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Original poster

Wwyd - toddler choosing 'girls' shoes..

127 replies

Sassypants82 · 29/12/2016 08:31

I'm sure variations of this have been done before but here goes: my DS is 2.5 & drawn to bright, sparkly, interesting things. Last time we were buying shoes, he chose a pink pair of trainers, with a large sparkly purple heart on each side. I told him there were none left in his size. He then asked for a purple pair of boots while I was waiting for the 'boys' trainers I'd chosen to come out from the store room. I made another excuse & bought my choice & he looked a little bit disappointed. Leaving the shop I felt strange & wrong in my gut that I'd done that. Anyway, needless to say, there were no ill effects. My reason for not allowing the girls shoes was mainly if an older child teased him. He attends a nursery with after schoolers. He would not recognise being teased but still didn't want to risk it. He is now due more shoes & while in a shop yesterday asked me for pink ones again. We didn't get any but will need to in the next few weeks.

Just to add, he has a selection of toys which would be considered traditionally 'boys' & 'girls' toys & I usually allow him to pick the colour of whatever we may be buying for him, bedclothes, cups etc. He loves to have his nails painted which I do etc. I have no issues with any of that but felt the shoes, worn in public was a step to far..

Should I let him choose next time or is potentially protecting him from being teased more important?

OP posts:
mummypig14 · 29/12/2016 09:42

I wouldn't let him have the girls ones.

At 2.5 my DS would go crazy for something in a shop, 5 minutes after we've got home it would be forgotten about.

I choose all of his clothes, so just buy him shoes thy are practical and go with everything.

There is a huge difference in him pointing to something sparkly on the shelf and you actually puthing pink sparkly shoes on him for the next 6 months to a year. I think he'll look back on photos and think your barmy.

Only1scoop · 29/12/2016 09:45

At 2.5 I'd do the choosing.

Threesoundslikealot · 29/12/2016 09:46

Girls and boys feet are pretty much the same size at 2. There are very few differences anatomically. There is no reason why shoes should be gendered - just correctly fitted to the individual feet.

Sassy he sounds fabulous!

Original poster
Sassypants82 · 29/12/2016 09:57

Thanks three. Obviously I'm biased but he's absolutely amazing & I feel very lucky every day. Star

OP posts:
DownAmongtheElves · 29/12/2016 10:21

but felt the shoes, worn in public was a step to far

A step to far towards what? Are you worried some random person might think he's a girl? How utterly awfully terrible. To be mistaken for a girl.

Why are women so self-hating?

Rainydayspending · 29/12/2016 10:36

Luckymucky: girls and boys shoes come in a range of width fittings. Hmm do you think girls feet are all narrower?

It sucks that it's "ok" for a girl to like something targeted at boys but for a boy to do the same is this embarassing / concerning for his parent. Noone ever commented on my girls wearing from the "boys" section. But if i put my son in a pink and blue sleepsuit (from a boys range as it happens) I am apparently attention grabbing.

SVJAA · 29/12/2016 10:37

There are some unisex light up trainers on eBay that I got for all of ours. They satisfy the "drawn to sparkly stuff" while avoiding teasing. I'll see if I can find the link.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 29/12/2016 10:48

My 16yo DS has bright pink football boots and a bright pink football training kit. He's very manly and built like a tank, and never gets bullied - he just likes pink.

Yura · 29/12/2016 10:56

my son mostly wears girl's shoes as they come narrower. no pink as i hate the colour, but purple, red with butterflies, you name it.
he's 4, plays football, loves cars and has never been teased

ToastyFingers · 29/12/2016 12:03

What size feet does your son have? if you wanted I could send you some of dd mostly unworn, outgrown shoes I'm going to have a clear out in the new year and as dd didn't walk properly till she was two, a lot of them are hardly worn.

MollyHuaCha · 29/12/2016 12:06

Ridiculous of manufacturers to produce so much girls' and boys' stuff.

Niloufes · 29/12/2016 12:11

I hate pre-gendered clothing for kids. Let him have the shoes he wants as long as they are practical. I hate all the "girls" open toed shoes in winter, waste of time, totally impractical as the feet always get wet so am very happy that DD wants the brown sturdy boots in the "boys" section. Its easy for me to say this having a girl, but if I had a boy I would probably find it a bit difficult at first but would know that I would have to just get on with it for the reasons others have given above.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 29/12/2016 12:44

I think it is perfectly normal for a small boy to love sparkly things. I'm sure you have been showing him the lovely twinkly Christmas lights. Why the hell wouldn't he want the same on his feet.

Keremy · 29/12/2016 12:52

Havent read all the thread but there are loads of neon pink boys football trainers (astroturf so no studs) in use at dc school. Can you look for something similar but smaller obviously?

My DD wore boys bob the builder boots at this age because she loved Bob. It is no different really.

deadringer · 29/12/2016 12:57

Do people let their 2.5 year olds choose their own shoes normally? I didn't give my kids a choice of shoes when they were toddlers. We would be offered a selection and i would pick the ones that were most practical and would go best with their clothes. Wouldn't have bought pink sparkly shit for my dds or my ds.

Fuxfurforall · 29/12/2016 13:01

It's not that unusual. My eldest son used to love wearing a skirt and walking around in my high heels. His younger brother wouldn't go anywhere without his dolls pram and my daughter spent most of her years through junior school dressed as a boy - including hair.

I developed a thigh skin with the ignorant comments, and followed my instinct to let them do as they wished.
I now have 3 wonderful, confident, caring teenagers who look back and laugh at how they used to be.
The only ones who had a major problem with it all were the very ones who should learn to mind their own business

NameChanged22 · 29/12/2016 13:03

A good compromise is Doc Martens. My toddler has sparkly silver docs, and loves them! But they're not 'obviously boys or girls'

Fuxfurforall · 29/12/2016 13:04

Thick skin..not thigh skin. Too much Turkey!

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 29/12/2016 13:09

My 16yo DS has bright pink football boots and a bright pink football training kit. He's very manly and built like a tank, and never gets bullied - he just likes pink.
They are not aimed at girls though, they are also worn by premiership footballers and nobody would bat an eyelash at a boy wearing them.
A nearer equivalent would be him choosing a Christmas jumper covered in sequins rather than one with Santa or Rudolph on, but as a teenager he would be fully aware that his choice was unusual for a teenage boy.

Original poster
Sassypants82 · 29/12/2016 13:35

Hi Down, I'm not self hating at all. It wouldn't bother me what any random person thought about anyone in my family. I simply thought twice about it because I was worried that my son might get negative attention from other (older) children. Attention he would be unused to & I'll equipped to deal with, at 2yrs old. If you've read the whole thread, you'll see I felt uncomfortable with my decision & thanks to all the OPs that have taken the time to share their input I have decided that I won't be steering him towards the 'boys' selection but rather allow him to choose what he likes himself (once it's not utter crap).

Thanks SJVAA for the link, thoae trainers look great! And Toasty fingers, thanks so much for the offer, so generous of you. I'm not in the UK though & think it would be too inconvenient to take you up on it. But thanks, really appreciate your kindness.

OP posts:
Nataleejah · 29/12/2016 14:34

Why are women so self-hating?

Nothing to do with self-hating, but its simply embarrassing and unpleasant when people mistake your gender. Ok, a 2yo wouldn't care much, but slightly older kid wouldn't be pleased.

SVJAA · 29/12/2016 14:37

And for everyone slagging off OP, my DM allowed DS1 to pick his own trainers once, and he walked in with godawful moon boot things that lit up and weighed a ton!

SVJAA · 29/12/2016 14:39

Sorry, posted too soon. What I meant to say is it isn't just girls shoes that can be utterly hideous!

newmumwithquestions · 29/12/2016 14:53

Pink is a bright colour that's attractive to small children. As long as they are fit for purpose let him wear whatever shoes/boots he wants.

DD has boys shoes. She liked the airplanes. I liked the fact that the whole foot was covered (wtf are the girls ranges cut out? - it's winter!)