Wwyd - toddler choosing 'girls' shoes..

[Sassypants82]

I'm sure variations of this have been done before but here goes: my DS is 2.5 & drawn to bright, sparkly, interesting things. Last time we were buying shoes, he chose a pink pair of trainers, with a large sparkly purple heart on each side. I told him there were none left in his size. He then asked for a purple pair of boots while I was waiting for the 'boys' trainers I'd chosen to come out from the store room. I made another excuse & bought my choice & he looked a little bit disappointed. Leaving the shop I felt strange & wrong in my gut that I'd done that. Anyway, needless to say, there were no ill effects. My reason for not allowing the girls shoes was mainly if an older child teased him. He attends a nursery with after schoolers. He would not recognise being teased but still didn't want to risk it. He is now due more shoes & while in a shop yesterday asked me for pink ones again. We didn't get any but will need to in the next few weeks.

Just to add, he has a selection of toys which would be considered traditionally 'boys' & 'girls' toys & I usually allow him to pick the colour of whatever we may be buying for him, bedclothes, cups etc. He loves to have his nails painted which I do etc. I have no issues with any of that but felt the shoes, worn in public was a step to far..

Should I let him choose next time or is potentially protecting him from being teased more important?

If it helps, in my experience working with younger children, the boys are just as happy to play with so called 'girls' toys or dress up in pink and no one really cares, except some of the parents. The boys are just as attracted to sparkly pretty things as many of the girls because no one has yet taught them that they shouldn't be. I find that quite refreshing. In addition, I quite often see men out and about in pink and no one seems to care.

I would have bought him the shoes, simply because there are many many years ahead where he may feel pressured to conform to whatever stereotypes are out there, why not try to reinforce that the little things that make you happy may not always meet with approval from others, but the popular opinion isn't always the right one.

Kids will tease you for anything, your hair, clothes, the way you walk. I was bullied for having full lips. But in school there were plenty of kids who didn't conform and it was confidence in themselves that kept the bullies away.

Buy the shoes.

I think on the surface it's easy to say let the boy get the pink sparkly shoes but there is definitely still a stigma attached to it. Even if he isn't bothered by it then he could be reased by the older children. I think at 2.5 he might not be bothered by that so much but it depends on how sensitive he is. I know my daughter was upset at age 3 when one of the other girls in nursery made fun of her for wearing a 'boys' Spider-Man t shirt.

I think a girl wanting to wear boy clothes and shoes is easier to deal with than a boy wanting girl things. A girl is just classed as a tom boy but for some stupid reason boys get a much harder time over it . I would love to say let him get the pink sparkly shoes but I do get where you are coming from.

Could you compromise with buying some pink sparkly shoe laces or these little wing things you attach to laces. It might be enough to pacify his desire for pink sparkle and can easily be swapped out if he changes his mind.

Another thought is a lot of brands tend to make boys shoes wider than girls shoes so you could struggle to get him girls shoes to fit properly anyway (especially if he has wide feet).

Boys' stuff is very much unisex, but stuff that supposedly make a girl "pretty", just looks daft on a boy -- all those frilly, lacy bits and like.
My ds2 had a taste for some 'girly' themes, like hello kitty or frozen, and it was difficult to find items which would be somewhat unisex.

Nat

Tbh, girls look just as silly. Especially in pink. I (internally!) cringe whenever somebody gives us something for DD in pink. I know, it used to be for boys etc. But the colour is just so pig-ish in my personal opinion.

Ok, this won't go down well. I'd never let (if I had one), my toddler son wear pink shoes. I can't explain why, but I wouldn't. It may be a generation thing (I'm a 52 year old mum of a 12 year old DD).
DD at two, had red shoes or navy. I once relented and let her get wellies with trains on (instead of butterfies).
I'm clearly in the minority (and accept that), I can't change how I feel. DD did wear "boys" colours like navy dungarees(with a pink teddy on), but I just felt I wanted her to look like a girl, not a boy.
(She did have a Fisher Price car garage though, if that helps).

I wouldn't let my 2.5 yr old girl choose the girls shoes, because they are impractical and not robust. I wouldn't take her into a shoe shop where I know most of the choices won't meet my approval as don't want to quash her choices. I order her more gender neutral shoes online usually as the ones in the shops are ridiculously gendered.

I believe in letting children wear whatever they want.
As long as it's warm enough, won't damage their feet etc, obviously.

I'd also let DD wear pink. Although I do dislike that colour. Lilac is lovely. But (soft) pink? Why do people want to look like a little pig? (Just a personal opinion, btw)

My 16yo DS has bright pink football boots and a bright pink football training kit. He's very manly and built like a tank, and never gets bullied - he just likes pink

It's hardly the same though unless your ds also has a pink coat and pink 'standard' trainers.

My ds1 (8) also has bright pink football boots and gloves - it's because the bright, neon pink is cool and what plenty of footballers wear - not because he generally 'likes pink'. I can only imagine the look he would give me if I bought him a pair of standard pink girls trainers.

My DGD used to love going around in his sister's dressing up high heels - what the heck.

Pink has long been rehabilitated into male fashion. Its a big difference if a boy wears pink boys' stuff and if he'd wear any other colour, but feminine items

Never bought pink and sparkly anything for dsd as a toddler because I didn't want her wearing it. I know it's in fashion now to let toddlers dress themselves but I personally think there's nothing wrong with parents, well, parenting every now and again especially when their choices might hurt them. The same parents who let their kids express themselves however they want are then the same parents who have to keep picking up the pieces when kids get bullied. If you can stop the cycle now then great.

Issue is with gendered clothing not necessarily pink or even sparkly.

My DD loves pink sparkly shoes and so does my GS. Even though he is only 2.5yo he knows his own mind when it comes to shoes and will show them to everyone. He's only ever had positive, admiring comments when he has shown off his shoes.

What if your son turns out to be gay or transgendered? This might be an important first step in expressing his true identity. Your allowing freedom of expression without judgement now could be the most important message you give to your child.

If I am honest, I wouldn't entertain the idea of my son wearing sparkly shoes and would definitely steer him towards the more traditional boys shoes (avoiding any ghastly ones with aeroplanes /robots/dinosaurs/lights!). I wouldn't want him to be picked on by others.

I veto shoe choices. Shoes are expensive and need to be practical and work with a large range of outfits. My DCs have a main pair of shoes, a pair of trainers and something seasonal like sandals, so that main pair of shoes needs to be chosen with care, and a colour like pink that clashes with many other colours, and the girly styles aren't fit for my intended purposes and I would not part with £32+ on an impractical toddler's whim regardless of my child's sex.

If it's a £5 pair of wellies that exist to be caked in mud, then there is no practical difference and I would be less fussed, or a detail such as pink flashes on trainers.

My 3 year old loves raiding my nail varnish and is thrilled with his purple dolls pram for Christmas. Generally, I've no issue with him making choices outside of male pigeonholes, because very few of those choices have a practical implications or are a commitment to daily use.

My 6 year old wears shorts about 350 days of the year. Mostly that preference is facilitated by providing him with long socks that manage most cooler days, but in the coldest weather, I have to intervene for practical reasons and insist on trousers for his well being. (He's actually had a pair of "girls" shorts that had a shorter style and a pink button and have just had to retire them after 2+ years despite the waist still fitting as they definitely look like odd hotpants in winter use as his legs are too long now).

My DD (nearly 6) has worn only 'boys' shoes since she was your DS's age and she will only wear 'boys' clothes too. I think she is slightly socially isolated as a result, but it's who she is. I'm ashamed to say i would feel more uncomfortable if my DS insisted on overtly 'girly' shoes, mainly, due to the comments and disapproval that would come our way.
If you feel too uncomfortable could you buy 2 pairs in the sale? Or you could buy a measuring guage and give him a choice of shoes that you have preselected online?

Get him the shoes. My son's favourite colour is pink. When he started school at four he stated so, "My favourite colour is pink!" And some boys in his class did respond " but that's a girls colour" .
"Well I like pink" he said, resolutely.

I'd like to think I'd let him have them, however in reality I don't think I would...just for the reasons you say really, I'd worry about him being teased. My son loved dressing up in his sisters princess dresses and play shoes got some very cute pictures of them together as toddlers!

I choose my children's shoes. Because I pay for them. At that ages they only had clarks shoes. Now they have several pairs. Still my choice though! Although I do sometimes (for party shoes or trainers) narrow it down to 2 pairs and let them choose!
I think OPs reasoning is accurate, though a little sad! :-(

I wouldn't, because they'd look silly & make me look stupid and 'try hard' - in the real world, not Mumsnetworld.

No issues with boys wearing an Elsa dress, tutu, carrying a pink wand or having a doll & pram etc things they've clearly chosen to wear or bring themselves, but not something that I, as their Mum, have chosen to buy and let them wear as a basic item for the season.

My DS is just 4 - his wellies are currently purple sparkly frozen Ines. Clearly intended for girls. I do sympathise despite always saying that gendered stuff is stupid I did have pangs of 'oh but they're girls shoes'. But I kept my mouth shut, showed him the dinosaur boots (that I'd have wanted as a gold!) and let him make the choice. I've had a few but only from adults - which I think says a lot!

Not the same but my OH is very in touch with his feminine side and I often buy him things from the women's section. Obviously not underwear and stuff, just pink pumps and t-shirt I know would suit him. The only person who takes the Mickey out of him is his grandad who is of the generation where men dress like men. We are a very individual looking family (I like to clash colours and patterns) and teach our children to go with a style they feel happy in rather than what others are wearing. So my advice is buy the shoes and watch your DS's confidence and personality shine

I wouldn't let him have them as his main shoes just as i wouldn't let my daughter. I like them both to wear practical hard wearing shoes with soles that are supportive but flexible. (Bobux are excellent) so they get boots in the winter, sandals in the summer. Pink or sparkly shoes are for parties only and even then it's hard to find options which are also decent footwear.

But my decisions wouldn't be based on gender, just decent footwear.

My dd is 7 and into dinosaurs in a big way. We can only ever find Dino clothing in the boys section. We found a pink tshirt with a dinosaur on in George. It was a £1 in the sale section. There were dozens so I bought a couple in different sizes. While I was happy I also felt it was a bit of a shame. It was a boys tshirt in a "girly" colour with "boyish" design. Far too out there for some Stopfordians. :o