To think a text to your children on Christmas Day doesn't really cut it ?

[Newbrummie]

Ex sent them a cheery text thanking them for their gifts and hoping they had a nice day ... At mid day when he got up no doubt.
I immediately ruined his life by phoning him and forcing him to spend 30 mins chatting to them 😁
And have received a mouthful via text for my efforts.

Boy hires = vouchers, I have no idea what happened there

If it were really about them you wouldn't do this. You don't have a good relationship with your ex so why do you think anything you say makes a blind bit of difference? You manoeuvred him today. Great, so he spoke to the boys. How did it make them feel? Not you, them?

What if he blocks you because he's fed up of you? How will that assist your co-parenting then?

You don't sound well and you're portraying and believing in yourself as some kind of 'saviour'. He's their parent, so are you - you do your thing, let him do his. That is what I'd tell a friend because no good is going to come from this.

How did it make them feel ? Happy !!!
And you know what I bet he enjoyed it too

I will give up bothering once his lack of thought - that's what it will be - not malicious doesn't affect me or the kids.
I can't and won't rely on him any more, that is the lesson I finally learn this year

I got a roasting on here a few years ago for expecting my DHs Ex to want to speak to her DCs on Xmas Day; she gave the DCs specific instructions not to phone as (she told them) she'd cry because she missed them and DSS's school Headteacher had told her she shouldn't do that

Without knowing the backstory, I can't judge whether he's being an arse or not - what I can deduce based on your own posts OP is that you are way to invested in his feelings and his behaviour. Focus on your DCs, and don't give your ex headspace.

But it will only affect you if you let it. And it will only affect your children if you let it! A cheery, "Oh look a text from your Dad, isn't that nice" would have been all that was needed!

The text didn't go to my phone it went to eldest child's for her to pass onto the others, not even a text each !

I know you're right, I have stopped with the effort, I used to send photos of school plays all that and then one day just thought fuck it if he can't be arsed to come why should he get photos. This is not how I thought it would all turn out believe me.

I didn't think our life would turn out how it did, but it's been a hell of a lot better since I accepted it for what it is.
It's a hard one to take but you sound like you're heading in the right direction.

What grates is that he is behaving exactly like his father did, so he knows what it's like to be "that kid". And the lies and rewriting of history. Just annoying. A phone call is the bloody least he can do.

Nobody ever does! My ex decided to move 5 THOUSAND miles away when the children were 3 and 5, contact has been intermittent to say the least! He would plan to visit and not turn up, it got to the point that I would only tell them he was coming when he actually landed in the country! He would phone religiously every week for 3 months and then not again for another three months. But I soon learnt to smile and simply carry on regardless! I became the master of false enthusiasm " Oh lovely, dad is coming to visit today after six months of no contact, how nice for you" until the children realised for themselves what he was like!

I was talking to my mum today about family, and we were saying that it takes a real effort to challenge the patterns of behaviour you learn from your parents. It's ingrained as normal, even when it's not.

TheCakes - I know what you're saying, he thought for years his parents were good. Until he met his first wife's family who were chocolate box by all accounts and then he described them as over bearing - they sounded lovely.

JOEYDOESNTSHAREFOOD

Yes its the same poster, and its interesting that she goes on about re-writing history.

Boney & joey, don't let the fact ruin a good story will you ? Sit in at school wtf

You seem over invested in your EXs life, why is that?
From what I'm reading it sounds very much like he is avoiding communication directly with you, why do you think that is?
If I were your ex I wouldn't much like someone telling me what to do and when to do it, stinks of controlling behaviour.
Shift your focus away from him, I get that you are angry.
Get on being the parent you want to be and stop looking to see what he is doing/ not doing.
It's not good for your children to see all this drama played out, you might say they're not aware of it, they will be.
Think about what example you are setting about relationships because that's within your ability to change.

Aren't you the poster who sent their kids to live with their dad over a row, and then accused him of taking them away or something?

Newbrummie

As you like, but this is a cluster fuck of the highest order.

Seven hours of posting OP, on Christmas Day; a day supposedly spent with your children. Hypocritical to accuse the ex of not caring over a text/phone call when your focus hasn't been the children either. Wonder what his view would be of today and the priority your children are to you ?

Tragic that you would spend virtually all of Christmas Day on Mumsnet rather than spending time with your children. I feel terribly sorry for them. I hope 2017 is a more stable year for them.