Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His inhaler.his responsibility.

122 replies

Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 13:20

Going to sound a unsympathetic old cow I know but this feels like the last straw.

DH cannot be trusted with anything responsible or to look after himself. He's like a child who messes up and expects everyone to run around after him . The list is endless but includes things like driving him to work because he's over the limit the next morning or stopping for his favorite food or beer on my way home from work ( 2 hour commute) because he's hungry.

Yesterday , after a very busy Christmas for me looking after my children and his family we set off for Cornwall. I got through the slog of the festivities because I knew I had this to look forward to.

So we have arrived but his inhaler has run out. In fact in ran out a few weeks ago and he ended up in a mildly distressed way that required a trip to an out of hours pharmacy to get a new one.

So now we have spent our first hour locating a walk in centre and he has to sit and wait ( I'm not surprised and unlike him I would never expect to be seen instantly).

I've judt had to listen to him on the phone explaining to a receptionist that as he's forgotten his inhaler he'd like a new one please right now. He's had the nerve to complain to me thst he's got to see a doctor so has to sit and wait! Honestly he can't even see he's created his own problem and dragged me along with it.

We are no where near our cottage so it's not practical to go and find it ( nothrough even checked in yet).

His mother and sister still treat him like a child. It's no wonder as his wife I left to all but wipe his bum.

So AIBU to not be sympathetic in the slightest and be mad as he'll thst the start of our break is judt like the rest of my life. Running after him.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 30/12/2016 17:13

Does he have a drink problem? It doesnt amtter if his asthma is only "mild" - reactions can change at any time and asthma is life threatening.

akittencalledjesus · 30/12/2016 17:39

I've not quite RTFT, because I had to respond to this comment of yours:

And if I don't cook or put food under his nose he'll drink and drink until he can't stand up. I'm in a very awkward situation because he won't look after himself.

You're not in an awkward position at all, what makes you think you are?

When my parents met, my DF was quite the party animal. Drank, smoked, and didn't look after himself as well as he should. Given that he suffers from epilepsy and is on strong for meds for that, he frequently had attacks. Then he proposed to my DM, who gave him a conditional yes: She refused to become his nurse. He had to take charge of his own wellbeing if he wanted to marry her.

He took charge.

You need to tell him to take charge or take off. You're a wife and friend to him, and a mother only to your kids. You're not a nurse, not a carer, not a mug.

I have a DP on repeat prescriptions. He's perfectly capable of sorting them himself and takes his meds consistently, like a responsible adult.

It's not hard. Time to stand up to his childish and, quite frankly, entitled behaviour. It's people like him who are putting unnecessary pressure on our already struggling NHS.

Original poster
Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 17:50

Still staying classy.

Yes. And for a while it worked. He's a good man when he's on form. He's lapsed. I have big decisions to make.

OP posts:
DailyFail1 · 30/12/2016 17:58

Pharmacists won't wait for a prescription for an inhaler. You will need to pay, but can get it straight away. Boots refilled my ventolin last night as my surgery is now closed until next week.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/12/2016 18:04

It's a cliche and a bad one but he has to want to do it himself to save what he has; you and the love you give him.

Put yourself first from now on, Has he got it in him to do the right thing?

Original poster
Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 21:28

Still classy ... I don't know to be honest. . Still a kitten, thank you too for your post.

We've been in our cottage for a few hours now. I dropped in to my Aunts on the way here and got the usual lists of jobs which is fine and what I expected. I settled into the cottage which husband found on line, its lovely. Remote. Romantic. Only I have spoiled everything by being such a butch. I'm crying on the bed and he's listening to music and ignoring me. Thinking I might take the car tomorrow and leave him to it.

Not sure if it's affected my mood or not but my ex husband re marries to orris. He was a shit as well but happens to be marrying a genuinely good person. Maybe it's me after all. I'm a fucking awful person who can't make any one happy no matter how hard I work or try.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 21:34

Bitch, not butch. Hey hoe. I cooked a lovely meal. Thought I had put today behind us but then he started moaning. I couldn't take it. Masses of tears . I'm hungry. I'm tired. Tea is in the bin . He's down stairs between me and the kitchen. I can't face going down there looking for food. It's like he's won some sort of competion. And now the music has switched to the bloody awful stuff I can't stand. Like he's making a point. His mum has no idea this side of him. If I do leave no doubt I'll be the baddie. But I'm getting too old for this.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 30/12/2016 21:43

Oh bloody hell that's shit. He's bloody shit!
Yes yes to clearing off in the car tomorrow. Leave him to fend for himself. You're being pulled in every direction and no-one is looking after you. I get that.
If he carries on being a twat when you get back tomorrow then bugger off for good and leave him in a remote cottage Grin Go to your aunts or something.
Just stop allowing him to treat you like this.

Original poster
Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 21:45

Thanks rainbow. Genuinely exhausted. Was looking forward to this trip to fix everything. Feel so stupid now. I'm a strong person and I'll be fine. Right now though I feel a bit done in. Tomorrow is another day as they say. X

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2016 21:49

Sod him. He is a spoilt bully. Pack your stuff, get into the car and book into a travelodge or premier inn for the night. Stay with your aunt or in the hotel after that and leave him to hitchhike home.
Name one way he makes your life better?

Original poster
Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 21:56

I've had bit more time to read these replies and I'm greatful for all of them. Newnn too. Lots I could reply to personally but for now I'm greatful I'm not alone in my feelings. I can't reach out to anyone irl.Mums net is a huge support right now. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 22:03

Chaz. Right now I can't. I used to be able to. Maybe it's me. He's says I'm too upright but with everything I have going on I need to be organised. It feels like thst if I miss something it gets missed full stop. To much pressure.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 30/12/2016 22:03

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with an alcoholic, asthmatic, man child who has shit taste in music?

Stop cooking for him, getting his prescriptions for him, driving him around when he's decided to drink. Just stop.

Original poster
Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 22:06

Chipped. Ha ha. Thanks. genuinely thanks for that accurate summary. Made me laugh in a good way. Xxxxxxxx

OP posts:
Kidnapped · 30/12/2016 22:24

In your OP, you talked about 'my children'.

Do you mean that they are not his children?

Are they older children who do not live with you?

Original poster
Whathappendexactly · 30/12/2016 22:32

Kidnapped. The children are mine from my firest marriage. But they are not grown up, still school age. Thry mostly live with their Dad in term time as the best schools are in his catchment. This means for a great deal of time after the commute ( 2 hours each way) and my dad I do have time to sort his stuff out. Christmas was full on as I had my children for the holidays ( as I always do to make up for the rest of term time). I also see my children once in the week for dinner which accounts for one of the work/ child visit commutes. I don't mind my family commitments I jus t resent it when he could help himself.

OP posts:
spongebob5 · 30/12/2016 22:35

Can I ask, what does he bring to the relationship?

PerspicaciaTick · 30/12/2016 22:44

You've spoiled everything?? Shock

You've spoiled everything?? Shock Shock

My jaw is well and truly dropped.

He behaves like an arse all day and somehow you are the one upstairs, in tears and blaming yourself??

I find that absolutely shocking TBH.

ThighBrows · 30/12/2016 23:19

cant make anyone happy no matter how hard I try
Stop this nonsense, you're not helping yourself by martyring yourself, you're not an awful person, your shitty leech of a husband is, he clearly is not trying in any aspect. I have a martyr for a parent and it's really tedious to endure for a lifetime. Put your big girl knickers on and shift that deadweight nob out of your life. What's the fucking point of him?

The sole point of a relationship is to enhance your life. It's meant to be fun. You deserve so much better. Having paper cuts for 24 hours, or a nail infection, or explosive diarrhoea are all things that are more enjoyable than this sham. Time for a better life, you can do it!

Shakirasma · 30/12/2016 23:33

Your husband is a real prick. Don't waste your life on a prick, it's far too short.

Peanutandphoenix · 31/12/2016 05:28

I think it's time you LTB he is an overgrown man child and you need to stop doing hell and all for him.

Clandestino · 31/12/2016 06:50

Sorry but sound like a martyr. Is it you who says you spoilt everything or him? You can't have responsibility for him but you sure as hell need to take responsibility for your own actions. Right now you are enabling a spoilt brat but instead of really having a problem, you come across as relishing the slap in the face it gives you because you can return to your nice cosy comfort zone where you are the only one who does something and your DH only takes. Very nice and simple black and white.

ScarletForYa · 31/12/2016 07:11

OP I had a shithead ex like this.

I left. Eventually. I really regret the wasted time.

The only thing I brought away from the relationship was the realisation that:

There are no prizes for the best doormat

You're putting in huge amounts of work. For nothing. The love and care that you think you're earning, aren't coming.

I'm sorry.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 31/12/2016 08:04

There are no prizes for the best doormat

What Scarlet said.

OP, my Dad has a myriad of health problems, asthma, angina diabetes and post heart attack survivor. He's on a cocktail of drugs, lives on his own, works full time and still manages to reorder his repeat prescriptions on time.

Asthma can kill and he needs to start taking responsibility for himself. On the issue of the drink. It is likely this could be making his asthma worse? I'm only asking because the last time I was in hospital, a bedridden lady and a lady on oxygen were both sent home as they needed the beds for two new patients. Both who had issues with drink but were in for their asthma. One lady was even telling the doc that she only had one drink a week until the doc pointed out the scan of her liver said otherwise! Grin

Agree with Thighbrows too OP. You are not to blame and it's not you making others unhappy. He's not unhappy, he's sulking like my 7yo often does if he doesn't get his own way. It's childish.

topcat2014 · 31/12/2016 08:10

I agree with almost all comments - but glad you are getting the inhaler sorted. Sounds trivial, but asthma can be a killer if not controlled.

Keep persisting with 'brown' inhalers till he finds one that works. I had to change mine a few times. Now, with regular use, like a PP, don't need my blue ones unless I am about to go running.

Swipe left for the next trending thread