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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wwyd - toddler choosing 'girls' shoes..

127 replies

Sassypants82 · 29/12/2016 08:31

I'm sure variations of this have been done before but here goes: my DS is 2.5 & drawn to bright, sparkly, interesting things. Last time we were buying shoes, he chose a pink pair of trainers, with a large sparkly purple heart on each side. I told him there were none left in his size. He then asked for a purple pair of boots while I was waiting for the 'boys' trainers I'd chosen to come out from the store room. I made another excuse & bought my choice & he looked a little bit disappointed. Leaving the shop I felt strange & wrong in my gut that I'd done that. Anyway, needless to say, there were no ill effects. My reason for not allowing the girls shoes was mainly if an older child teased him. He attends a nursery with after schoolers. He would not recognise being teased but still didn't want to risk it. He is now due more shoes & while in a shop yesterday asked me for pink ones again. We didn't get any but will need to in the next few weeks.

Just to add, he has a selection of toys which would be considered traditionally 'boys' & 'girls' toys & I usually allow him to pick the colour of whatever we may be buying for him, bedclothes, cups etc. He loves to have his nails painted which I do etc. I have no issues with any of that but felt the shoes, worn in public was a step to far..

Should I let him choose next time or is potentially protecting him from being teased more important?

OP posts:

GreenTureen · 30/12/2016 12:06

What if your son turns out to be gay or transgendered? This might be an important first step in expressing his true identity

A 2 year old? I've heard it all now.

Get him to the Doctor's op, maybe they can start therapy or hormones or something now, support him in expressing his true identity early

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 30/12/2016 12:27

Slightly different, but DD wouldn't be seen dead wearing anything "girlie" or pink! She wears boys clothes and shoes. The only person to comment negatively was her year 1 teacher, who asked her whether she had chosen them herself or whether Mummy had made her wear them??? (With a shocked expression!)

Theadora27 · 30/12/2016 12:39

Don't make sarcastic comments on a matter you obviously don't understand, GreenTureen.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 30/12/2016 12:40

YerDaSellsAvon Next have just brought out a new girls dinosaur range if you are still looking - its over a few pages but here's a link

ThanksForAllTheFish · 30/12/2016 12:41

That page and the previous one have the dinosaur stuff

Notapodling · 30/12/2016 12:49

I wouldn't worry and let him wear the pink. He's very young. DS was obsessed with pink and sparkly when he was a toddler but has now grown out of it. (now 6)
Same with other children commenting. It won't hurt them to see a boy in pink.
When DS was about three (?) he was told boys couldn't wear nail polish by some older kids. He just gave them this look like he couldn't believe they'd said something so daft and said, 'Well, I'm a boy and I wear nail polish' and that was that.

noeffingidea · 30/12/2016 13:04

I'm another one who wouldn't buy pink sparkly shoes for girls or boys. Shoes and boots normally come in black leather in our house, though slippers and sandals tend to be a bit more lairy.
My middle son (now 20) tended to be non gender conforming though he was happy to keep it at home. Outside he wore standard boy clothes. Yes he would definitely have been picked on and bullied, something I wasn't going to risk after being through it with my eldest (for different reasons).
I've got to say, if my kids wanted to dress in clothes of the opposite gender nowadays I probably would still keep it at home, just in case some politically correct teacher or other adult decided this meant they were transgendered.

Booboostwo · 30/12/2016 14:14

Transgender toddlers HAVE to like pink?!!!

Toyslayer · 30/12/2016 14:21

Before my daughter started school she attended a private nursery where there were after-schoolers.
There were little boys in princess dress-up there all the time! My little cousin was one of them 😁
Never worry about him being picked on. Only worry about him feeling like he can't be himself ❤️
Xxx

lozzylizzy · 30/12/2016 14:38

My now 4 year old loved pink when he was 2. I think the whole thing came from his love for soft things, his baby sister had a pink cellular blanket and it was really soft so therefore he then liked pink.

I bought him practical warm winter boots as it was November and they kept his feet dry!

Klaphat · 30/12/2016 15:11

On a Facebook comment thread about an article discussing how a trans child was kicked out of boy scouts, someone suggested that the child (8 or thereabout) was too young to be anything but experimenting, and then others were arguing that you can know your sexuality by that age, so why not your 'gender identity'? And then someone illuminated this by saying they knew at 4 or 6 (can't remember, not relevant) that they liked girls, just like they knew they liked dinosaur toys.

Liking dinosaur toys is evidence that a little girl must be trans, everyone. Guess I better go back in time, put down the lego and the toy cars, call myself Bob and get on with transitioning.

Allthewaves · 30/12/2016 16:24

We got these. I wouldn't get the pink shoes, mainly becuase his older brothers would tease him amd he prob would refuse to wear them after a wk

december10th · 30/12/2016 16:34

He is 2. He doesn't get to dictate what you buy him.If he were a girl dictating she wanted pink sparkly shoes I bet you wouldn't feel guilty saying no.
Also your boy won't always be 2, but he won't be for always! Photo's and memories linger on, in 4 years he will probably be mortified if anyone pulls out a photo of him wearing them.

SavageBeauty73 · 30/12/2016 16:35

One of my twin sons wore a Snow White dress for a year. Now he's 11 he's mortified whenever he sees the pictures

Can he have red shoes as a compromise?

Allthewaves · 30/12/2016 16:38

We did purchase these as well so if he went off them it wasn't £45 down the drain

QueenLizIII · 30/12/2016 16:54

they make mens shirts in lilac and pink.

this is how boys used to be dressed.

Jenni363 · 30/12/2016 17:18

I'm totally against gender specific clothing for kids.. I'm from Scandinavia and we tend to have brightly coloured kids clothing that anyone can like and wear. Here in the U.K. People are much more traditional.

My daughter is in Y1 and is a tomboy. She's very active and would burn through expensive girls school pumps in no time. Her best friend in school is a boy who had a pair or Clarks trainer type dinosaur shoes. Throughout reception she was begging to have the same shoes... it breaks my heart to keep telling you can't have them, they are for boys only... in the end we bought them for her for Y1. They're great, much sturdier than the pumps..

Apparently some bigger kids have already been making comments about her wearing boys shoes.. and her green P.O.P coat... 😡. My DD is a confident, popular girl. I hope I can raise her to be her own person, and to wear things she actually likes, not because everyone else does.. I know she's still young and peer pressure will come in later in life..

My 3 year old son would happily wear pink glittery things I'm sure.. he also insists on having his toenails painted 😂

MooseyMouse · 30/12/2016 17:57

My son wore his big sister's pink, sparkly boots to nursery and pre-school. He loved them and the other kids didn't bat an eye.

britainteascones · 30/12/2016 19:21

Oh for god sake you should all hear yourselves.

What makes you all so submissive to gender roles? At which point did you decide, when you had a child, that you would only accept their wishes if they fit your conditions. I was under the impression that love is unconditional, but clearly, I was wrong.

You make think this is silly because it's over shoes, but when I hear parents saying that they "wouldn't let their precious DS wear pink girls shoes because they're for girls" I automatically know that you will lead your child into a life of restricting their choices to what you imagine to be "a perfect boy or girl" and that is wrong.

Let him wear the shoes he wants, they won't make him gay or transgender and if you're so susceptible to playground bullies than you are weak, and you are raising your child to be weak.

This isn't the 70s anymore, we've come to realise how ridiculous your generation was in being unaccepting and discriminatory to anything that doesn't fit your gender ideal. And yes, today this is just shoes but tomorrow it could easily be you not accepting your child for their gender identity or sexuality because this is the kind of thing that contributes to a greater picture of alienating people.

And imo, it's child abuse.

northernshepherdess · 30/12/2016 19:34

My dd buys the exact same pair of boys blue and white footy boot style trainers every time she needs new shoes.... she also loves mlp and won't wear anything without leggings

scaryclown · 30/12/2016 19:41

This is how glam rock and builders in flares started! For school..yes maybe some tempering is ok.. but why not get a stick on sparkly star ..

for what its worth, soarkly bling trainers in bright colours are very in top designer wise..so ner!

Threesoundslikealot · 31/12/2016 00:32

You can't not let a child wear something because his future self might be embarrassed at photos! It's not Minority Report.

NotJimbo · 31/12/2016 00:49

My DS was the same at that age, was always disappointed with the boy options in the shoe shop, much preferring the sparkle and interest of the girls options. I bought him pink crocs when he was 2 and he loved them, otherwise I only bought him 'boys' shoes, but I have an older DD so he would often wear her shoes instead. He's 7 yo now and now knows that pink is considered a girls colour, so he gravitates more to the boys options, but still doesn't mind the occasional girls hand-me-down, e.g. has girls snow boots, wellies, PE trainers and other less-used shoes, but has his own boy shoes for main wear. One other remaining pink thing from that phase is his cuddly toy, it's a pink bear which he chose himself when he was two, he's very attached to it, and is totally cool with it being pink. He doesn't (yet) seem to get teased.

noeffingidea · 31/12/2016 01:49

britainteascones were you bullied at school? Were your children? If the answer to either of those questions is 'no' then you can shut the fuck up with calling other people weak, tbh.
One of my children was bullied, through no fault of his own, and it destroyed 2 years of his life.

noeffingidea · 31/12/2016 01:51

In fact, britain children have been known to commit suicide over 'playround bullying'. But thats just being weak, according to you.

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