Shopping with DS wheelchair…just sounding off as I am fed up today

[Livingtothefull]

1. I went to the supermarket in the big town near us last week with DS (16) who is in a wheelchair….went to look for a wheelchair trolley, found just one which was broken.

Waited at customer service desk while they checked if there was another one available. Waited for a long time….DS got agitated with the waiting (he has learning difficulties). Eventually they confirmed there was no other wheelchair trolley in the store, despite it being a large branch of a big, household-name supermarket.

Without a wheelchair trolley I can't do my shopping as I can't push a normal trolley or carry a basket and manoeuvre the wheelchair at the same time. So in the end they had to send a member of staff with me to assist me.

1. Went shopping again with DS today in another branch of the same supermarket. Again just one wheelchair trolley which was broken so same thing again.

I don't think it's too much to ask that I can just come to the supermarket, get a trolley and do my shopping like everyone else, without having to wait around for a solution because the one suitable trolley is missing or out of action.

DS likes travelling on the bus (there are limited things in life for him to enjoy but he does enjoy bus journeys) so I agreed to get the bus home with him. The bus turned up but the driver didn't open the side doors or drop the ramp down for us. So I went to speak to him while the other passengers were getting on:

Me: 'Could you let us on the bus at the side doors please?'
Driver: 'Sorry no there's no space for you'.
Me: 'There's lots of space, we need the wheelchair space.'
Driver: 'There's a buggy on board'.
Me: 'But that's a wheelchair space, wheelchairs have priority'.
Driver: 'No the buggy got on before you and she already paid for her ticket, and that's that.'

and drove off. He didn't even ask the people with the buggy to make space btw.

I had to wait for the next bus to come, this had a much larger buggy on board but the driver let me on and the mother with the buggy happily made space…no need for her to get off the bus.

What upsets me about this is: the odds are that most busy buses will have at least one buggy so if every bus driver took the same attitude as the first one, DS & I could easily be there all night. Also DS may have a meltdown if he is forced to wait to long and believe me his meltdowns aren't pretty (have posted previously about these).

I am having a rant and I know all this sounds really negative but please try to put yourselves in my shoes?

Name and shame op, we could even look at a mn campaign.

URNBU at all. Thanks for explaining so eloquently. And thanks for doing what I know is a great job with yr DS. If I were you, if I had time I might email bus company and supermarkets in the hope of getting a better response next time.

andrewof No I don't mean dropped kerbs outside someone's driveway. I mean in a Main Street. The ones with studs are usually at pelicans / zebras and I email the County Council regularly about the badly laid ones in our nearest town. There's such a lip as the paving has moved its hard to get an adult in a wheelchair over it. Those crossings are very spread out though. Trying to cross a high street at other points or cross over side streets is where you come unstuck. Have a look next time you're out, especially in "historic" towns paving can really rattle your teeth!

I haven't mentioned the supermarket in question though its name hints at what DS & I have to do a lot of, whenever we go there.

Waitrose? Clever clue!

I'm sorry you have to put up with this crap. My mobility is decreasing rapidly and I keep walking around looking at all the places that aren't accessible to people who can't walk, or even just can't climb stairs. It's a scary world through that lens.

This is bloody outrageous, I know how fustrating it is being at a bus driver's mercy when it comes to getting about as am frequently not allowed to get myself to work / son to nursery due to a gaggle of school kids stood in the wheelchair area and that's because of a pram. But to do this to a disabled person is absolutely diabolical. A friend of mine works at change.org and could maybe help set up a campaign about the trollies or bus situation - PM me if you would like more details. I also wanted to say you sound like a fantastic, strong mum.

Molly that is a great idea and something we could all write letters. It might not affect everyone now. But everyone can be aware and everyone could take a few minutes to write.
to supermarkets about accessibility. not blocking aisles not hanging milk chocolate on the free from aisles! having enough trolleys.
to bus and train companies
the dropped kerb thing is a huge issue. my sister uses an electric wheelchair. she can't go out in it. she has to cross a busy road to go anywhere but would need to be in the middle of the road in order to have enough space to turn and get up the dropped kerb 20 meters or so from the opposite one.
we could all make some noise showing we support and care about equality and accessibility.

Shops, councils and attractions to have changing facilities suitable for adults. Bristol zoo have

Oh yes family outings to the lift rather than those that can using the stairs/escalator.

some places are fantastic though and I do think generally attitudes are improving. We went to Windsor castle this year and ds was literally treated like royalty. They have a network of "behind the scenes" lifts and staff to make sure everywhere is accessible!

It just gets so bloody exhausting doesn't it? Please let us help you with a twitter campaign - is it Waitrose? Its not against the guidelines is it to name them?

Understood officerhrinka and I will watch out for that. One of those things that you don't notice unless it affects you.

Living my sister is going to ask if there is any official guidelines tomorrow.

Yanbu on any of your points. I work with people with disabilities so I get your frustration at seemingly simple things being so much more difficult. Definitely complain and I would be tempted to photograph the bus driver too.

I'm sorry these things happened and I'm even sorrier that they're regular occurrences. I'm not disabled but I know that many people (me included if I'm honest) can see disabled people as 'other' and can distance themselves from the difficulties and barriers. There's a long way to go to achieve equality. I do my best and I know many other people do but there's a long way to go. Lame as it is, I'm sorry.

This reminds me of the big Boots in town where the lifts are always broken so obviously no wheelchair access or prams. There's a certain amount of irony in that the second floor has the baby stuff...

FWIW, my partner is training to be a bus driver and while they can't ask people to get off to make room for a wheelchair, they're taught to at the very least ask.

Also, this might be regional, but if you can't get on bus no 1, bus driver finds out where bus no 2 is. If you still aren't able to get on when the second bus gets there, the bus driver can order a taxi for you and obviously the company pays.

Even if it doesn't happen in your area, at least maybe it shows things are slowly changing.

Have been using a wheelchair since 2010, it's like a different universe. Discrimination is shockingly rife.

I am always surprised at how shocked people are when they see/experience this level of discrimination for the first time.

Colleagues who worked in a building for 5 years didn't notice there were no disabled parking spaces but hundreds of other spaces. - just one example, but there is always this expectation from able bodied that x is illegal so doesn't happen.

I've lost my last 3 jobs due to discrimination but can't shake off the feeling that others hear this and think it must be my fault somehow. £££'s in payoffs from them are the only proof and comfort that I have. They wouldn't have paid me 1p if they were in the right, but it I still don't have a job.

Meh I think it's very easy to being able bodied for granted.

Mehfruittea I reckon most abled bodied people notice stuff like this when it affects them- so narrow aisles when you have a pram.

I only noticed how badly designed an asda car park was when I had SPD in pregnancy and realised I wouldn't be able to walk from the so called disabled parking spaces! In their defence, they've redesigned it and it's now actually functional.

NB- I was obviously not entitled to use the disabled parking space, just noticed where they were.

I use a small general provisions shop with a central island block of shelving which makes the aisles impassable to wheelchairs and prams - but the business would probably not be viable without the shelf space and choice which that allows for. What is the owner supposed to do?

Sirzy that famIly using the lift could be mine, I often can't manage the stairs because if pain and my children have autism and are too panicy about escalators. Most disabilities arn't visable and your assumptions are disablist.

I do think disabled aids in supermarkets should be signed in and out.

That way the right user are using them and not being vandalised.

Sunshine I appreciate that. But when 8 people from one family get in the lift I somehow doubt they all need it.

I would never say anything to anyone and I am fully aware of hidden disabilities but that doesn't change that fact that SOME people use things like lifts when they don't need to making it harder for people with disabilities.

Not ideal but maybe try shopping online. Just a lot less hassle. I did this when I was in a wheelchair as negotiating supermarkets/pavements/public transport etc hurt my brain.

Re supermarket - I have twins (totally different situation to you but bear with me). Lidl didn't have double seats so the one time I visited I had to sit them in the trolley putting food on the seat. Needless to say, with 2 18month olds I couldn't fit much in so just bought the essentials. Manager wasn't interested but I emailed head office and 6 months later they had double trolleys. Take it to the top. You have enough on without shopping being an unnecessary nightmare!

Not all families who use the lifts can have hidden disabilities!

No but you can't tell who do and who don't. Many disabilities are genetic. And I would take my non disabled dh on the lift to help manage our kids. So that's 4 of us, if we ever have another child they would likely inherit disabilities, my best friend who has numerous mh problems sometimes helps us too. That'd be five of us. Ofcourse not everyone using lifts have hidden disabilities but it's twaty to make any assumption and whether or not you are saying something doesn't matter much if you are still being judgement and letting it out here. Because plenty of us read it here too.