To ask for some straight talk as I am probably bu about my xmas present

[Cindbelly]

I need some straight talking as a I am probably being unreasonable but getting angrier and more upset every time I look at my present.

DH is a Sahp and I am the sole wage earner. DS has asd and we can't find suitable childcare for him, DD does morning nursery sessions so no change in this likely to happen till at least September 2017 when DD goes full days and DH can look for part time work. -this is relevant as money is tight so no budget for big gifts for each other at the moment which I really am ok with.

Back in September DM asked me what I would like for xmas.
We discussed a particular watch and brand which I wanted (has several features that would be really useful for my health as it monitors blood pressure etc - but also I would like to wear it to work and I am already conscious that I can't afford the high end clothes the others in my office seem to favor so that brand is the one I want) I said at the time the watch is about £80 so too expensive but if she could give me some money toward it then I would be really grateful. We discussed all of this.
Nonsense says DM I will buy it, can easily afford it as I know that you won't get anything else due to only one wage coming in.
Anyway Boxing Day comes and we drive up to her house where she gives me, a lime green 'channel' bag, a toaster from the charity shop (had breadcrumbs in it) and a cheap nasty kids version of the watch I wanted complete with diamanté strap that is not changeable.

I'm so upset, and I probably sound ungrateful I told DH not to buy anything for me as DM was buying my watch, and in the 3 months since we discussed this I could have probably have saved enough to buy it myself.

I need some perspective, I'm 36 with 2 children and sulking because I didn't get the present I asked for...

[Cindbelly]

Yes it definitely wouldn't have been malicious - more thoughtless then anything. That's one of the reasons I thought maybe I was being unreasonable

[StealthPolarBear]

Righ so trying to do the right thing and panicking

[Cindbelly]

And she definitely goes by quantity over quality, we've had some odd 'filler' gifts in the past

[Cindbelly]

stealth I'm not sure, DH thinks she brought DSIS 3 gifts so then panicked that she would need to buy me 3, but the Fitbit would make that too extravagant so opted to buy a Cheap version and get the fake bag as well no idea what the toaster was about it's a russel Hobbs so maybe she looked up the rrp in Argos and went by that

I think maybe she set a budget per family and included the DC, as we have two and DSis and bil have 1dd (so £100 per family split between 4 of us and 3 of them as an example) money is not an issue for her and dstepdad but she won't do anything she sees as being unfair.
It's most likely a combination of both

[Gallavich]

And I'm sure you can eBay the fake if its brand new in box

[Gallavich]

Open an Argos account, buy a Fitbit on 3 months credit and pay it off interest free over the next 3 months.

[StealthPolarBear]

Op what do you think is the most likely reason?

[RhiWrites]

OP, well done on agreeing not to wear the crap watch. Chuck it back on eBay where it came from and put the money towards your very own Fitbit.

[Mlb123]

I can see why you are upset, especially with the cheap, unsuitable kiddy substitution. She was wrong to convince you she would buy you the one that you had told her you wanted as it left you not being able to get it as you hadn't saved up for it and you told your husband you didn't need presents as your mother was getting you the one thing you truly wanted.

The toaster with breadcrumbs is awful too as it not only was pre owned, but was still dirty which showed a lack of any effort to even make sure the gift was at least clean.

No way are you at all wrong to feel let down. I hope you can find a way to get that watch in the not too distant future, despite your mothers bizarre efforts that left you rightfully disappointed and no doubt hurt.

It would have been better to have nothing almost, and for her not to have made promises she then didn't live up to xxxx

[Cindbelly]

Yes it was a Fitbit I thought I was being subtle in my description, I'm obviously not as clever as I thought I was

I'm bowled over by the offers I truly was expecting people to tell me that I am a grown up and to get over myself!

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Op, do accept one of the FitBits kind posters have offered you. Much better you use it and enjoy it than it sits languishing in their cupboard.

With my mother, I'd raise it and ask to exchange it. No point in the money being wasted and you having to charity shop it. If it can't be exchanged then in honesty I think it's better she knows for next year that it's really unhelpful to promise a specific very wanted present, and buy something utterly different.

[Marynary]

It could just be a mistake. I think that you need to let her know that it is the wrong thing and ask her for the receipt so you can exchange for an adults version. She may be a bit put out but at least she won't do something similar in future years. It is a waste of money to keep quiet about it and if I was her I would want to know.

[Oldraver]

This is also something my Mum would do...She is very into what people think and showing off so had we had the same conversation she would buy the fake Chanel bag to impress people but not buy the FitBit that no one would see but be of greater benefit.

A poster upthread also mentioned 'teaching a lesson' and this also fits my Mum to a tee...she has odd ideas about what people are worthy off (especially as I used to be a single parent and I should know my place and not want anything above me). She has in the past bought almost the exact item for DS as I had already bought but the cheaper version. I am perfectly at home with second hand/Ebay etc but just occasionally may want the upscale version...this is not allowed in her books.

[TheGruffaloMother]

Ta Cind but sadly my toaster wasn't what ended up in the bin!

[y0rkier0se]

OP, was it a Fitbit?

[Cindbelly]

gruffalo would you like a toaster?

[TheGruffaloMother]

YANBU. We could swap tat OP as my DM has done something similar thing. Offered to buy me 2 items she knew I was saving for and produced cheap unrelated shite of similar value (but next to no resale value) on Christmas day. I keep getting annoyed when I think about the fact that I've had the chance to buy both items at a reduced cost in the last 2 months but have left it because DM said she was treating me to them. And it really bloody sticks the knife in that I threw away the an old set of one of the items on Christmas Eve 'knowing' I'd be getting new ones the next day

[Luttrell]

That isn't really how the purchase of smartwatches goes, Bill.

[BillSykesDog]

Just a thought, but given your Mum is quite young, do you think she went into the shop and said 'I'd like x watch, it's for my daughter' and the shop assistant assumed her daughter was a child and gave her that one? She might well think she's got you the right thing.

[Cindbelly]

Wow I'm surprised to see so many people who have similar experiences. And blown away by the offers of kindness on here and also desperate to know what the deleted message was

I'm feeling much calmer here now, thanks everyone for replying and helping to keep me sane I hope you all had a good Christmas.

[YeOldMa]

I once asked for paving slabs for my birthday to make the front garden nice so every time I pulled up outside the house I didn't feel so depressed. I got masses of lingerie instead which made me itch every time I wore it. I had strong words with my husband about how I felt he wasn't listening to me. He was so surprised because he didn't think paving slabs were a good present. I think he understands now!!!!

[ilovechocolate07]

I feel for you. I have big issues with being let down or letting other people down and it's awful that you have been promised something and then given different. How did you react? Will she know you're upset?

[Jaxhog]

YABU. It's been a long while since I got anything remotely this interesting for Xmas from DM! It's about giving, not receiving (I keep telling myself that).

Flog them on Ebay, if you're so upset.

[hackmum]

I'm surprised about the toaster as charity shops don't normally accept secondhand electrical items.

[Sparklyglitter]

I would be disapointed and feel very upset! :0(