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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for some straight talk as I am probably bu about my xmas present

125 replies

Cindbelly · 28/12/2016 16:01

I need some straight talking as a I am probably being unreasonable but getting angrier and more upset every time I look at my present.

DH is a Sahp and I am the sole wage earner. DS has asd and we can't find suitable childcare for him, DD does morning nursery sessions so no change in this likely to happen till at least September 2017 when DD goes full days and DH can look for part time work. -this is relevant as money is tight so no budget for big gifts for each other at the moment which I really am ok with.

Back in September DM asked me what I would like for xmas.
We discussed a particular watch and brand which I wanted (has several features that would be really useful for my health as it monitors blood pressure etc - but also I would like to wear it to work and I am already conscious that I can't afford the high end clothes the others in my office seem to favor so that brand is the one I want) I said at the time the watch is about £80 so too expensive but if she could give me some money toward it then I would be really grateful. We discussed all of this.
Nonsense says DM I will buy it, can easily afford it as I know that you won't get anything else due to only one wage coming in.
Anyway Boxing Day comes and we drive up to her house where she gives me, a lime green 'channel' bag, a toaster from the charity shop (had breadcrumbs in it) and a cheap nasty kids version of the watch I wanted complete with diamanté strap that is not changeable.

I'm so upset, and I probably sound ungrateful I told DH not to buy anything for me as DM was buying my watch, and in the 3 months since we discussed this I could have probably have saved enough to buy it myself.

I need some perspective, I'm 36 with 2 children and sulking because I didn't get the present I asked for...

OP posts:
PeppaIsMyHero · 28/12/2016 16:30

YANBU.

However, I think the fact that you're going to wear it to show her you appreciate it is indicative of why it may have been given. Have you ever told her (nicely) how you feel about being given tat? I started being a little less "oh thank you, thank you" and a little more "I really appreciate the effort and it's very pretty" and putting it to one side. It's made life a great deal more straightforward without being offensive: you acknowledge the effort but don't lie about how much you like it. Might be worth a try.

Brytte · 28/12/2016 16:31

Is she a bit clueless about these things and thought that she had managed to find the watch you wanted at a bargain price or is it so obviously deliberate that she hasn't bought you what she said she would?

I have a MIL who deliberately buys DH what he doesn't want. It's a sin to ask for something specific, even though she asks what he wants, so she'll make a point of buying something similar that is not quite right.

Lucked · 28/12/2016 16:31

You will need to shrug it off but It is a lesson learned for next year

ScarletForYa · 28/12/2016 16:32

She probably bought it off Aliexpress if it came from China. They use pictures of the real thing so she might have believed she was going to get an amazing bargain. If she tends to be naïve?

notangelinajolie · 28/12/2016 16:33

Re the watch ...YANBU. Next time you see your mum can you not tell her in a jokey/nice way that she has bought you a childrens watch by mistake and could you exchange it for a more grown up one? Surely when she realises it is meant for a child she will offer to change it for you?

Re the bag ... YABU. Sounds like she saw 'Chanel' and thought she was buying you something classy. Put it down to it being your year for getting a shitty present. We all get them! If you don't like it send it to the charity shop.

Re the toaster .... ewwww bin it!

RubyRoseViolet · 28/12/2016 16:33

I can't get over the toaster!!! I'm extremely laid back with my expectations of presents etc but that is really bizarre!!

gamerchick · 28/12/2016 16:34

Ah was it a fitbit? I can understand why someone would shop about trying to find one cheaper, people seem to think they all function the same so it doesn't matter.

It does matter!

Brytte · 28/12/2016 16:37

I think intention matters. If she thought she was buying nice things for you, I couldn't be upset for too long. Put it down to bad experience and in future buy something like the watch yourself. was the toaster a particular branded one or just some random cheap toaster?!

ChristmasCwtches · 28/12/2016 16:39

Poor you, I can understand why you are upset!
As an aside, are you claiming everything you re entitled to? If your dd gets DLA (middle or higher) then your dh can claim carers allowance and you would also get additional tax credits.

DS has severe asd and I am a SAHM.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 28/12/2016 16:41

I think it's an eBay China job too much hassle to return

I wondered this op. Perhaps she looked for it on line to find the shops locally stocking it, and then got fooled into going onto an online store for knockoff gear like the Channel bag?

GetTheeBehindMeSanta · 28/12/2016 16:43

I wouldn't do anything in this situation. You've got some crap you didn't want, but you probably would have done if you hadn't asked for the watch.

Save up for the stuff you really want, and suggest chocolates or something difficult to get wrong next Christmas if anyone asks. You're too old to be asking for expensive specifics from your mum anyway.

DJBaggySmalls · 28/12/2016 16:44

YANBU. Giving crap is worse than giving nothing. I wouldnt wear it at all.

Topseyt · 28/12/2016 16:45

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable.

Your mother is the unreasonable one for promising you the watch and getting you imitation crap.

Ask her as gently as you are able to for the receipt. Say that it isn't the right watch and doesn't do what you require, so you would like to change it. Her reaction to that will tell you all you need to know about whether or not she actually had any intent. intention of getting the right one for you, or whether she thought that she could do better on price and you wouldn't notice if you got tat instead.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 28/12/2016 16:53

You're too old to be asking for expensive specifics from your mum anyway.

I don't get this attitude at all. Confused. In any case, OP's mother offered to buy her the watch.

hutchblue · 28/12/2016 16:58

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

SnugglySnerd · 28/12/2016 17:05

YANBU. My FIL has form for buying us some sort of crap novelty gift every year. He doesn't spend loads, probably £20-25 but we're not well off and I would really prefer the money. At least we could treat ourselves to a take away or cinema trip or something we would enjoy with the money he's wasted.
I'd be disappointed in your position too, why would she make such a kind offer and then just buy rubbish? If she couldn't afford it she should have said so and given you some money towards if like you suggested in the first place.

Katy07 · 28/12/2016 17:07

If it was just the watch & bag I might think YABSU but a second-hand toaster still containing crumbs??? Confused

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 28/12/2016 17:07

I would feel disappointed too, OP and I'm also the sort of person that will feign delight and thank the present giver.

However, wearing the fake children's fitbit watch to please her is a step too far. You have to politely inform her that you didn't want to hurt her feelings on the day, but she has mistakenly bought you a counterfeit watch in a children's size. Even if it can't be returned, at least she is being made aware that you won't be wearing the bloody thing. Sad

Original poster
Cindbelly · 28/12/2016 17:09

Lots of replies, thanks to everyone for their thoughts. Yes was a Fitbit and she's got a cheap alternative. We discussed the features and being able to wear it to work as a reason to buy the actual Fitbit not an alternative, I think she must have forgotten. But then she handed me the bag with the words 'now you have a designer bag for work' so I don't think she really forgot the whole discussion. Meh.

OP posts:
cheekyfunkymonkey · 28/12/2016 17:10

I wouldn't say anything, but I wouldn't be wearing it and if questioned just say she bought a child's watch and so you are going to get yourself the watch you wanted.

Original poster
Cindbelly · 28/12/2016 17:10

Cooking dinner will be back

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 28/12/2016 17:15

It's not you being disappointed in your present though.

You are disappointed because she made a point of specifically asking you what you wanted and you told her can I have money towards (the watch I really really want) as it too much mum.

Mum replies don't worry darling daughter I will buy you it don't you worry about it or save any money il sort it!

She goes home and thinks this will do for cind it's nothing like she asked for but it's cheap and she'll just have to like it or lump it

A few months later you get get a bag of (crap) completely different things to what you thought the plan was and feel like not only can't you get what you want because she made out like you didn't need to save but you have to be great-full for the things she has decided you were to have instead.

If she hadn't asked you (or made out you not to save up) you would have been fine with what you got even if it wasn't to your taste!

diddl · 28/12/2016 17:16

Perhaps she thought that she'd get a cheaper watch so that she could get the bag as well?

I think that it's annoying though, to ask specifically & then get something else.

Is fitbit really all that?

SheldonCRules · 28/12/2016 17:17

Do they do Fitbits for children?

It's likely she thought she could get a bargain to get the actual item rather than cash towards one. Don't most fitness watches do roughly the same thing?

gamerchick · 28/12/2016 17:31

No Angry if you're going to get a cheap knockoff then you may as well get a step counter from 10 years ago.

I tried to explain the differences to the husband. I like the charge hr, it suits me, it suits the work I do and stays out of the way.

He got me the blaze which is designed for runners and proper sporty types, is big in your face ugly and will end up smashed because of the job I do.

They are not the same and I feel sad for my charge I replaced in October just sitting in its box so I don't look like an ungrateful cunt and I never even asked for it Grin

They are not the same. Some people just don't listen properly. Fitbits are personal things man.

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