Friends for dinner - AIBU?

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We had 3 couples over for dinner last night. All local people who were pretty friendly with and see regularly. We all seem to be doing different things on NYE so decided to get together for dinner last night. I said we'd host as we have the space etc... (large conservatory that doubles as a great dining space).

We all agreed to chip in and do a course each. I did the main course, one couple said they'd do the starters, another offered pud and the other ones offered cheese. We've done this, 'shared style' before and it usually works well..

The first couple arrived with the starters, all plated up and ready to serve.
Next couple arrived with a huge cheese board, grapes etc and a bottle of port to go with it.
Third coupe arrive with all the ingredients to make 2 desserts (trifle and a cheesecake.) They wanted to make it in my kitchen which was all nice n clean and ready for guests, candles lit, nibbles out etc etc..

I was really pissed off as it was very last minute and they bloody trashed the place. Cream & dishes all over the place. Did I have a blender etc etc...

I didn't say anything at the time but we were all a bit shocked but I didn't want to ruin the night so let it go.

They've hosted these types of nights before and it's not the normal to prep in the hosts home.. so it's not like they misunderstood...

I asked if they'd had a busy day and the wife of the couple says, no not really we've just been chilling out and watching tele with the kids...

Just thought it was cheeky - AIBU of am I just being a grumpy cow after an absolutely knackering Christmas.. not much chilling in front of the tele been going on here lol !

Wow what an upper class "first world problem" if ever I read one.
Mega snobby

"we were all a bit shocked"

Really? I'd have just rolled with it. I'd have laughed and say "hope you're going to clear up" and forgotten all about it. There's always mess to clear up after a dinner party (glasses, plates, cutlery, ovenware, mess from plating up) and there's no way your kitchen would have been pristine by the end anyway. Chill and enjoy your friends is what I say.

TheMrsD TBH it works on this thread too.

I can understand your frustration - I bet they forgot they were going out and had a bit of a mad scramble at the last minute. It's easily done at this time of year, especially between Christmas and New Year - I've been at work this week, but I bet DH isn't entirely sure what day it is!

Oh, I see I'm in the minority among the ready-to-beoffended!

That would do my head in. We regularly do that, bringing different courses to each others houses and everything is all set to go when it arrives.

Hope your friend is not on here though as will recognise herself straight away!!

Its rude because they didn't clean up after! I would be annoyed at that more than anything else.

This would drive me nuts!

You're not being snobby, it was bloody annoying of them!

However, maybe that had a huge barney all afternoon with one/both threatening not to go etc until they called a truce, grabbed the ingredients and rushed round!

YANBU, this is pretty weird behaviour and would have annoyed me too. Sounds like they forgot to make anything, really.

Trifle travels perfectly well if whoever's in the passenger seat just holds the bowl on their lap. My sister brought a huge one to my house at Christmas and she lives an hour away!

I can totally understand someone asking if they can pop something in the oven or on the hob to warm up - that would be completely understandable. But making the whole thing your kitchen and then not cleaning up is a major liberty! And also just plain weird.

Not the worst thing in the world but it was inconsiderate of them and I wouldn't have been impressed. YANBU.

Is trifle 'upper class'?

What is it with the class obsession over the last few days on MN?

snapcrap I second the idea that they probably had a huge barney. Although in that situation, I would have just grabbed a frozen cheesecake

It is annoying. We have a relative who does this. Her one dish (whatever it is) causes more mess and fuss than everyone else's put together.

I'd got to the point that I was thinking of things she could bring that would short circuit this behaviour and asked her to bring fruit for a barbecue, she brought it all unwashed and sealed in about six hundred little packets and managed to take over the whole kitchen for an hour just washing it and setting it out on a platter.

After that I've always just politely declined any offers of dishes from her. Which means in order to avoid offence I also have to decline offers from anyone else.

Making everything myself is considerably less stressful than watching her faff and inefficiency while I'm trying to get a meal out.

How rude!
I think I would have stopped them to be honest, although I can't think of how I would have achieved that without causing a bit of a scene.
I couldn't just do or say nothing, I'd be raging .

I love that you felt the need to elaborate on having enough space

Other than that YABU, I agree with BitOutOfPractice are you always so easily shocked?

Next time you know not to invite them.

The whole point of the other couples bringing starters, puds and cheese is that they can be cold and completely prepared! The hosting couple make the hot main course that has to be assembled at the time. Are they perhaps just a bit thick?

Oh I dunno really. We had 4 other families round for lunch yesterday and like you I just did the main whole others bought other stuff. One friend did pudding and brought a homemade Xmas pud and the elements to make a trifle which she put together between courses. Think she'd already made jelly. She didn't make much mess or need much help and I absolutely didn't think twice. Just glad she had sorted out plenty of pudding! But then we weren't trying to be too formal and perfect - it was very relaxed. Doing cheesecake too might have been a bit much, but provided she didn't cause major chaos I wouldn't have had a problem. Think you are being a bit uptight to be honest - and the more we can give each other permission to cut unnecessary corners (buy in food, assemble easy things at the last minute) and just relax and enjoy each other's company - the better.

I really want trifle now.

misses point

I don't think her guests unexpected food preparation did much for the OP's sense of relaxation though, irregular.

trifle and cheese cake means you're snobby?

I've just had trifle, Lambshank! (Marks and Spencer's Christmas Upside Down one). Now I want a lamb shank - mmmm!

Float above the chaos bettercauls. Float above it all.

Yanbu. I had a similar situation with vegetarian SIL who wanted to make their "Christmas pie" when they arrived at our house on Christmas morning. (They'd already poo-pooed the vegetarian dish we were planning to make for them). We said to send us the recipe and that we'd happily make it for them but in the end they made it the day before and brought it with them. They were also planning on bringing their own pudding too until I told her I had 2 planned!!!! Who accepts an invite to someone's house on Christmas Day and intends to cook for themselves. Super weird and actually very rude if you ask me.

This would annoy me too.

Our school did a big evening for kids in year 6 - kids put on a performance as well as showing off major projects they did and parents organised a pot luck supper in the school beforehand. I helped organise every year and every bloody year as you and 5 others are frantically setting up tables/settings/food/drinks someone who signed up to bring a salad wanders into the prep area and says "do you have a sharp knife oh and a bowl big enough for this" and proceeds to try to assemble the salad or whatever in the middle of the prep while asking questions etc. When you are asked/offer to bring a dish, you should bring it ready to go. It is not that hard.

Laughing at the idea of a trifle or anything about this scenario being snobby.