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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Still raging!

54 replies

dawneloise · 29/12/2016 02:17

My MIL is married to a man who I find totally irritating he is the kind of person who is always right and will use Google to prove it!

Anyway on Christmas Eve MIL and SFIL took DS (11) out for a drive to give me a chance to do some last minute prep. When he came home DS seemed quite upset but I didn't probe until after MIL had left. Apparently SFIL had told him that he shouldn't be receiving Christmas gifts as he doesn't believe in Jesus! I'm not religious but DH was bought up as Catholic and DS goes to church at school but we don't attend personally. Each to their own IMO. I know what Christmas is about and so does DS as they teach it at his school in RSE. To top it off MIL backed up her DH and DS was sobbing his heart out on Christmas Eve because of this. TBH this will probably be his last year of believing as he goes to high school after summer. I really feel that they ruined it for DS.

I've not said anything yet but I'm raging inside and it's eating me up. I know that MIL will be upset that DS was upset but he won't care. Also his grandkids aren't at all religious! I honestly feel like saying something similar to them next time I see them (I probably won't cos I'm too nice)

AIBU to be so angry and have I left it too late to say anything on the matter

OP posts:

TitaniasCloset · 29/12/2016 02:21

That's so rude. You need to raise this with MIL.

Just comfort your baby and tell them God doesn't care anyway, and all that. What a nasty thing to tell a child.

Moaningmyrtille · 29/12/2016 02:23

Not too late. I think you were wise not to say anything over Christmas and focus on having the best time possible. Tell MIL now what an effect SFIL comments had on your DS on Christmas Eve. Ok, SFIL might not care but MIL should be aware of how they hurt your DS.

CrazyCavalierLady · 29/12/2016 03:04

Forgive my ignorance but surely Father Christmas has fuck all to do with the supposed birth of Jesus Christ? Modern Christmas celebrations and gift giving are the melding of various Pagan and Christian rituals, traditions and beliefs to make it/them more palatable to the masses.

GilMartin · 29/12/2016 03:20

And if you think an 11 year old hasn't figured out or hasn't been told by his mates that Father Christmas isn't real, you're being pretty niaive. Either that or he's very young or cosseted for his age.

I also can't see why a boring rant from Ken Barlow's long lost brother over the 'real' meaning of Christmas should cause an 11 year old to have a sobbing fit or ruin the day. Yes what his wazzock of a step grandfather said was stupid and crass, but he wasn't told that he wouldn't be getting any presents, only that in his opinion, nonbelievers shouldn't celebrate.

Did telling him, 'of course you're getting presents, Step grandfather is talking rubbish' not quelle the tears?

Sybys · 29/12/2016 03:21

As per the PP, maybe you should suggest your SFIL googles the origin of Christmas presents (hint: it pre-dates Christianity).

scottishdiem · 29/12/2016 03:24

So did SFIL tell DS that there was no Santa and then pile in with the Jesus thing or what? (at 11 he still believes? Anyway not the point)

Not sure what happened here..

Regardless, upsetting DS was bad form and you need to tell MIL about this and mention lack of unsupervised access in future to prevent further upsetting of DS).

Original poster

dawneloise · 29/12/2016 14:14

His friends have told him that Santa isn't real, he refused to believe them. He is not cosseted but slightly on the autism spectrum but thanks for that input, didn't mention it in the op as it wasn't really the issue.

I'm under no illusion when it comes to kids believing or not my eldest is 21 the problem was what SFIL had said to a child which upset him. Also I was asking if I was being unreasonable to be angry not if DS1's reaction was unreasonable which I feel it wasn't.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2016 14:20

How long have they been married as in how long has he known your son? Yes for an eleven year old to still believe in Santa and be sobbing his heart out over this, is slightly unusual so some coping skills required there. That's issue one,

On the other side, issue two, if your father in law knows your son then it's beyond appalling he would upset him in this way and yes I'd speak to him directly and explain the upset he'd caused. Or let your husband, but i would do it.

Issue three, I'm not sure going for a drive can be construed as entertainment for a child. I know people used to do it years ago, but it's just time couped up in a car, far better they actually go and do something, which gives them another focus and something else to discuss, rather than simply sitting in a car.

TaliDiNozzo · 29/12/2016 14:30

Leaving aside any religious issues here, what is he thinking saying that to a child, especially on Christmas Eve?!

And no I wouldn't let it go. I would also be having strong words with MIL as she should've stood up for your DS rather than backing up her idiot husband.

I would be wary about unsupervised contact. If they are capable of wilfully upsetting a child like that I'd be concerned what else they would say.

8misskitty8 · 29/12/2016 14:37

what a tit your step fil is.

No presents for step fil next year.
Christmas presents/santa has nothing to do with Jesus, so step fil is wrong on that one.
What does your DH think about it ?

FatalKittehCharms · 29/12/2016 14:42

He sounds like a hypocrite.

Call him and ask him did he also tell his grandkids they shouldn't get presents.

SapphireSeptember · 29/12/2016 14:43

To the people commenting on an 11 year old still believing in Father Christmas, I still believed in him all the way up till I was 12, and that was 16 years ago now. I was bound and determined to not give up on Father Christmas! Not cosseted, just stubborn.

The whole "You can't celebrate Christmas because you're not Christian" thing winds me up! Of course you can! It's based on Yule and we nicked the idea from the pagans in the first place. Lots of faiths have festivals at this time of year, it's cold, dark and miserable, so a good time to cheer ourselves up by having a massive party.

TwoGunslingers · 29/12/2016 14:45

I think YABU to still be bothered about something that happened days ago which had zero consequences aside from a sobbing 11 year old. Your SFIL expressed an opinion...the horror.

Lynnm63 · 29/12/2016 14:49

Your sfil is a tit. What's the point of wilfully upsetting a child on Christmas Eve? What did your dh say? If it was me I'd avoid them being alone with your ds in future. The whole point of them taking him out was to make your life easier and they brought him home upset.
Plus he's wrong the Yule celebration predates Christianity.

Baylisiana · 29/12/2016 14:52

YANBU, and as far as I can see this has nothing to do with believing in Father Christmas or not. What child wants to be made to feel guilty about getting presents because they are not religious enough? Utter crap, never mind the the fact that there is no more evidence for God existing than there is for Father Christmas.

Tell your DS that SFIL made a mistake and that presents are not connected with belief in Jesus. Tell MIL and SFIL that you will not tolerate people coming over on Christmas Eve and leaving a previously happy child crying and miserable about Christmas, just to pursue their own pathetic and illogical agenda. I would be absolutely clear they will not see your DS at Christmas again unless they can convince you they are genuinely remorseful and understand why it must never happen again.

HappyFlappy · 29/12/2016 15:02

If everyone who didn't believe was Jesus forbidden to get presents, out economy would probably collapse overnight.

Your SFIL is a twonk (as you well know), but worse that than he is a cruel town for deliberately upsetting a child. And apart from anything else, how does he know that your DS doesn't believe in Jesus? I know a lot of people with a very strong Christian faith who don't attend church usually because the vicar has pee'd them off for a variety of reasons, and I know many people who think religion is rubbish but go because it is expedient for one reason or another.

If you see Twonk-SFIL's DGCs, say to them what an awful Christmas they must have had, as their DGF said they weren't getting any presents. Let the swine worm his way out of that.

HappyFlappy · 29/12/2016 15:04

*cruel town - not cruel town

HappyFlappy · 29/12/2016 15:04

*cruel town - not cruel town

HappyFlappy · 29/12/2016 15:05

TWONK! TWONK ffs!!!

krustykittens · 29/12/2016 15:05

He sounds like a bully. He had a go at a child about being happy to receive Christmas presents! I'd be telling him what a bullying prick he his and to spend Christmas with his own family from now on, the ones he doesn't have a problem with giving and receiving gifts.

tooclosetocall · 29/12/2016 15:13

I wouldn't sweep this under the carpet, I would want to plot think of just the right thing to say next time you meet (politely and with an audience of course).
Your SFIL is a dick, you couldn't possibly tell your DS this but he'll find out on his own soon enough.

gamerchick · 29/12/2016 15:14

TWONK! TWONK

Can you just refuse to spend any more holidays with this person? He sounds like a reet bellend? Tell your mil that that's the last time he'll put you bairn in that state. He sounds tiresum to be around anyway.

Clandestino · 29/12/2016 15:17

Your SFIL is a twat and I believe the issue needs to be raised with your MIL.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 29/12/2016 15:17

That is all. I am speechless.

Cheby · 29/12/2016 15:21

I think YABU to still be bothered about something that happened days ago which had zero consequences aside from a sobbing 11 year old

What a shitty thing to say. To decent parents, having their child upset is not inconsequential.

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