To be so precious about my DD's naps?

[Silversun83]

I have a very active, non-stop seven-month-old. She is very interested in anything and everything (mainly the things she's not allowed ). I think partly due to this, she's not one of those babies who can just nap anywhere. She's also quite a light sleeper and after the last time of trying to get her to nap at a friend's house (I think she was just over three months old), I started putting her in her cot for most daytime sleeps and just sort of built my day around when she was sleeping. And when she's not going through a development leap and trying to climb, crawl, whatever, in her cot, she naps there pretty well. She does also sleep in the car but doesn't seem to sleep as well as in the cot; she still always seems tired!

Anyway, over the past four days, there have been events with DH's family on three of them. Due to DD's napping pattern however, we have only been at them for 1.5-2 hours.. And now it seems as though his parents hate me for us leaving early (twice for her bedtime and once for a nap). I have had so many cold shoulders and judgement from PILs and his grandparents, all for prioritising my DD's sleep?! She has just started crawling, is teething and has recently dropped her third nap so is extra-tired at the moment. Comments have included:

From grandmother: I always used to put my children to bed at 6.30pm too but if we were out, they would just stay up!

From grandfather: Ah, leave her be! She's happy! (Yes, she is a very happy baby and that is because SHE NAPS. I know she's getting tired, why would I want her to get so tired that she's UNhappy??)

From FIL: You're leaving already? Can't you put her to sleep upstairs? (Where, exactly? Your spare room which could be a good place for your grandchildren to sleep has been transformed into an office for your kidult other son who no longer lives there to work his 'home-based' job from).

And just general snipey remarks from MIL and overt-attention to BIL's children who fit in around what their parents are doing. Which is fair enough, but that's not the way I parent.

His parents by the way live very close-by and we always try and make the effort to see them once a week.

Yes, DD is my PFB and I have struggled a bit with parenthood. I admit I do get anxious about her sleep and worry about her getting overtired etc. But I'm just doing my best And she's thriving and such a happy baby 95% of the time so surely I'm doing something right? I admit I'm a bit pre-menstrual but his family's reactions have upset me!

YANBU. It's not the way I did it with DD1 - who would sleep anywhere anyhow. DD2 needed a bit of persuading to be as portable. But DD2 really needed her naps and I needed to go back to work so she had to be trained to be portable or she would have been very unhappy when she got to nursery! We're all different. Every parent child relationship is different and you do what is right for you and your child. I would have had a hard time being bound in the same way you are - but that isn't judgement; I'm not you. It won't be for long and if you have any more they could be very different. You carry on doing what is right for your family and ignore the naysayers!

Yanbu. My 14mo ds still doesn't sleep through the night. We cosleep as he screams bloody murder if I wave him in the general direction of his cot. He does nap well in his buggy in the day though and that's my only chance to relax/house keep, eat lunch with two hands etc. Unless the snipers are the ones dealing with your dc when they're overtired and refusing to sleep, tell them to fuck off.

Very PFB!

DS1 (22) had set nap and bed times unless we went to stay with PILs or we went out for the day. It didn't stop him being the relaxed, laid back, happy baby he always was.

DS2 was a completely different kettle of fish. He had a set bedtime, as for naps, they happened whenever and wherever.

Nah, not unreasonable. Both mine have really needed their sleep or it's just not enjoyable for anyone.
You should all have talked about it and maybe agreed to do Christmas at yours if possible.

Depends really - if you made everyone else plan their day around your DC naps yabu. However if you still attended events and joined in but just left early Yanbu. Sounds like the latter to me and you joined in just did what's best for you all by leaving a bit early.

A word of caution though I had a friend who ALWAYS expected me and my dc to work around her desire for her dc to nap at home at very set times and it gave me the absolute rage. What my dc needed wasn't relevant because I was a bit more flexible (I had two very close in age so no choice in the matter!). When you have a very fixed routine you just have to make sure you don't trample on others. I'm not saying you do but it's something to be aware of.

Friend still doesn't understand why I don't see much of her anymore...

Your baby, your rules.

It's all very well relatives accusing you of being precious but are they going to soothe your baby when she's overtired and having a meltdown later on? If not they need to keep their beaks out of it.

YANBU our 11 month old DD sleeps very well but we're slaves to her nap times as without them she's unhappy and she's our priority. Slightly PFB I realise but we've not had any issues with it. Having said that I do put her down for naps at family/friends if they have a suitable set up (cot and dark room- plus she has white noise on an iPhone, dummy and comforter).
Perhaps leaving after 2 hours would be inappropriate if people had travelled or hosted a meal but otherwise I think it's fair enough.

I had the same from my pils too when dd was a baby. She was a terrible sleeper and a nightmare when tired. Routine worked for us and I rarely broke it. I agree with pp who have said people who haven't experienced this don't really understand. It will get better though.

YANBU. Nobody messes with nap time.

No one ever truly remembers what it is like to have a baby unless it was within the last few months.

I understand why you're precious about naps but it might be fine for the odd day here and there to let the routine go.

So you're a little bit U and PFB butthe family also sound U as they can't really remember.

YANBU

My 5month old DS is a nightmare getting to sleep out and about. He normally goes down at 6.30, but keeping him at my parents until 8pm recently involved a 30min car journey of screaming, and then crying until 11pm and a very grumpy baby the next day. Not fun for anyone. I don't care if I'm being selfish or PFB, I'm the one doing all the bloody night wakings and I'm tired enough with that without adding an overtired baby in the daytime.

Let them have the baby overnight and see how they cope? (only kidding they would be calling for help by about 9pm).
Ds1 would only nap in the moving pushchair at set times. Ds2 is a lot more flexible, but he is a better sleeper. Routine is quite important for my kids.
We once tried the suggestion of travelling at night and transferring sleeping child once arrived. He had a 2hr nap in the car and then cried for the rest of the night. Even in bed with me and dh. That was fun.

YANBU in the slightest.
My family are the exact same way.
I've been getting shit from them left, right and centre Christmas Day and Boxing Day, had our parenting choices criticised by every man and his dog the whole time, and then they got a face on because we left a family gathering in order to get home for dd's bedtime (we live over an hour away from where the party was).
My dad has always took the piss saying we are slaves to our dd's naps, but the way I see it, he's not the one who has to deal with the backlash of an overtired baby/toddler!!!
I plan my day around DD'a nap time too.
You do what works for you and your child. The family memebrrs who give you shit aren't the ones who have to deal with the fall out of your little one has had her routine disturbed, you are! So sod their opinions.

YANBU.

I had two fucking terrible sleepers. They went from only sleeping on me to only napping in their own beds once they got to a few months old. None of this travel cot/buggy sleeping without hours of cajoling/rocking/patting. If they stayed awake then they screamed with tiredness.

Fucking horrendous.

Not helped by DSIL having a baby the same age as DD who would sleep pretty much anywhere, through any noise, at the allotted time for an exact specified period.

Definitely not unreasonable. It's all fair enough for people to want the happy baby but unless they deal with the fall out they've got nothing to contribute.

We've tried both over the last week of visiting family and she's been so tired on the days where she couldn't sleep well during the day that it's made us stick to a proper routine in the end as she was a nightmare to get down.

YANBU At all! I was very PFB about naps, and I still am. Some people don't get it though so you need to be able to accept that people will pass judgement on it. Each to their own.

My DS needs a good 2 hour nap during the day, if he doesn't have it, he's a stroppy little so and so for the rest of the day, and will then have a bad sleep that night, and so starts a vicious circle...

I have a two year old who simply will not at any point and under any circumstances fall asleep anywhere other than in his own cot in his room and if you attempt to divert from this all hell will break loose. No YANBU and I suspect the people who are saying YABU haven't any experience with a toddler that thrives on routine. You know your child is happiest when you enable them to get adequate sleep especially when sleep is so important for their rapidly developing minds and bodies. You know what is best for your child so don't let other people make you question that.

Not unreasonable at all. My now 11 year old would only ever nap at home in his cot, lord knows I tried to get him to be flexible, nap in his puschair, but no.

Even by 2 on holiday we had to go back to the room for a nap and he would not budge on bedtime one little bit. Screaming for his bed b 6.30 pm.

They're all different do what works for you.

You are DNBU. All babies are different. Mine is pre-teens now but as a baby I used to plan around her routine. If she got overtired/overstimulated her behaviour deteriorated horribly. I had the piss relentlessly taken out of me and endured much tutting and head-shaking from family and friends. You are the expert when it comes to your child. Also, this is still the case but much less so now, if you put your child in a situation where they become over tired you risk being ratty and up getting frustrated and cross with them. That is not at all fair on your child. I do not consider myself to be a 'precious' parent, I'm quite the opposite but setting your children up to fail in this way is wrong.

Just try and ignore them OP and do what works best for you and your daughter. You are still relatively new at this parenting malarky and your confidence will grow with time. I know mine has.

YANBU. If you have a baby who will only be happy if she naps, and only naps at set times and in a set places, you've got two choices - work around her naps or have an unhappy baby. I would prefer to work around the naps, unless for something like a funeral where I would then take the hit on the following night (and day).

I once drove for over four hours having timed a long car journey for baby bedtime, on the advice that 'all babies sleep in the car if they're tired'. No, they bloody don't. She was just over one, and in between hysterical bouts of screaming we got "WANT! BED! WANT! BED!". After that, I just made sure that we put her in the sodding cot when she was tired.

Not unreasonable. I had twins, one would sleep anywhere, the other only in the dark in her cot with the white noise machine going. Who the hell wants to spend time with an overtired baby anyway, and who makes a mum of a 7 month old feel bad about putting their kid down for a nap?

YANBU. People with babies that sleep anywhere just can't seem to get that some babies need total sensory deprivation to sleep. I felt massively judged about being a nap time martyr to DD1, I had intended to be a routine free take baby anywhere type but she had other ideas. She still had massive problems nodding off now. Had a second baby nearly 3 years later and she was a bit better at napping but not much.

Both mine dropped naps at 2 and were skipping them a lot before then anyway so it wasn't a long term problem. Make the most of a routine that works for you and your baby.

Yanbu because it's your baby, but I can appreciate how they find it annoying. It's is in my opinion massively precious and I think ultimately doesn't help. I think kids need to be able to adapt. I think it's when kids are little you have more freedom with mine anyway! But your baby so your choice!

Thank you, I appreciate all of your comments and it's reassuring to know others have/have had similar babies.

Crispandcheese: Thank you. I already feel as though my confidence has grown in the past few months so hope it will continue to do so.

TheLongRoad:

Btw I've asked for this thread to be deleted as am a bit worried about there being a bit too much identifying info in it.

We're really strict about DD's bedtime now. She's nearly five. Unfortunately if she's overtired she can't cope. She's the sweetest, although mischievous, child the rest of the time but when overtired she lashes out.

Whenever there is an event, or something going on in the evening, we have the weigh up the benefits of going with the disadvantages of having to go through at least a week of awful behaviour at bedtime. It's not fair on her to miss out on fun activities but it's also not fair on her to put her through those difficult nights afterwards where she struggles to control her emotions and acts in a way she never would usually. It's horrible for everyone.

To be honest in your shoes I'd rather miss out on a few hours fun and have some peace, than disturb a routine that's working so well. People can become slaves to routine but if your baby is a crap sleeper then you do what you can