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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wwyd - toddler choosing 'girls' shoes..

127 replies

Sassypants82 · 29/12/2016 08:31

I'm sure variations of this have been done before but here goes: my DS is 2.5 & drawn to bright, sparkly, interesting things. Last time we were buying shoes, he chose a pink pair of trainers, with a large sparkly purple heart on each side. I told him there were none left in his size. He then asked for a purple pair of boots while I was waiting for the 'boys' trainers I'd chosen to come out from the store room. I made another excuse & bought my choice & he looked a little bit disappointed. Leaving the shop I felt strange & wrong in my gut that I'd done that. Anyway, needless to say, there were no ill effects. My reason for not allowing the girls shoes was mainly if an older child teased him. He attends a nursery with after schoolers. He would not recognise being teased but still didn't want to risk it. He is now due more shoes & while in a shop yesterday asked me for pink ones again. We didn't get any but will need to in the next few weeks.

Just to add, he has a selection of toys which would be considered traditionally 'boys' & 'girls' toys & I usually allow him to pick the colour of whatever we may be buying for him, bedclothes, cups etc. He loves to have his nails painted which I do etc. I have no issues with any of that but felt the shoes, worn in public was a step to far..

Should I let him choose next time or is potentially protecting him from being teased more important?

OP posts:

OpalTree · 29/12/2016 09:04

Mothercare used to do pink glittery wellies that my friend bought her son for a fiver. Don't know if they still do. She did get the odd comment from nursery mums but didn't care.

JellyWitch · 29/12/2016 09:04

Let him have the shoes he wants. At 4, my son wanted and wore pink crocs. I can assure you there were no ill effects.

SimplyNigella · 29/12/2016 09:04

If you don't want him to have pink or purple then look online at the likes of Livie and Luca who do wonderful bright shoes that aren't overly girlie. Most shoes designed for boys are so dull, it's no wonder they are often attracted to the pink shoes.

May50 · 29/12/2016 09:09

Go with what he wants . Both my DS's had a favourite pink t-shirt that they always wore to nursery. One toddler DS wanted a pink tutu so much that I got it for him one xmas. My DS adored it. My Dad was horrified (really, and kept muttering to my Mum, I pretended not to hear!). Both boys now are strapping lads and only wear the 'boring' greys and blues of boy clothes now, again their choice.

Original poster

Sassypants82 · 29/12/2016 09:10

Thanks everybody. I appreciate all your posts. I'll be letting him choose his own next time, you're right, this stage is so short, why shouldn't he express himself without limits.
Thanks again.

OP posts:

summerblonde · 29/12/2016 09:10

Let him wear what he feels comfortable in. I know it is hard as a mum, I would have been the same in that situation. But if he likes them, let him have them. Embrace it!

diddl · 29/12/2016 09:13

"That is what is happening when a child doesn't get what they want when the reason is someone might tease them. "

Easier said than done when your child is the one that might be teased/bullied.

Girls wearing boys stuff isn't seen in the same light at all, is it?

Being a tomboy isn't a negative, is it?

JaniceBattersby · 29/12/2016 09:13

No pink shoes for boys or girls in this house as they get completely wrecked too easily? Shoes are bloody expensive so I'd go as practical as possible. For me, that means dark colours and hard wearing - prefeably leather.

Crumbs1 · 29/12/2016 09:13

Not sure I would buy expensive shoes for 'wrong' gender but my son spent almost a year in a lovely lacy, lilac net petticoat (the sort that had an integral vest top and wide swirly net base). He loved it dearly for no apparent reason. He later at 8 said he wanted to join his younger sister at ballet lessons, so learned to dance. Now he is a 21 year old, 6'4" rugby playing army officer with a definite 'eye for the ladies' that has recently been reined in by a nice young woman. He has never been teased for either the petticoat or indeed the ballet it did perform in a professional production and learned much about appearing confident and commanding an audience.

DontDeadOpenInside · 29/12/2016 09:17

Not quite the same thing but my 10 year old son wears bright pink football boots. His pride and joy. Theyre the astro turf type with flat bottoms so he wears them as his everyday trainers. Never once had he had a negative comment about them. Hes just had a new pair and theyre bright orange and pink. My other son wears pink tshirts, hes 11. My 6 year old son won't touch pink but he doesnt tease his brothers about it.

summerblonde · 29/12/2016 09:18

Crumbs - that is a lovely post.

The2ndSpartacus · 29/12/2016 09:19

just get the shoes. my DS was the same as a toddler and I let him have the shoes and the pram for his birthday. he's 12 now, thinks the old "baby photos" are funny, he thinks gendered clothes/magazines/books/TV shows etc is bullshit and he didn't turn into a girl.

The2ndSpartacus · 29/12/2016 09:19

Oscha · 29/12/2016 09:19

My 2 year old son's favourite outfit is currently an Anna dress and a pink headband. Meh. He looks adorable and can wear whatever he likes.

Goingtobeawesome · 29/12/2016 09:19

diddl - all my children have been bullied. I still won't pander to the pathetic idiots.

Reality16 · 29/12/2016 09:20

I would be more Concerned that after school children have close enough access to the under 3's within a nursery for you to feel your 2yo is at risk of bullying

1horatio · 29/12/2016 09:21

My little half brothers did this as well. Whenever I did my makeup they wanted me to do theirs as well.

It's just something interesting, i think.

When I was little I also felt that DF's shaving equipment was interesting. Plus, sparky stuff just looks more interesting than most boy's stuff, which is rather often a bit plain.

HubrisComicGhoul · 29/12/2016 09:27

I wouldn't have bought them to be honest, but mostly because those types of "girls" shoes are flimsy and useless for an active toddler. Which is why my twin girls still wear "boys" shoes quite a lot.

Wellies are different though, they are pretty universal and I'd have no issue with my son having pink sparkly wellies.

akkakk · 29/12/2016 09:28

it would be wrong to buy 'girls' products for boys purely in some artificial attempt to neutralise societal perspectives or trends...

However, equally there is nothing wrong in buying what a child wants if they just like it. And who really cares if the manufacturer aims it at boys or girls?

And if there is teasing it is worth reminding any bullies that pink was until the 20th century a boys colour and blue a girls colour :)

Most men I know are as happy wearing pink as other colours - regardless of their orientation

aforestgrewandgrew · 29/12/2016 09:28

I'd let my DS have the pink ones if he wanted.

However I confess I can't stand all the pink shit, and I regularly hoodwink my DD if she wants the pink sparkly shoes, just like the OP did with her DS, saying they don't have it in her size. As she's got older I've let her have more of a choice, but at 2.5 there's no way I would have bought her the pink crap (she gets plenty of it from the ILs as it is). I would have cringed every time we left the house.

Probably a hypocritical approach, but there you go!

Bobsmum02 · 29/12/2016 09:28

Bikerunski's suggestion of Bobux is a good one. My ds's had had a few pair of shoes from them. Their website gives a good measuring guide too.

I'm also on the fence, if it were my DS who is 2.5 too I would want to buy him the shoes he wanted but in reality would probably do what you did and make an excuse. I'd probably buy him the light up type ones as a compromise.

Threesoundslikealot · 29/12/2016 09:32

My daughter went through a phase when she was three where pink was supposedly her favourite colour, although she wasn't really that fussed. She ended up spending the summer in a great pair of hot pink sandals. She hasn't though asked for pink shoes since.

Nataleejah · 29/12/2016 09:33

We're talking about a toddler here. Surely at that age a parent knows better which SHOES are more suitable.

luckymucky · 29/12/2016 09:36

I would be more concerned with the fit. My DC had very little choice of shoe wear, as I went with the shoe or trainer that fit them correctly, usually advised by the person in the shop (independent, not Clarks, who have no idea IMO). Are girls shoes not narrower than boys or are toddler shoes the same width?

Original poster

Sassypants82 · 29/12/2016 09:41

Thanks again everyone. All of your input is really useful. He definitely won't be getting crappy shoes that won't last Jut because he wants them. Think he had his eye on a pair of pink & purple runnerboots which are the 'girls' version of his current ones & last well.

He also loves dressing up, wearing a tea towel on his head for long hair & is currently obsessing on Cinderella (he's generally the fairly godmother - a paper star taped to wooden spoon makes an excellent wand btw, I get to be Cinderella and Daddy a 'bad sister' )

There are no limits in creche - everybody has access to everything & is offered everything (including soluble nail Polish) and the dress up box is a free for all. The Princess dresses are the most popular across the board.

I totally get it, I'm not afraid that my son will identify as transgender if I encourage this, I genuinely would not care what he identified as., once he's happy in his life. I know he's 2 & just enjoying himself & drawn to that which looks most fun / interesting. He's hit a doll & pram, says he's the Mommy, not daddy & in the next breath tells me how he's going to grow a beard like his Daddy. He's also car mad, kitchen mad & is a generally happy well rounded toddler who has never encountered gender limits. I absolutely agree that that should continue. He'll be getting the pink shoes, if he chooses them (and they're hard-wearing! )

OP posts:

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