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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for some straight talk as I am probably bu about my xmas present

125 replies

Cindbelly · 28/12/2016 16:01

I need some straight talking as a I am probably being unreasonable but getting angrier and more upset every time I look at my present.

DH is a Sahp and I am the sole wage earner. DS has asd and we can't find suitable childcare for him, DD does morning nursery sessions so no change in this likely to happen till at least September 2017 when DD goes full days and DH can look for part time work. -this is relevant as money is tight so no budget for big gifts for each other at the moment which I really am ok with.

Back in September DM asked me what I would like for xmas.
We discussed a particular watch and brand which I wanted (has several features that would be really useful for my health as it monitors blood pressure etc - but also I would like to wear it to work and I am already conscious that I can't afford the high end clothes the others in my office seem to favor so that brand is the one I want) I said at the time the watch is about £80 so too expensive but if she could give me some money toward it then I would be really grateful. We discussed all of this.
Nonsense says DM I will buy it, can easily afford it as I know that you won't get anything else due to only one wage coming in.
Anyway Boxing Day comes and we drive up to her house where she gives me, a lime green 'channel' bag, a toaster from the charity shop (had breadcrumbs in it) and a cheap nasty kids version of the watch I wanted complete with diamanté strap that is not changeable.

I'm so upset, and I probably sound ungrateful I told DH not to buy anything for me as DM was buying my watch, and in the 3 months since we discussed this I could have probably have saved enough to buy it myself.

I need some perspective, I'm 36 with 2 children and sulking because I didn't get the present I asked for...

OP posts:
StarryIllusion · 28/12/2016 17:34

Ywbu to say anything but yanbu to be pissed off. That would irritate me too. I would sell it tbh and put the money towards what you actually want.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/12/2016 17:42

"I will have to wear the watch on DDs birthday or DM will be upset."
Don't you dare wear that watch! To do so is to tell her it's OK to palm you off with shit (because let's face it, her present was shit). If she is upset that you are not wearing it then you simply say 'Of course I'm not wearing it mum, it's nothing like the watch I want to wear'. If she doesn't have consequences to past actions, she'll continue pulling stunts like this. And seeing someone not wear something crap is the mildest of consequences.

RichardBucket · 28/12/2016 17:43

That's strange behaviour. Do you think she did it to make a point or just because she didn't realise the difference would matter?

deckoff · 28/12/2016 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 28/12/2016 17:51

'I will have to wear the watch on DDs birthday or DM will be upset. '

NO, YOU DON'T! Why the hell would you? She's a cow to do that. I cannot imagine doing this to my daughter. What a bitch. Just chuck it out. She asks, for once TELL HER, 'It wasn't suitable.'

toots111 · 28/12/2016 17:57

Don't you think she just thought it was a real one? If she bought it off eBay from China it probably said Fitbit and she thought it was a bargain. My mum would totally believe that she was buying the real thing. Same with the knockoff bag. She doesn't really get the whole knockoff thing.

WinterIsHereJon · 28/12/2016 17:58

My mil does this, intentionally though. Last Christmas she asked DP what I'd like and he gave her the name of a perfume that was around £45. What she actually bought me was cheap One Direction perfume, out of date Thorntons chocolates, pyjamas that were far too small, cheap candles (she disagrees with my love of Yankee candles and refuses to buy them) and assorted other bits of crap. She'd probably spent the cost of the perfume in the end, but seems to think I have expensive taste so I think she's trying to teach me a lesson Hmm

myfavouritecolourispurple · 28/12/2016 18:06

I will have to wear the watch on DDs birthday or DM will be upset

But if you wear it YOU will be upset.

For goodness sake tell her it wasn't right and ask her if you can return it and put the money towards the one you did want. Or resell it on ebay or something.

Madinche1sea · 28/12/2016 18:07

OP - I would try and see this in the wider context of your relationship with your mum and how this has panned out over the years. Is she genuinely clueless about brands, but means well nevertheless, or is she trying to make some kind of weird point? Only you can judge this!
The lime green fake Chanel bag sounds fairly hideous though. In the middle of winter too Confused Had you mentioned you needed s toaster?

EZA15 · 28/12/2016 18:13

I really don't think you should wear it on dd's birthday. If she asks you why, politely state the reasons why you're not wearing it. YANBU to be disappointed, I would definitely be too!

Original poster
Cindbelly · 28/12/2016 18:19

Back from dinner a lot of updates to read.
We don't qualify for tax credits credits, DH gets carers allowance but we use that mainly for petrol and the essential every day bits. we do get dla which pays for DS swimming lessons (private lessons in sn unit)

She wouldn't have done it on purpose hence why I think iabu to be upset that and the fact that I am a grown woman but she generally goes by quantity over quality. In her eyes 3 shit gifts would be better then 1 expensive 1.
She brought DSIS a radio clock alarm, dior perfume and a book she asked for, DH a kindle, BIL a digital camera

OP posts:
Original poster
Cindbelly · 28/12/2016 18:21

Money wouldn't have been the issue

OP posts:
PNGirl · 28/12/2016 18:25

I think it's really hard when you're asked what you want and the person buys a cheap alternative because they think it's better value for their money. Sometimes you've asked for it because it's a treat product - e.g.asking for a £36 Naked pallette from Urban Decay and getting the Makeup Revolution version that's 6 quid in Superdrug that you could have bought yourself. I don't know how I would broach the subject though.

NancyDonahue · 28/12/2016 18:32

In hindsight, you should have sent her the link to the one you wanted. I haven't a clue what fitbit are so might have been lured by an offer not realising there are crappy versions out there.

Can you regift it to your dd?

user1479296630 · 28/12/2016 18:32

Being in a state of advanced years I have learned that the only way to get the gifts you want is to buy them yourself - and then give to DH to wrap. I realise this might not work with DM.......but seriously I have learned never to ask for anything too specific. Nowadays it is a just a case of 'Get me chocolates or toiletries'. At least they are useable (mostly). I could bore you all with 1000s of words on the history of gifts that were not quite (or bore no resemblance to) what I asked for but you have all been there.

BIgBagofJelly · 28/12/2016 18:36

YANBU to be upset I would be too. I wouldn't say anything to her but I probably wouldn't actually wear the watch to placate her either. (Unless it may have been a genuine mistake - although hard to see how since you told her how much it costs and went into details).

rollonthesummer · 28/12/2016 18:37

That's shabby. Please don't wear the watch to make her feel better!

RNBrie · 28/12/2016 18:44

Op, I have a black fitbit flex languishing in a drawer downstairs. My mum gave it to me a while ago to encourage me to lose weight!

I used it for a while but it wasn't for me. It probably isn't the right model as I'm not sure it does blood pressure but happy to pop it in the post to you?

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2016 18:46

Could it have been she didn't really understand about a fit bit? She may have thought she was doing you a favour by getting the bag too. I can see how that would happen.

Chelazla · 28/12/2016 18:48

Rnbrei that is so kind!Flowers

NancyDonahue · 28/12/2016 18:49

RNbrie how lovely!

Chelazla · 28/12/2016 18:50

Also although the the toaster is just weird I doubt it was done on purpose your mum doesn't sound mean! I think she thinks she has a bargain and got you a great designer bag!

Cherrysoup · 28/12/2016 18:51

Yanbu. I feel exactly the same when I've asked for something then I get something totally different and frankly, rubbish. Don't wear it, she will take that as acceptance and approval. I think it's fair to say you still want a proper Fitbit and save for it. When's your birthday?

Original poster
Cindbelly · 28/12/2016 18:51

Oh brie that's a lovely gesture thank you but honestly I couldn't accept. Flowers
On the advice here I won't wear the watch on DDs birthday.
Lesson learned for next year

OP posts:
TheSlaughterOfHerodificado · 28/12/2016 18:52

I could bore you all with 1000s of words on the history of gifts that were not quite (or bore no resemblance to) what I asked for but you have all been there.

Same here User147etc. DH has even bought me gifts that I have specifically told him I DO NOT WANT because despite that he "thought I'd like it".

Sometimes I could just scream . . .

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