy cow after an absolutely knackering Christmas.. not much chilling in front of the tele been going on here lol !

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 30/12/2016 15:40

Perhaps, after my New Year diet, I'll be able to, irregular!

blinkineckmum · 30/12/2016 15:41

I thought you had a conservatory to sit in while they were in the kitchen? Can't see the problem.

galaxygirl45 · 30/12/2016 15:43

I've made both trifles and cheesecakes and transported them - in fact I always make them the morning they are needed or even the night before to ensure setting. They were very rude, and I'd have not been generous in letting them mess my kitchen up when I was about to serve a hot meal. I'd have to say something along the lines of "oh and bringing a course doesn't mean prepping it in my kitchen thanks all the same" next time you arrange something with them.

stiffstink · 30/12/2016 15:45

The jelly in trifle takes ages to set. What a weird thing to make on the night.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 30/12/2016 15:46

You can totally transport cheesecakes and trifles. They sell both those items at supermarkets...which get transported from factories, to the shop, to people's homes.

I can't believe I just typed that, but anyway...

RhiWrites · 30/12/2016 15:48

Ask BBQ lady to bring drinks in future?

OP, I'd find it a bit annoying too, Especially after cleaning the kitchen to make it nice.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 30/12/2016 15:49

Trifle def not upper class. As puddings go it's about the least classy you can get. It's the Baylis and Harding of puddings Grin

MyBonnieLiesOverTheOcean · 30/12/2016 15:52

I have relatives who regularly do this kind of thing...drives me mental! If you are bringing a dish you should bring it completed, not turn up with the ingredients.

I am a bit of a control freak but to me it makes more sense to try to minimise last minute prep and avoid anything that will create too much mess while guests are at my house so that I'm more relaxed and have less to do while they are here.

pictish · 30/12/2016 15:56

I just can't imagine myself being bothered about this. I am quite taken aback that so many of you would be. If they're good pals that you see a lot of and who you are familiar with, I just don't see what the problem is.

GruochMacAlpin · 30/12/2016 15:57

Rhi I've tried that too. It also somehow involved lots of hassle and faff. I'm not sure how she manages it - it's a gift.

To be fair, she is a very nice woman and I'd never not invite her - I just need her not to be within a 6 feet exclusion zone of my kitchen.

pictish · 30/12/2016 16:03

I mean it's a kitchen, right? For cooking in?
I could understand the upset if they had constructed a trifle on your sofa, but the kitchen wants people to prepare food in it...it's designed for it!

Passmethecrisps · 30/12/2016 16:07

Just noticed that it was trifle - bloody outrageous. Who likes that stuff? What is with all the soggy yuck sponge in the bottom. It makes no sense and is all manner of if wrong.

Constructed in my kitchen or on my sofa. Sloppy plate of wrong

Notso · 30/12/2016 16:08

They are friends though. With friends surely rather than being shocked into starting a thread on here you would just say "hey triflepreppingfriend give us a hand with clearing up while I get the main ready" and have a drink and a chat in the kitchen and maybe make a mental note to ask them to bring the cheese next time. or would you expect them to pre-butter crackers and pre-slice the cheese too

Passmethecrisps · 30/12/2016 16:09

I wouldn't mind at all pictish if it was a quick putting together of something which had no impact on the rest of the meal. But op says they all had to wait while the dessert was made before the starter could be done and only then after tidying up. All hands on deck sounds fun but this sounds a bit irritating.

And it was trifle

SauvignonBlanche · 30/12/2016 16:13

The jelly in trifle takes ages to set. Xmas Shock

Trifle def not upper class. As puddings go it's about the least classy you can get

It is if you put jelly in in! Clutches pearls

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 30/12/2016 16:42

I'm just laughing at the image of those hosts and other guests trying to enjoy a pre-dinner tipple and some light conversation, while these two are bashing the crap out of digestive biscuits with a rolling pin!

BitOutOfPractice · 30/12/2016 16:49

Oh for goodness sakes everyone. Just have another drink and relax. It really doesn't matter does it?

LagunaBubbles · 30/12/2016 16:49

I frequently make home made cheesecake (made a delicious tablet one mmm), it takes hours to set!

RubbishMantra · 30/12/2016 17:03

I don't use jelly in trifle. Raspberry compote instead. Takes me hours to make, then it needs to chill overnight. Can't stand room temperature trifle.

girlelephant · 30/12/2016 17:25

YANBU! Time wasted waiting for them when you should have all been socialising. Also making your kitchen messy!

DailyFail1 · 30/12/2016 19:24

Yanbu. I would be pissed off too & wouldn't invite them over again.

autumnglow · 30/12/2016 22:44

OMg your talking about a trifle! Get a grip hardly crime of the century!

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 22:51

The jelly in trifle takes ages to set.

Loads of trifle recipes don't have jelly in them. The ones my family make (and we love a trifle round here) have fruit and about a gallon of booze, but never jelly.

I still think making a dessert at someone else's house when you've said you'll bring a course is weird, especially if they expected you to clear up the mess.

On a related note, I really fancy some trifle now, even though I only had some yesterday that was left over from the one my sister brought round on Boxing Day.

RebelSoldier · 30/12/2016 23:01

Wow many people here are very uptight. I am so happy my friends are accepting and actually like me, and vice versa. So much angst over a trifle! I would have locked the mess up. 'Mmm cream.

RebelSoldier · 30/12/2016 23:01

*licked

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