...or is this slightly odd behaviour with regard to leftovers?

[naranciata]

At FIL's house. Yesterday I singlehandedly cooked a 3 course Christmas dinner for 11 people then went to bed about 9:30 because 25w pregnant and knackered. Woke up this morning and opened the fridge and you would not know it was Christmas yesterday. Every single leftover item has been portioned up and frozen and added to the "freezer spreadsheet" pinned to the noticeboard in the kitchen.

I was thinking along the lines of bubbles and squeak with fried eggs and cold meat for lunch, turkey sandwiches for snacks, big pan of veg soup for the next few days' food. Basically - no 'proper' cooking but lots of nice food.

I asked FIL if he'd frozen everything (as opposed to putting in garage fridge etc) and he thanked me for cooking and said he'd barely have to cook for himself over the next few days because of everything he was left with. In the same breath, he asked if I wanted some mince defrosting to make a chilli tonight.

AIBU to feel like it's not really up to him to freeze all the Christmas leftovers to be eaten when we've all left? Him and I paid for the food 50:50.

If he'd been poor or he'd portioned them for both that's fair enough but the op said he's not poor and he has a spreadsheet for hot water usage for guests. The op paid half and there were 11 for dinner. Up to 8 people are for free and op cooked. There were no leftovers for Boxing Day. I cook so I enjoy the Boxing Day leftovers more than the dinner.
The fact is because we accommodate these misers and no one calls them up on it they get away with it.
Yes taking them and chucking it away is spiteful but people like this need that kind of intervention sometimes.

Grabby and embarrassing; that's what this thread has been, in my opinion.

I don't think the OP is being grabby at all. After spending hours cooking Xmas dinner it's not wrong of her to think the leftovers would be used as Boxing Day grub

Martyring isn't attractive; either offer or don't, nobody cares. Grabbing the leftovers is the odd behaviour.

Lynn, intervention? What an odd way to treat family. We don't do this but I accept that others do.

The OP was of course' right' and won the leftovers war....but is she really happy?
Damned if I could have scrabbled around with little frozen cling film packages, though,but to each their own.

Having eleven guests,mountains of food and disruption may have been a lot for the Fil and getting shot of leftovers allowed him to regain 'order' in his home without waste and visible mess.

Poor old embarrassed bugger!(tightwad or not)Spirit of Christmas and all that...

Well if he didn't want 11 guests he could try not inviting them. He's a tightfisted old git whose used to getting his own way. If I'd cooked I'd have used some leftovers for Boxing Day and said keep the rest fil however he presumed they were for him. The only person being grabby was the fil.

A lot of older people are comfortably off. They bought houses at a time before prices skyrocketed. They don't have student loans to pay off. They may well have benefited from generous pension arrangements. They may well be very fit and active.

However, they may also labour under a sense that it is women's job to feed them and take care of them without being given any thanks or anything in return.

Meanwhile the younger generation often have to deal with tighter budgets. They have high housing and childcare costs - and need to balance demanding jobs with responsibilities not just to their own families - but the assumption they will look after their partner's family as well.

Certainly on Mumsnet there are posters who think that feeding and looking after male members of the family generously and without expectation of thanks, is what you have to do if you were born with ovaries. If you question the status quo it means you are grabby, unfeminine and cruel.

Do we know the op offered? I was invited to xmas dinner the first yr I was with dh. His mum had died that year. I didn't know I'd been invited to cook until I got there and his dad said there's the kitchen we will be back from the pub at 2pm. I cooked it as I was 19 and too polite shocked to say no. I'd say something now as I'm older and more bolshy. Oh and there were two sisters who went to the pub with the rest of them.

Nothing to do with ovaries, just kindness for a family member on their own. Cooking for one is tedious sometimes.

Still as long as martyr OP got her way. I'd be so embarrassed if I were her husband and annoyed.

The ovaries call is disingenuous, so many women behave as if they are the boss of cooking and food.

She wasn't cooking for one, somehow fil had 11 people there op paid half of good costs AND cooked then fil decided all leftovers were his. Op isn't a martyr but she's a bloody saint. Fil had a face like a slapped arse because the op wanted to use the food she'd cooked and paid half for to feed HIS guests. I point out it was ME who said she should have taken the leftovers home. You don't know the op or her fil so how do you know she's a Martyr.
You sound like you have done something like this as you seem determined to suggest fils miserly behaviour is acceptable.

Oh, yes, the old kindness. How kind is it to leave a pregnant woman to cook for 11 on her own. But her husband should be annoyed that the very next day, his dad expected her to cook even more rather than use the leftovers to feed the other 5 she said were still there or she's grabby and mean? Right

I already said that OP shouldn't have been left to it. I picture a scenario of queen-of-the-kitchen, because a doormat version would be sad.

'I already said that OP shouldn't have been left to it. I picture a scenario of queen-of-the-kitchen, because a doormat version would be sad.'

It wouldn't suit your opinion, more likes. He gave his permission to have all those people in his home (may even have charged them, too), then have some still there on Boxing Day but expect the OP to cook even more (more leftovers for him to keep). It suits his own ends to have someone else cook and cook, pay for it and he keeps all that's left because that's what tight people do - monitor usage of hot water of guests, etc.

You don't have anymore knowledge than posted, expat, neither do I. We all put our own interpretation on things.

And I never claimed to. The OP herself said he was tight.

I can't see how anyone can come away with the notion that the OP is "grabby". She is 25 weeks pregnant and cooked for 11 people all by herself AND paid for half of the food. She was then expected to cook a different dish the next day. This is just a horribly entitled way to treat a person. It's as simple as that.

The latter part of pregnancy and Xmas are also expensive times. You are getting stuff for the new baby while also budgeting for a reduced income - unless maternity pay is particularly generous. Essentially taking all the leftovers for oneself is taking food from a pregnant woman and her family.

All the people coming late to the thread saying the OP didn't "need" the leftovers: who would have had to cook fresh meals without using leftovers? Might it be the pregnant woman who had already done most of the cooking so far? And might she also want the opportunity to have a meal or two from the food that she has already spent time and energy cooking without having to do yet more cooking?

I don't think wanting to eat your own food, that you have bought, paid for and cooked, over a holiday period when you too deserve a bit of what you want, is "petty" in the slightest.

Oh the drama... taking food from a pregnant woman, yada yada. It wasn't the last food in the world, OP didn't need to cook but she could equally have said at the outset that she'd want leftovers for Boxing Day.

Anybody who single-handedly cooks for 11 chooses to do so. Otherwise they'd be a doormat. Her husband helped with the grunt-work according to the OP. I personally don't know any women who like other people actually cooking alongside them either. I know I don't.

For me if OP wants her share - fair enough. So she has it. The posters who said take it and chuck it away are pathetic. We don't behave like that in my family. I would leave the leftovers for FIL with my blessing; you wouldn't. Who cares really, I don't have to witness it and be embarrassed for you.

That's a bit nasty Lying Witch.
The OP has nothing whatsover to be embarrassed about. She was quite reasonably looking forward to serving up leftovers the next day, and was not happy to find it had all been appropriated by tightwad FIL, even though she had paid for half of it. Now, that is grabby.

Some leftovers were then defrosted and eaten by the guests, while FIL went round with a face like a slapped arse. So, kudos to the OP for calling him on it. He sounds like a real charmer.

Tarty, it's the posters saying 'take it and chuck it away' that I'm talking about. OP hasn't said she would do that, or I don't think she has. Anybody that would deserves any amount of vitriol because spite is ugly.

I think all OP wanted was a "normal" boxing day, where she could kick back and enjoy the leftovers from the feast she cooked the day before. Which she contributed massively to, rather than make another meal from scratch.

I don't feel that can be described as "grabby". Not in the least.

Someone who cooks for 11 might have chosen to do it, or they may "be a doormat". Either way they did actually do it and deserve to be shown appreciation and treated with respect if the recipients of the food have any manners at all. At least that's how we do it in MY family. Anything less is boorish. Taking the leftovers and chucking them is wasteful and unnecessary but OP is quite entitled to eat leftovers that she cooked and paid for on Boxing Day without being bullied into cooking an entirely new dish. Whether or not she's pregnant is beside the point, it's still horrible manners, but the fact that she is makes it even worse.

Lyin you have NO IDEA about anything. You are projecting more than anyone else on here. The op said fil is tight. You're so determined to see him as a poor downtrodden soul at the mercy of his mean spirited dil that I wonder if it's the kind of stunt you'd pull hogging all the leftovers and expecting someone who'd bought and paid for the meal yesterday expects them to cook again today.
In that instance I would rather take the leftovers even if I threw them away. Of course if fil HADNT frozen them for his own use they wouldn't have defrosted on the way home. It's quite possible fil froze them knowing full well op couldn't take them as they'd defrost on the way home.
You don't know me so I'd prefer you not to call me ugly. I've not been abusive to you.

Lynn, no need to be personal. Everybody on the thread is projecting their own experiences. I've been quite clear that it's behaviour that I deem ugly, not the posters themselves. If you can't read properly then kindly just post around me and I'll do the same.