Shopping with DS wheelchair…just sounding off as I am fed up today

[Livingtothefull]

1. I went to the supermarket in the big town near us last week with DS (16) who is in a wheelchair….went to look for a wheelchair trolley, found just one which was broken.

Waited at customer service desk while they checked if there was another one available. Waited for a long time….DS got agitated with the waiting (he has learning difficulties). Eventually they confirmed there was no other wheelchair trolley in the store, despite it being a large branch of a big, household-name supermarket.

Without a wheelchair trolley I can't do my shopping as I can't push a normal trolley or carry a basket and manoeuvre the wheelchair at the same time. So in the end they had to send a member of staff with me to assist me.

1. Went shopping again with DS today in another branch of the same supermarket. Again just one wheelchair trolley which was broken so same thing again.

I don't think it's too much to ask that I can just come to the supermarket, get a trolley and do my shopping like everyone else, without having to wait around for a solution because the one suitable trolley is missing or out of action.

DS likes travelling on the bus (there are limited things in life for him to enjoy but he does enjoy bus journeys) so I agreed to get the bus home with him. The bus turned up but the driver didn't open the side doors or drop the ramp down for us. So I went to speak to him while the other passengers were getting on:

Me: 'Could you let us on the bus at the side doors please?'
Driver: 'Sorry no there's no space for you'.
Me: 'There's lots of space, we need the wheelchair space.'
Driver: 'There's a buggy on board'.
Me: 'But that's a wheelchair space, wheelchairs have priority'.
Driver: 'No the buggy got on before you and she already paid for her ticket, and that's that.'

and drove off. He didn't even ask the people with the buggy to make space btw.

I had to wait for the next bus to come, this had a much larger buggy on board but the driver let me on and the mother with the buggy happily made space…no need for her to get off the bus.

What upsets me about this is: the odds are that most busy buses will have at least one buggy so if every bus driver took the same attitude as the first one, DS & I could easily be there all night. Also DS may have a meltdown if he is forced to wait to long and believe me his meltdowns aren't pretty (have posted previously about these).

I am having a rant and I know all this sounds really negative but please try to put yourselves in my shoes?

Sorry living I know my local store doesn't affect you, I just meant if one shop can have a decent stock of them they all can iyswim.

YNBU, I'm an occasional wheelchair user and almost every time we go somewhere I end up firing off a few emails when I get home. Shops with aisles that are too narrow or full of extra fitments, locked doors at the top of access ramps and as for trying to get into lifts....
My kids are the ones who take me and they have a particular bugbear about drop kerbs one side if the road being nowhere near a dropped kerb on the other side.
It's infuriating but I feel it's important to keep niggling away at those who fail to provide decent access, one day it might get through.

Disgraceful behaviour, please don't let this go, make the phonecalls, I'm sorry that your day has been so stressful, shame on the supermarket and horrible bus driver.

Sorry OP should of said if you do decide to go down the twitter route (not sure if it is the same as facebook) make sure you include the names of the CEO/owner and also use a couple of hashtags.

WhatLizzyDid thank you

Keep complaining, it's the only way for things to get better. Which they do; it's not so long since there were no wheelchair trolleys and all buses were physically inaccessible to wheelchair users.

Soubriquet I get similar, and have given similar responses.

When my mum was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, the number of people who assumed she had LDs or assumned she might be deaf (judging by the SLOOOOWWW and LOUD way of talking to her) astonished me.

Normally, she was very self-effacing, but the broken leg left her feeling grumpy, and she responded to these people very sharply. I'd love to think it made these people think, but suspect that it didn't and that they are still inflicting their prejudices out on someone else.

OP that sounds shit for both of you. I agree you should complain, but wish you didn't have to.

Waitrose? Bloody hell - this is appalling.
I agree with taking to social media - and how about getting the local press involved too - they would love this story.
Best of luck to you.

I'm so sorry. You absolutely should not have to put up with that sort of thing.

I know that people love to America bash on Mumsnet, but disabled access and rights are light years ahead here.

I agree completely. The US really puts the UK to shame in terms of accessibility and the rights of the disabled.

This is disability discrimination.When you write to them, Livingtothefull tell them they are in breach of the The Equality Act 2010.

This is disability discrimination.When you write to them, Livingtothefull tell them they are in breach of the The Equality Act 2010.

Ops sorry posted twice

I own one just like this !!!! He's only 7!!!
Bahhhhh .... I just deal with the shit !!! Lucky DS is sooooooo adorable

So poor from both the bus company & the supermarket!

Definitely complain to the head office of both as you and your DS deserve better

OP, I'm sorry you've had a shit day. I work with LD adults and have ASD myself and a particular company they go to absolutely welcomes them during term time but when it comes to the school holidays - it's like they don't want them there. Do report the driver as it sounds like he needs some training. I thought people had to vacate the disabled space on buses if a wheelchair needed to use it. for you, OP.

Thanks Unborn...Asda sounds really good though unfortunately no branch near me. I haven't mentioned the supermarket in question though its name hints at what DS & I have to do a lot of, whenever we go there.

And yes you're right, if one supermarket can manage to have a good stock of wheelchair trolleys then so can they all. I complained to the manager today that there was no excuse for having several trolleys so if one of them broke (as is liable to happen) we are not left high & dry.

Yes officerhinrika it feels like whenever we go out, there are issues that we need to complain about when we get back. The buses & wheelchair trolleys are only part of it; oh yes lifts!

I know it's a free country…but HOW i wish people would just think and would avoid using lifts during the busiest shopping times, unless they are elderly/infirm/have buggies, wheelchairs or heavy shopping. The times we have waited & waited as lift after lift has gone & everyone has refused to let us on, and in the end we have just given up.

No dropped kerbs….have found myself in the road unable to get DS wheelchair onto the pavement & been hooted at by drivers.

It would take just a little consideration, people putting themselves in our shoes, for these things to be turned round. That is the very frustrating thing. There are many people who really put themselves out for the disabled, bend over backwards to be helpful and want to see the rights of the disabled upheld (this thread proves that).

Then there are the many people who don't give a damn; or, worse, are actively hostile towards the disabled. I don't doubt this is the case as DS & I have been on the receiving end of some truly nasty & hostile treatment.

Eg DS school bus has twice been shot at by an air gun, luckily none of the children hurt. There is no mistaking it was a vehicle for the disabled as it was an adapted bus with a big wheelchair symbol etc. I am convinced that it was targeted deliberately but was told by family that I was being paranoid; I asked them how often they got shot at by air guns? Its not exactly an everyday occurrence for most of us; so maybe the school bus was just unlucky?

So these are examples of the experience of the disabled & carers, and why I feel like ranting. Then when I complain about it I am often told that I am 'moaning' or 'exaggerating'; I am sensitive to this potential response as I have received it previously hence my initial post, I am so relieved that posters here have been supportive.

Only cherry people with disabilities have children too you know- they need to have baby change facilities to change their babies too.

I have hidden disabilities, as do both my children. I am very blunt and when challenged on why we are using disabled toilets or they are publicly melting down I quite curtly explain the nature if our hidden disabilities and their ignorance. Most people arn't comfortable sharing medical details though, and they shouldn't have to, but constantly I get people challenging me and I am flippant at the best of times. I don't want my kids growing up ashamed of their disability.

Sorry you had a shitty day op

Sorry you had such a shit day, Living. If you have the energy, do complain. Since complaining to our local bus company about treatment of sn buggies, our bus journeys have been less fraught!

Cherrydot, whilst I agree about the baby changing facilities in disabled loos - my big bugnear us that there ate changing facilities for babies but not for older children and adults who need changing, meaning having to be changed on a dirty, often wet, toilet floor with their head wedged next to the toilet. it means a disabled person doesn't have to put up with the stink of an overflowing bin of baby shit. disabled toilets should be fully accessible changing-places toilets, which I am afraid would still have a nappy disposal bin!

Sorry sunshine, should have added - the changing facilities are often inaccessible to those parents with disabilities, who use a wheelchair - which is why changing places toilets have height adjustable changing tables.

Did you mean to address that to me?

Dropped kerbs. Do you mean the sort meant for general use, usually with with studs, or the sort at the end of a drive?

I have the second sort, and obviously if a wheelchair user needs to cross the road and finds that it's the easiest place to reach the tarmac - quite possible because it's close to a bus-stop - that's fine: but there isn't a dropped kerb opposite because nobody has ever asked for one for a drive there.

The first sort are another matter: of course they should be properly co-ordinated and not doing so is blatant incompetence.

So sorry you had such a difficult time OP

I too experience rubbish like this, being a wheelchair user....have tried to go on trains in my electric wheelchair and the ramps they use are so steep, that I was terrified of tipping backwards and then forwards, getting on and off. Just to make it even more uncomfortable, the wheelchair space is in the corridor - right outside the toilet!!

Have also been asked by a checkout person, what was wrong with me and why I was in a wheelchair. When I told her, she said 'you look to glamorous to be in a wheelchair'!! WTH?!! Does that mean that I can't wear make-up, do my nails or have my hair styled because I am disabled??

Yes Sunshine, I realise you have hidden disabilities, but I was just re iterating what you were saying about parent's with disabilities needing to change their babies (but the current situation, where the changing facilities aren't designed with disabilities in mind, are not a lot of good to a lot of disabled people)

Sorry, if I was being confusing.

there is better awareness of those rights

I don't know what could be clearer than signs stating

"This space is designated by law for the use of wheelchairs. However, when it is not required for that purpose, and at the discretion of the driver, it may be used by approved mobility scooters, small prams and unfolded buggies." or similar.

Maybe some people just can't read.

I'll admit to being ignorant. I thought there would be a legal minimum. Sadly it doesn't seem to be the case. It sounds very much like discrimination to me.