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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is everyone so angry with house guests over the holidays?

28 replies

bellie710 · 28/12/2016 23:30

AIBU too be annoyed by everyone constantly posting about how ungrateful their guests were?

Do people really invite friends/family over to count how many times everyone thanks them and are grateful for their cooking/hospitality?

Why can't you just enjoy having these people over why do you need them all to say thank you, yes it's polite but god it's not the end of the world if you all have a good time!

OP posts:
annandale · 28/12/2016 23:34

Because having guests is AWFUL Grin but if we just say, having other people in the house makes my skin crawl, we just sound like psychopaths Grin so better say 'hmm, they never said thank you'

somewhere buried in the archives here is the scream of fury I unleashed after having my dad for two nights one Christmas. The poor man, he couldn't do anything right. I just didn't want him in my house, or even worse, insisting on going to my inlaws' house.... OK, not going to go through it all again. I just don't have guests overnight any more.

e1y1 · 28/12/2016 23:37

Do people really invite friends/family over to count how many times everyone thanks them and are grateful for their cooking/hospitality?

Yes, we have a scoreboard Grin.

In all serious anybody is BU for having guests at all - bloody hard work being a good host on top of all the stress of Christmas.

e1y1 · 28/12/2016 23:38

*seriousness

DailyFail1 · 28/12/2016 23:41

So so hard having guests over. Def not for the faint hearted. For example several family members insisted on changing their babies pooey nappies on my £500 rug in the middle of the sitting room as the 'wood floors/bed was too cold for the nappy changer' despite my saying several times that I don't want them to. Short of kicking them out I couldn't do anything more. However, dh and I have def remembered, and are planning 'revenge attacks' when we get invited to theirs.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 28/12/2016 23:42

Because...of this statement below. Xmas Grin

I'm sure there are some lovely house guests, but for many people we aren't used to others habits, houses tend to be a little small and people get on top of each other, it tends to be family you don't choose rather than friends you do....and it seems to get exponentially worse at this time of year when you are trapped in together with cabin fever.

Why is everyone so angry with house guests over the holidays?
Original poster
bellie710 · 28/12/2016 23:43

We obviously have nice polite house guests!!

OP posts:
annandale · 28/12/2016 23:44

Totally agree Ineed, except for me it's three hours. [misanthrope]

Wookiecookies · 28/12/2016 23:45

My guests were really lovely, but it is hard work having to always be on host/hostess duty. No lie ins, always making sure the fridge is stocked, glasses topped and no putting feet up on your own sofa because there are not enough seats etc... as much as I enjoy their company, I can't deny that it is always nice when they go home. Xmas BlushXmas Grin

flightywoman · 28/12/2016 23:45

I'm really sad my mum is going home tomorrow Sad

We have lovely times together and I love having her to stay.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 28/12/2016 23:47

This is a TAAT. Xmas Hmm

Cocopopsrule · 28/12/2016 23:48

It's the threads where guests complain how rubbish it was being in someone else's house thst worry me. Ive got 9 adults and 3 kids including us for dinner and a sleep over on new years eve and im worried they'll hate it now.

notagiraffe · 28/12/2016 23:48

DF-i-L has been here a week. It will be nice to be able to do exactly what we want again, but I've loved having him and the time has whizzed by.

SingingGoldfinch · 28/12/2016 23:49

I don't think I get the problem - or maybe it's down to how close you are with the guests you have staying? My parents left today after being here for nearly a week. It was wonderful having them here and although it was a lot of cooking and general hostessing they both chip in and it was an absolute pleasure. I felt really sad as they drove off.

TinselTwins · 28/12/2016 23:51

Christmas visits are always more tense because there's the added pressure to have a "good Christmas"

I always find that the very same relatives I can have a lovely relaxed time with when visiting/hosting the rest of the year tend to be a bit trickier when the pressure is on to be jolly/merry "because it's Christmas"

It's not because you have nicer friends or family than mine OP, I think it's just because Christmas is the holiday equivalent of hen-dos. It's harder to enjoy a time/meal that you HAVE TO ENJOY

Pinkheart5915 · 28/12/2016 23:52

I love house guests. We had 14 people stay with us, they all arrived in the 23rd and Apart from my Mum & dad they all went home the 27th.

They are my family and this is the only time of year we are all in one place together!

Also I find if you have champagne on the go all the time it helps to relax everyone.

I also don't care if every single person says thank you or not. We are family and we've all had a fab time which is all I care about

NotJimbo · 28/12/2016 23:54

We gave all our house guests Norovirus Blush so that was 7 people all struck down over Christmas Xmas Blush.

A small positive is that they didn't eat much, and I didn't need to do much cooking. The laundry, on the other hand, was epic.

Not sure anyone will want to return Grin

SparkleChristmasGlitter · 29/12/2016 00:03

We have hosted many times over the years for many people and I love it.

I certainly don't keep a score board of how many times people thank us for food/drink/ being allowed to use the toilet/ being allowed to breathe the air in my home etc if your someone that does maybe you shouldn't have house guests?

Pallisers · 29/12/2016 00:09

Because most people don't really enjoy changing bed linen, sorting our rooms, buying loads of food, carting it from the supermarket, cooking it, serving it, minding their guests for NO THANKS.

I have done this several times a year and my guests are always lovely, appreciative, say thank you (toast the cook even), bring thoughtful gifts every now and then although I wouldn't expect that.

I don't invite people over to get thanks. I invite people over whom I love and I like and who will thank me because they are nice people who do that and who will also contribute lovely conversation or games etc.

If I was stuck providing room and board and slap up xmas dinner for people who utterly took me for granted, never said thanks, and contributed nothing else, of course I would complain.

I have only had lovely guests in my life (still found hosting hard at times despite this) but is it so hard to understand that not every guest is nice and interesting and appreciative?

BakeOffBiscuits · 29/12/2016 00:17

I do enjoy having guests, we've had them form 22nd until today, we've had a great time BUT it's bloody hard work! Cooking, tidying, food shopping, more cooking etc etc etc.

I can't wait to spend tomorrow with my feet up, catching up on Christmas TV and eating the remainder of the Christmas goodies. Mind you, I'll have 4 lots of bedding and numerous towels to wash in between all that.

nursy1 · 29/12/2016 00:24

YANBU. most of what I've seen posted shouldn't trouble anyone longer than the end of the week.
I've had up to 9 family house guests coming and going over the past week. Some have been great some have been nightmares. Depends what else is going on with them I think. Quick review;
Big row with my son. ( massive hug later but still issues to be resolved)
Heartbreak over my father with his increasingly apparent dementia
Seething over my lazy youngest daughter.
House a complete wreck and getting on my nerves.
Hilarious board games - best night of Christmas
Entire grown up family sprawled round our tiny living room like a litter of puppies. Stepping over them to get out. Concluded downsizing a mistake!
So glad to wave goodbye but it's just another Christmas isn't it?
Next hurdle is big family holiday in May. Probably a repeat of most of the same stuff.
The best bit, the way I see it now is, we keep on doing it. It's family

HerodZackHunt · 29/12/2016 00:43

So many people have been cooped up for days with people they can cope with in short bursts, for extended periods at Xmas. The irritation leaks out somewhere.
We've been lucky to only have fondly regarded, considerate guests this year. In other years it hasn't been so easy.
It's the same thing that keeps divorce lawyers busy in January.

KC225 · 29/12/2016 02:04

My friend arrives tomorrow from the UK with her little boy and it will be the first time he has seen proper snow (we live in Scandinavia). I can't for them to arrive.

oldlaundbooth · 29/12/2016 02:12

It's a lot easier if you don't give as much of a fuck. Try and let things go a bit more.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was quite happy to let guests help themselves, do the cooking etc.

Worked quite well. And remind yourself not to stress too much, yes the kitchen will be a state but you can tidy after they have left.

MizzEmma · 29/12/2016 02:33

I've had house guests for two weeks. They leave on Friday.

They are lovely and adore the children but it's hard work having guests for so long however nice they are.

Two weeks of cooking for people with quite specific dietary preferences (different to ours)

Two weeks of watching TV that isn't my choice.

Two weeks worth of additional washing and ironing.

Two weeks worth of making a coffee every half hour on the dot.

Two weeks of entertaining guests who can't/won't participate in our usual activities.

In addition to the stress of feeling that their visit has to be fabulous because they have come such a long way.

It's been a very successful visit but I must admit I'm looking forward to a long bath and a takeaway on Friday night and a lie in on Saturday morning.

Oblomov16 · 29/12/2016 02:37

Can't understand why anyone has them.
Seriously. Everyone who does seems to hate them.
Just say no? Hmm