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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really fed up of people who claim 2016 to have been a 'horrific' year....

253 replies

Whatsername17 · 25/12/2016 23:46

Because, sadly, some famous people that they have never met have died? Once again social media is awash with 'fuck off, 2016', 'you'd better not take x, you or z from us' and 'this year is truly testing me now it has taken.....'
It gives me the rage. Firstly, I think the grief belongs to the families who have lost a person, not a celebrity ideal. But, secondly, I just think that, if the worst thing that has happened to you personally is that someone in the public eye has died, then you've been pretty lucky. Thirdly, so many other awful things have happened in the world; terror attacks, plane crashes, Syria, Aleppo, Donald Trump. Yet people don't seem to feel the same outrage. I will admit, I've had an awful year, starting with the loss of our baby at 13 weeks pregnant in January, followed by a huge crisis in my marriage and the loss of a loved one. I guess that could all be clouding my judgement. I dunno. I just hate social media inspired competitive grief I guess. Feel free to flame but I'd be really interested to know if others feel the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatsername17 · 26/12/2016 00:23

Don't understand^

OP posts:
glamourousgranny42 · 26/12/2016 00:27

I do feel as though 2016 has been shit for lots of reasons. The tories won the GE, Brexit, Trump, Syria, terrorist attacks, suffering around the world. On top of that we have lost a lot of creative people who brought joy, had more to give and were a large part of my cultural childhood. The world seems a darker place and people are feeling that and expressing their grief. If you don't like it done read it.

DancingDinosaur · 26/12/2016 00:28

Your op is belittling peoples feelings though by calling it competitive grief, which 'gives you the rage' Confused

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 26/12/2016 00:29

DancingDinosaur Flowers I'm so sorry for your loss

I don't think anyone wants to dictate how others should feel. It's just something that some people seem to "get" and others don't.

Though I'm not sure all the people posting on social media do feel sad, to be honest. Some of it seems to be more about attention and jumping on a bandwagon. That I think is inappropriate. Somebody has died and it shouldn't be seen as an opportunity for attention seeking.

DancingDinosaur · 26/12/2016 00:29

Yep exactly that glamorous granny.

MakeItStopNeville · 26/12/2016 00:30

I think 2016 has been a terrible year in Social Media terms. I'm gutted George Michael has died. Because he's George freakin Michael and he's way too young to die.

In real world terms, it's been one of my most favourite years ever.

FranticalFidget · 26/12/2016 00:31

I don't think there is anything wrong at all with feeling sad about whatever you want.

I do think there is something wrong with people hearing about a celebs death, and then tripping over themselves in a race to see who can be more inspired/sad/shocked all over social media.

Like out if work actors seeing a brief opportunity to put in a show.

PovertyPain · 26/12/2016 00:34

I agree, op. I did comment on social media that it was sad about George Michael, because I grew up listening to his music. I think it's terribly sad for the family and they have my sympathies but really think the OMG reaction, to 2016 is overplayed, by people not directly affected by the actors'/singers' deaths. This hasn't been my worst year ever. 2015, when I lost my husband was a lot worse for me.

sobeyondthehills · 26/12/2016 00:34

For me personally, everytime I hear someone has died of cancer it brings up a lot of memories.

There is also the fact that so many have gone so young.

I tend not to post political things on my facebook, I have a lot of friends who are right winged and left winged and certainly Brixit caused a few problems and its just easier for me if I don't doesn't mean I am not thinking of all the political unrest that is going on.

Just like everytime I popped onto facebook today, something horrible was happening to another family, a car crash, killing the driver and putting the passenger in critical condition, a plane crashing, killing everyone on board. I could go on

I don't post about those either, didn't mean i didn't take a few minutes out to feel a little sad. Social media, for me is a small snapshot of someone's life, not actually their life

Cleorapter · 26/12/2016 00:35

For some people an artist is someone they can connect to when they don't have anyone else.

For me personally certain artist's helped me get through incredibly dark times in my life, and I imagine I am not the only person that feels that way.

As a suicidal teen, it helped. In some cases I feel some of that art built part of who I am. And the death of said person does feel a bit like losing part of myself. I'm sure that seems utterly ridiculous to those who don't particularly understand it.

But yes, you do get people on Social Media that make it an attention seeking thing.

2016 has been shite, not only due to the many, many celebrity deaths, but Brexit, Syria, Trump, record numbers of children being in poverty and homelessness (and more) alongside some personal tragedies and losing people in my life. It has been an utter clusterfuck of a year, and I am not surprised people are done with it.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 26/12/2016 00:35

DancingDinosaur competitive grieving does seem to be a "thing" unfortunately Sad hopefully you have friends with more sensitivity and tact. But social media seems to being out a desire for everyone to be the first to break bad news (there was a thread a while back about people finding out about relatives' deaths via Facebook) or to be the first to post when a celebrity death is announced, and to be seen as the closest friend or the biggest fan etc.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 26/12/2016 00:35

(Sorry, I'm really slow at typing!)

0nline · 26/12/2016 00:36

Near the beginning of the year the chatter of randoms on the internet informed us of our father's death. On my birthday.

I lost my shit .... all these months later I have yet to find it again. And then this end of the year, my mother got diagnosed with cancer.

I still think it has been a notably awful year for

-celebrity deaths

-horrible events

-political outcomes I would not have predicted.

I don't know if I am noticing death more because I feel like my skin has been peeled off, and all my nerve ends are hyper sensitive to any mention of somebody dying. Or just more people I have long had some kind of fan-flavoured affection for are dying in much higher than normal numbers.

But when I hear people say 2016 is fucking awful year. I tend to nod.

My dad died.

But I still went leaky faced when Victoria Wood died too.

The only difference is, with Victoria I was on the outer edge of the ripples of loss. So they bump you over. And you go "ouff ! That hurt !" But you get up again pretty quick.

Whereas with my father I was in the ripples at the point of impact. So being, and staying, flattened becomes more of a long term thing. Where you sort of get used to being prone. And standing up again looks as feasible as taking flight.

But even from the position of being flat on my face for the best part of the year... fuck you 2016. Stop making it worse. I don't want more people to die. Especially ones I like. Or ones with grief stricken relatives I identify with. Cos every time somebody else dies... I can't get away with pretending he's not gone.

Today on the news we saw the state bringing home the body of the young Italian woman killed in the Berlin Xmas Market terrorist attack. Her mum reached out to her daughter's coffin, and stroked it.

I lost my unfound shit all over again.

I hope 2017 is better.

I want my mum to survive cancer.
People to not die for no fucking reason when they just went out to do some shopping, or meet friends, or cross the road.
And for celebs I hold in some affection to stay properly oxygenated.

I want that for their own sakes. And because I want to get through entire weeks and months where I can successfully pretend that I don't know what bereavement is. Which I can't do if people keep dying and the news keeps telling me about it.

DancingDinosaur · 26/12/2016 00:36

Thanks whatwould. Although I think the posts on my fb are a shared sadness over huge musical influences that formed a large part of our teenage years. I don't see how expressing that is attention seeking tbf.

Shiningexample · 26/12/2016 00:36

it is a bit of a downer but I dont feel it as a personal loss when someone famous dies
if anything it inspires in me a self indulgent wallow in nostalgia for the time when the celeb in question was in their hey day

RichardBucket · 26/12/2016 00:40

It has been a shit year. Because of the referendum vote and war, not because a few celebrities died.

RandomMcRandomface · 26/12/2016 00:40

Everyone I know who talks about 2016 being shite (me included) is referring to the bigger stuff - the celeb deaths are just the icing on the cake so to speak.

Plus for many 2016 has been a year that has made us feel much more mortal than usual, as well as one in which the axis of the world feels like it's shifting due to things like Brexit, Syria and Trump, and the realisation we are moving into a post-truth society. The death of celebrities who I have enjoyed for years and in many cases grown up with (Bowie, Cohen, Alan Rickman) seems to exacerbate that general feeling of mortality and the world changing faster than usual.

FarAwayHills · 26/12/2016 00:41

YANBU social media has become some sort of wailing wall for people mourning celebrity deaths. If I see another '2016 can just F off' type post I'll scream. I can totally understand how this stuff could seem to be insulting to those who have lost someone very close to them this year.

haveacupoftea · 26/12/2016 00:42

YANBU. Using deaths for bandwagon jumping is pretty low. Of course not everyone is doing that. But I think quite a lot are.

SanityAssassin · 26/12/2016 00:47

Quite a few of the celebs who have died this year have been ones I admired - I didn't need to know them to appreciate their work.

More importantly my Father died this year so yes BAD for me.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 26/12/2016 00:49

DancingDinosaur not every post is attention seeking, I agree. It really depends on the person posting.

streetch · 26/12/2016 00:57

Yabu, people feel affected by the horrible things that have happened this year for a variety of reasons and no one has the right to tell anyone how they are allowed to feel. I have had a shit time this year with so much happening in my personal life but I still felt gutted about the brexit vote, Syria, Trump and the loss of so many very talented celebrities who I admired so much. I don't post about stuff on facebook but I don't look down on those who do (apart from the twat on the flight with Carrie Fisher)

blowmybarnacles · 26/12/2016 00:58

I find that people can wax lyrical about 'their grief' for a famous person on Facebook but then can't express anything to somebody they actually do know who is grieving.

hungryhippo90 · 26/12/2016 01:05

I've had a really shit year. It dawned on me that my husband/marriage weren't going to get any better. I got an eviction notice, have had two car accidents. I've put in for a claim of working and child tax credits, which is under review- pending so much information I just cannot give (they want proof of bills being in my name- lovely that! As I'm between addresses, until I have a rental agreement, I cannot have bills changed into my name)
Not to mention, I'm pretty alone, and although I've got a place lined up (it relies on WTC coming through really!) I will be living about 5 minutes from DDs sperm donor father, who we haven't been in contact with for 5 years who I'm scared we will run into.

My car is also likely to be repossessed in the next few weeks.

I also had a birthday, and Christmas that I didn't even get a card for... thinking of changing both my mumsnet and actual name to Sadness if 2017 isn't drastically better.

0nline · 26/12/2016 01:10

hungryhippo90

You have had a spectacularly shit time of it. I hope you get a 2017 that makes this year look like a distant dark smudge, left well behind you.